Could anything be more pleasing than giant pink pie charts for results of an office romance survey? I don’t think so. And by “pleasing” I actually mean gag-able.
Today’s theme: Getting Fired
If a teacher tells a student who attempted suicide that his attempt was weak, and to “carve deeper next time,” isn’t that enough to get him fired? Apparently not.
How about making a student clean up the clog they created in a toilet using paper towels? Possibly.
What else can you get fired for…talking about buying medical marijuana for your aunt who has breast cancer is not a good idea, if you are a police dispatcher. I have to say despite being pro-legalization, I’m with the employers on this… the first rule of Pot Club is, you don’t tell all your coworkers.
You can also get fired for getting caught riding a 66-mile endurance race when you’ve been out on sick leave for more than 90 days.
As a patient, the last thing I would want is for one of the nurses to get laid off mid-surgery. I’m just saying.
And finally, the last thing you want to come home to after you get fired from your job? Your house, on fire.
And on that happy and uplifting note, have a great week everyone!
I went to Wesleyan, and although workplace violence is extremely common, this really seems to hit home as it’s a murder at a bookstore I used to frequent.
At the cafe at Broad Street Books near Wesleyan a 22 year old student was shot to death multiple times at point blank range. Early reports were that she was shot by a boyfriend, and later by an older man from her hometown, and now it is totally unclear how she knew her murderer, but apparently she did. The guy has been identified, and the hunt for him is on. Very scary photo here.
More at the Tenured Radical on how she coped with the news on campus, reflections from a child psychiatrist who happened to work next door, details about the murderer’s threats in his journal toward the Wesleyan community and/or its Jewish students, and student posts. Meanwhile, the students have been told to stay inside locked buildings and the faculty and staff are supposed to stay home.
Today in WWN: Violence in the Workplace
I hate Take Your Kids to Work Day. It’s distracting to the workers, boring for the kids, and it’s pretty much there so parents feel like they are active in their children’s lives and HR can point out how family friendly the company is. Except when there are tasers involved.
The most intriguing part of this article is not that a woman tried to bite a member of the flight crew on a London-bound flight, but that she did so after consuming, among other things, a bottle of liquid soap from the airplane lavatory.
Oh, how often I wanted to do this when I worked retail. I really want to hear the full story here. It sounds like it was along the lines of “I want to return this.” “No.” “Oh, can I talk to a manager please?” &%$#@ smack down. At least I generally waited until after the customer insulted me before I wanted to start punching.
But here’s a case where it sounds like violence against the customer was justified. Apparently, all it took to get this customer started on throwing things at the owner and his mother was a sign that said “Sorry, we are not a daycare center. Please control your children.” (See #1 entry above?)
Up for Stupidest Boss on the Planet Award is the guy who thought it would be funny to stage a workplace shooting but not bring everyone in on the joke. “No Horseplay” indeed.
We know that fast food is bad for you. We know it can even lead to an early death, if abused too much. But when even the signage starts killing people, that’s an issue.
May all of you avoid tasers and stupid bosses this week.
This week in Weird Workplace News: Sex and the Workplace
I kind of sort of hate the word “sexting.” I’m betting this guy does too.
This robber’s heart was in the right place–he robbed a bank because he didn’t want his girlfriend to work as a prostitute anymore. How sweet.
That is probably a good move, given the state of the economy. Even brothels have had to cut their prices.
Yet apparently, this Japanese mother thought her 15-year-old daughter would make enough money at it to pay off a whopping cell phone bill.
“Flying and oral sex don’t mix.” And yet the guy kept flying for three years… what scares me more is the number of suspensions and bizarre accidents he’s had.
So a stripper gets arrested, and what is her first reaction? Time to strip, of course.
Meanwhile, this stripper got attacked by a shoe-wielding rival. Now, those stiletto heels can be pretty nasty. But it could also have been one of those lucite wedge models.
And finally, at what point do pornographic pictures on your computer move from deniable accidents to intentional obsession? I’m guessing at somewhere under 24,000 of them in organized directories.
Have a great week!
Normally, I would consider this to be a Friday theme, but since Mondays can often drive one to drink as well, I’m going with it: Drinking and the Workplace
When I lived in Santa Cruz, there was a furniture store with a sign out in front that always had punny sayings on it. Most of them were pretty stupid, or at least only appealing to old people. I am pretty sure this was not meant to appeal to old people.
Here’s another headline that amuses the hell out of me: “Hooters Girls Battle Man Hiding in Car.” Another choice excerpt: “Childers said he was waiting for the girls because ‘they looked easy’ and he had a conservative girlfriend.” Oh Childers, you were sadly mistaken.
Ms. T, and a few other readers, will “fondly” remember our high school driving instructor Mr. Guck. He was, as he liked to remind us, legally blind (which didn’t stop him from hitting on the girls.) But I do not believe that he was ever legally drunk during class.
In a collossal waste of alcohol and fruit juice, this guy won the Guiness record for most drinks mixed in an hour, most of which were poured out so he could make more. But the interesting part comes at the end, because there is someone who has the job of travelling all over to confirm Guiness records. Awesome.
Another job that one would not tend to think about is “bar spy,” which is sort of like a secret shopper for bars. Now, I worked retail chains for many years and we always had secret shoppers. I get this. It’s the best way to manage quality on a large scale, particularly with layers and layers of management. But, I don’t think it’s the way to go for a single, small location. It’s much nicer from an employee relations standpoint to show that you trust them.
And finally, not truly about drinking, but here’s a heart-warming story about a priest who donated a kidney to one of his parishioners.
Happy Monday!
Today in Weird Workplace News: Strange “Religious” Practices in the Workplace
Has everyone here seen Major League? Remember how Pedro Cerrano was going to sacrifice a live chicken so he would hit a home run? This is sort of like that. Only, not so much.
This article totally irritates me. Because: Cage fighting! For Jesus! On Easter Sunday Sunday Sunday! But after the buildup of the headline it’s like, oh no, we were just BSing. No cage fights. But there WILL be some random dude giving pointers on pro-wrestling moves.
“Some” say the image on the door at this car dealership is Jesus. Looks more like Anubis to me. Whatever. Jesus wants a Chrysler.
I like how the issue in this article is that the pilot stopped to pray. I think we would all be praying under similar circumstances. I think the real issue is that he didn’t multi-task and follow proper emergency procedures at the time. But, let’s just make it all about religion.
And finally, this isn’t really a religious item, except that some people tend to treat Harry Potter as the second coming. Apparently Lord Voldemort forgot how to do the cruciatus curse and instead decided to defeat his enemy the paramedic the old-fashioned way. But if you know you Harry Potter lore, you will see how this article ties in with the first one. So there.
Happy, um , Easter Tuesday to everyone!
This has been a slow news week. Yet it has been a strangely eventful week for me at work. Military-like coups, vengeful mutterings, and all sorts of intrigue. I think I may survive, but only because it’s entertaining to watch.
Meanwhile–this week in the weird workplace:
The funniest part of this story to me was “she wasn’t receptive to the idea of seeing her colleague in the buff.” I’m trying to think of a situation where that sentence WOULDN’T be true. Maybe… nah, not even Johnny Depp. Well… okay maybe then.
Meanwhile, this poor mail carrier was beaten up by a woman after he refused to open her neighbor’s mailbox for her so she could look for a check she was expecting. Usually it’s just dogs they have to look out for.
Here’s another one that cracks me up. I can just envision the look on this guy’s face when he realized he’d robbed a cop. At a police convention. “This should make all Pennsylvania news as the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania.”Why do I picture the part of the cop being played by Dennis Franz?
Not funny but horrifying, a coach beat one of his students with a canoe paddle, and then when it broke, he repaired it with duct tape so he could continue beating him. “Paddling” may be legal in Texas but I’m not quite sure this is what they had in mind.
And finally: Ooops. “After a brief second of shock, laughter and howls erupted from the 23 advanced-placement students, mostly freshmen and sophomores.” Oh my god that would have been the best day of school ever back in my day.
Alrighty folks, hang in there. Try not to become a headline.
So the other day I saw a news story about explaining your job to your kids, and the comedic misunderstandings that ensue. I was trying to figure out how to explain to my future children that Mommy looks at socks and underwear all day, and then tells people whether floral or plain white sell better. The nice thing about kids is they might actually find that pretty exciting stuff.
But in case you were thinking of changing your profession to one that the kids might find a little more interesting, here are some suggestions:
President of the United States: Okay, bear with me. Yes, you say “President” and the kid is already in awe. It’s pretty much the only job most kids have heard of before they turn five. But the coolest part? He (or she) gets to wear a bulletproof suit. My inner child thinks that’s the coolest damn thing ever.
Worm Fiddler: He’s kind of like the Worm Whisperer. Also known as “rooping,” the art of worm fiddling is handed down from generation to generation, and it’s all about luring worms to their doom through the use of some sort of magical worm symphony. I swear to god I am not making this up.
Nude Doctor: This one makes me sad because the headline led me to believe it was doctors who practice medicine in the nude. New Zealand, you have failed me.
Dental Divester: The economy has gotten so bad that people are selling their gold teeth at malls for cash. And somebody has to remove those teeth.
Soccer Pundit: You get to watch soccer (football) matches all day and then compare a tackle to rape on national TV! Ah, I remember when my brother-in-law went through his “likening losing a computer game to getting raped” phase. It was charming. And 7 years ago.
Charles Darwin: Because then you’d have lots and lots of nice shoes.
So what is the weirdest job you’ve ever had? And, how would you explain it to your kids (assuming it’s not your current job…)
Oh, dear. This seems to demonstrate what I’ve feared all along: Want to Keep Your Job? Be Happy. But upon reading the article, I see that it isn’t “happiness” per se that we’re talking about, but likability over competence:
It’s a counterintuitive concept, for sure. In today’s economic maelstrom, the most common responses are panic, fear, anger, distrust, and even hostility. But a Harvard Business Review article “How to Protect Your Job in a Recession” studied the characteristics of recession survivors and found that those who avoided being cut were cheerful, likable, generous contributors, and not necessarily the most skilled and proficient.
So this is not news. We already know that likable people are more often hired, given tenure, and chosen as business partners in the workplace. Likable people are those that are empathic to others, not totally happy at risk of being delusional.
Why did I not write this column yesterday:
A) I wanted to wait and see if there’s was any fun St Patrick’s Day workplace news.
B) I was celebrating it a day early.
C) I got all involved in cooking and exercising and forgot it was Monday.
or
D) My cat said he would write it but he didn’t.
Only one of these things is true, but all of them are perfectly plausible.
Today, in the spirit of drunken abandon, I have a themeless mishmash of news, best read over a pint of Guinness.
You know the recession is bad when it even hits Sesame Street. I actually find this really depressing, but the fine folks at Fark lifted my spirits by photoshopping new occupations for laid off Sesame Street characters–like Bert and Ernie campaigning for gay rights. (Some are not work-safe…)
Two teens who look like Muppets were arrested for releasing pepper spray in a Germantown, PA Walmart (man, I wish newspapers would stop adding that hyphen). I know I shouldn’t laugh but these guys look exactly like you would expect.
What do you NOT want to do to the brand spanking new carpet at work? Do $84,000 worth of damage by spilling tea on it. And you really, really don’t want to do that if your employer is the Queen of England.
Okay so here’s another slightly not work-safe article. What I truly love about this advertising campaign is that it’s coming from the industry that has gotten in trouble for kicking women off their planes for not being clothed enough for their tastes.
Ms T and I were both struck by this article about a woman who drugged her boss’s coffee so he’d “chill.” Sigh. If only.
If you do go out drinking tonight, be sure to check that the lights in your bar are not tanning lights.
And, finally, “Chaos at Land O’Lakes Chili’s” is one of my favorite headlines of the week. It involves a grown man writhing on the floor and throwing crayons. Good times, there.
Okay folks, I’m off to exercise and not drink. Because that’s what happens when you get out of college. But if you are inclined to celebrate St. Paddy’s Day, please have a beer for me.
I am all discombobulated today. Not only was there that lost hour, making me almost run a red light in my exhausted disorientation this morning, but I changed desks on Friday (as did most of my department) so my poor brain is having trouble processing things.
But change is good, right? Right.
If you have worked in the food service industry (notice my lack of segue? That’s DST for you…) then you know that it sucks. It sucks in a unique, smelly, abusive way that few other jobs besides maybe trash collection suck. Which is why I am not surprised to see several stories related to food (mostly fast food, naturally) in my WWN folder:
*A frustrated customer assaulted a fast food worker with a sandwich in Peoria. A hot, greasy sandwich. Yum.
*A Dairy Queen worker in Washington is accused of poisoning the malt mix with cleaning solvent, then serving it to customers. But hey, looks like there’s a new job opening at Dairy Queen.
*Meanwhile another customer assaulted Chuck E Cheese, accusing him of pinning his son against a video game machine. I think if I went into an actual Chuck E Cheese I might be similarly inclined.
In other restaurant news, Hooters is testing the China market–but there, it’s called the “American Owl.” China also is home to “Bucksstar Coffee,” “Pizza Huh,” and “McDnoald’s.” But those aren’t officially linked to the American counterparts, unlike Hooters.
Two teens admitted to pranking Taco Bell customers through modifying the drive through radio so they could shout obscenities from the parking lot. Ah, youth.
And, finally, The Pita Pit in Hyde Park FL is confused by the theft of a chair. There’s even a drawing and a reward poster. Since this happened back in January, I hope they got their chair back. That’s just tragic.
All this talk of food has made me hungry, though it’s possible that I have that reversed and I was already hungry and wanted to talk about food. Either way, time to go grocery shopping. Have a great week and may we all recover from this Spring Ahead nonsense.
I have had a horrible time at work the past few weeks. The kind of thing that makes you cry, want to drink, and fall into bed at ungodly hours and then lie awake brooding, we’ve all been there. Luckily, it appears to be almost over, and I think I have convinced our boss to reward us with pizza. We’ll do anything for pizza, apparently.
I suppose, though, that I should be grateful to have a job. After all, I could be in the same boat as these people, and be facing the horror of having my 5-digit bonus be cut in half so I couldn’t afford to go to Paris.
On the other end of the spectrum, I could have been shot at work while rescuing a woman from her attacker, and then been denied worker’s comp.
If I had gone to a bar to drink away my sorrows, I could have been beaten up by bouncers for not using a coaster.
But I am comforted to know that if I lose my job, I could give blood, or make my husband donate sperm, for money AND career advice. Too bad I’m too old to donate my eggs or ovaries.
And if I do get fired, I certainly hope it’s not for having cancer.
Nonetheless, I am somewhat bummed I don’t work for this guy.
Okay, I have to go to my second job, namely taking care of my sick and prostrate husband before he dies of malnutrition. Hope you all have a great week.
So here I am with Presidents Day off and two things cross my mind: 1) Wow I miss the good old days when I got two holidays instead of one and 2) shouldn’t there be an apostrophe in there somewhere? (Wikipedia says it can be Presidents’ Day as well, so I guess I’m right.)
In honor of Presidents, today we will focus on the economy.
You would think in this economy that people would want to keep their jobs. Not so with this guy, who trashed the restaurant where he worked, because he wanted to be fired and get unemployment instead. I would be inclined to keep him permanently on the payroll, just not scheduled for any shifts–that is, assuming he is an hourly employee with no benefits.
Meanwhile, Germans are increasingly turning to doping to enhance workplace performance. “While men preferred efficiency-increasing supplements, their female co-workers often resorted to sedatives.”
In our two education-related stories this week, a teacher skipped class in order to go turn a trick in a motel. Sadly, this is nothing new in Uganda.
For the other education-related story I must give a little anecdote about how in junior high, one of the students raised cash for a class trip to DC by selling candy during lunch and recess. He was forced to stop on the grounds that he was taking profits away from the student council store. Anyway, he would have turned way more of a profit if he had done as this kid did, and charged $37,000 worth of candy to the school.
And finally, here’s a story about a non-profit organization that trains prisoners to be entrepreneurs. Now, it does involve Ms T.’s least favorite word, “productive.” But it also decreases the recidivism rate. And, if you have seen The Wire, you’ll know that it’s probably a good thing to keep business savvy criminals on Wall Street where they belong.
Okay, I am off to do something far less productive with my life, as our founding fathers envisioned. Have a great week!
Outsiders, rejoice! You are far less likely to be undermined in the workplace (probably because you are less likely to be perceived as a threat). And are you the boss’s pet? Watch your back:
Michelle Duffy, associate professor of business management at the University of Kentucky, learned from surveys of 4,100 employees at a U.S. retailing company that 53 percent of workers had participated in some form of “social undermining,” such as starting rumors about co-workers or sabotaging their projects.
Duffy could detect the strikes and counter-strikes in her research. “You could actually watch it moving through the social structure,” she says.
Employees were 30 times more likely to attack someone if they thought they were helping a friend by doing so. Groups of colleagues banded together to pick on the same people over and over again. Workers seen as bosses’ pets were among the most common targets, as well as women and members of the “in” crowd. Popular people attacked each other and were attacked by outsiders, but outsiders were usually left alone.
Several years ago, I had a series of interviews for a non-profit job at an organization funded by this guy. I think I was offered the job, but I don’t remember the details because I did enough research on this guy to decide I didn’t want to be part of his bid for redemption. It was a good job. It seemed stable. And the organization was certainly well-funded. There was just something about the whole thing that made my skin crawl. So reading this article about his rather intentional bid for a presidential pardon did not surprise me.
I just finished watching 24, which conflicts me. On the one hand, Jack Bauer tortures people. But he saves the world. Plus, he’s intense and I find that sexy. Also, they have had a black president and a woman president (and the white one turned out to be evil.)
But, torture. Though, in keeping with current sentiment, Jack has been condemned for this torture and hasn’t once used it this time around (just threatened it, and the belief that he will go to any lengths has been completely enough to get the bad guys talking.)
Conflicted, and yet I keep watching. Sometimes it’s a comfort knowing that others are willing to cut off bad guys’ fingers to save my sorry ass.
Sometimes, life is just like a movie: A Woody Allen movie, in fact. Only in this one, the crook ends up in the lavatory.
Speaking of lavatories: A toilet at the Carl’s Jr restaurant in Centerville, UT was destroyed when a patron’s gun accidentally went off and shattered it. So, what to do? Have a funeral, of course. “We only hope that the new toilet can fill the void left by its predecessor, but so far it hasn’t made much of a splash.”
When I grow up, I want to be a paper boy: We’ve talked before aboutthe weird phenomenon of people pretending to a profession, but I honestly never thought this was something to aspire to.
Put your preconceived notions aside: When I saw the headline about three senior citizens being arrested for robbing a Costco, I certainly did not expect three women. On the other hand, suspect #1 looks MEAN.
Ironic?: The headline pretty much says it all–“SIU accused of copying plagiarism policy.”
Your WTF of the Week: Goes to the man who was found dead in the restroom at the building where he worked as a security guard. He was wearing wellingtons, a wet suit, and a gas mask. It was apparently a case of auto-erotic asphyxiation gone bad and he had only been one day on the job. Way to start things off right, buddy.
And on that note, I’m going to bed and I’m hoping that last one doesn’t pop up in my dreams.
I really don’t believe in astrology. I swear! But having been informed that Mercury is in retrograde, I have to say that explains so much:
Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.
Dear God, yes, yes, yes, that pretty much describes my life. I suppose it’s only going to be a few more days of this.
I’ve been finding lately that Fridays make me want to lay down and take a nap, rather than writing. So I’m making an experimental move to Mondays, we’ll see how it goes.
I have these filed under “WTF?”:
*A pet groomer has been charged with “piercing gothic kittens.” Seems she saw nothing wrong with piercing their ears, necks, and tails. Because how is that different from piercing humans? (Ummm, can you say “consent?”)
*Speaking of pets, a real life Ace Ventura is having trouble collecting on a bill. His skills include dog nose calibration and he is even able to track down hedgehogs.
*A “famous” businessman in Tanzania and seven other people have been arrested for allegedly planning to kidnap and kill an albino herdsman for the purpose of witchcraft. Albinos in Africa are killed for use as good luck charms.
*One brand of eggs in Britain carries a warning on the carton: “May contain eggs.” And the back-and-forth between the company and the various experts is seriously weird.
*I actually found these two articles right around the same time, in a weird moment of convergence: The story of a woman whose home was ordered destroyed by the sheriff because it was blocking the road. And a Snopes story about a bridge that collapsed when a moving company tried to drive a house over it. I sense a training opportunity.
Cringe of the Week: A man won $2.9 million in a lawsuit against Home Depot after a pile of 18 DOORS FELL ON TOP OF HIM. But I’m actually enjoying the reader comments.
I sit here at my computer, in hat and scarf and several layers of clothing, and have come to one conclusion: I’m not wearing nearly enough socks.
Before my fingers turn completely blue and frostbitten, I will attempt to post some of my favorite articles from this week. Enjoy reading them as you wait for my memorial service to start.
You’ve come a long way baby: It’s sometimes hard to believe just how blatant racism and sexism can be, and then you read this Disney rejection letter from 1938. My favorite part is that it’s signed by a woman. “Women do not do any of the creative work.” With a picture of a witch at the bottom. It’s like they’re not even trying to be subliminal.
So what you really mean is: On the surface, this articleabout how to say things diplomatically might seem fairly innocuous, until you think about what their suggested phrases are really saying. The fine folks at fark.com expose the truth:
“Let’s wait on this until we have more information.”
Translation: None of you know what the fuck you’re talking about, so let’s wait until someone with a brain chimes in.
Fast Food Nation: Two articles caught my eye this week. An “offbeat” couple got married at Taco Bell and some kids found a condom at Chuck E Cheese. (Cause and Effect?)
This is Good News for Some: Peru’s top court has ruled that you can’t fire someone for being drunk on the job. Meanwhile, in Australia, a crossing guard was fired for smoking. But hey, that’s nothing, this teacher in Britain was fired for wearing tennis shoes. And for a local firing, here’s a waiter working just a few miles away from me who got fired because he played a tape of Arabic chants at a Jewish wedding. Hey, man, he was just trying to disrespect them privately.
Okay, my toes need to be thawed so I’m signing off. I think I need to find my cat.
Stay warm! (Except for all you Californians, you suck…)
The New York Times has a blog with commentary on the news, and this time the commentary is all about the workplace, particularly fear of downsizing. There is some really good stuff here (and the comments are insightful too):
Maybe these days it’s all layoff, no narrative — or else it’s what you might call a recursive text. I worked at The Village Voice for over a decade before being laid off in 2006, as the paper underwent restructuring by the new owners. In early December, I bumped into someone who had worked in a different department. He had been let go about a year after my departure. Being fairly senior, he’d eventually landed a plum job at a glossy magazine; I belatedly congratulated him, and he laughed — he’d just lost that job the previous Friday. Later that week, another former colleague (who was let go on the same day I was) e-mailed me saying, “Laid off again!”
Welcome to the work experience of Generation X. But, in all seriousness, there is some great commentary on the workplace here.