I am all discombobulated today. Not only was there that lost hour, making me almost run a red light in my exhausted disorientation this morning, but I changed desks on Friday (as did most of my department) so my poor brain is having trouble processing things.
But change is good, right? Right.
If you have worked in the food service industry (notice my lack of segue? That’s DST for you…) then you know that it sucks. It sucks in a unique, smelly, abusive way that few other jobs besides maybe trash collection suck. Which is why I am not surprised to see several stories related to food (mostly fast food, naturally) in my WWN folder:
*A frustrated customer assaulted a fast food worker with a sandwich in Peoria. A hot, greasy sandwich. Yum.
*A Dairy Queen worker in Washington is accused of poisoning the malt mix with cleaning solvent, then serving it to customers. But hey, looks like there’s a new job opening at Dairy Queen.
*Meanwhile another customer assaulted Chuck E Cheese, accusing him of pinning his son against a video game machine. I think if I went into an actual Chuck E Cheese I might be similarly inclined.
In other restaurant news, Hooters is testing the China market–but there, it’s called the “American Owl.” China also is home to “Bucksstar Coffee,” “Pizza Huh,” and “McDnoald’s.” But those aren’t officially linked to the American counterparts, unlike Hooters.
Two teens admitted to pranking Taco Bell customers through modifying the drive through radio so they could shout obscenities from the parking lot. Ah, youth.
And, finally, The Pita Pit in Hyde Park FL is confused by the theft of a chair. There’s even a drawing and a reward poster. Since this happened back in January, I hope they got their chair back. That’s just tragic.
All this talk of food has made me hungry, though it’s possible that I have that reversed and I was already hungry and wanted to talk about food. Either way, time to go grocery shopping. Have a great week and may we all recover from this Spring Ahead nonsense.
I have had a horrible time at work the past few weeks. The kind of thing that makes you cry, want to drink, and fall into bed at ungodly hours and then lie awake brooding, we’ve all been there. Luckily, it appears to be almost over, and I think I have convinced our boss to reward us with pizza. We’ll do anything for pizza, apparently.
I suppose, though, that I should be grateful to have a job. After all, I could be in the same boat as these people, and be facing the horror of having my 5-digit bonus be cut in half so I couldn’t afford to go to Paris.
On the other end of the spectrum, I could have been shot at work while rescuing a woman from her attacker, and then been denied worker’s comp.
If I had gone to a bar to drink away my sorrows, I could have been beaten up by bouncers for not using a coaster.
But I am comforted to know that if I lose my job, I could give blood, or make my husband donate sperm, for money AND career advice. Too bad I’m too old to donate my eggs or ovaries.
And if I do get fired, I certainly hope it’s not for having cancer.
Nonetheless, I am somewhat bummed I don’t work for this guy.
Okay, I have to go to my second job, namely taking care of my sick and prostrate husband before he dies of malnutrition. Hope you all have a great week.
So here I am with Presidents Day off and two things cross my mind: 1) Wow I miss the good old days when I got two holidays instead of one and 2) shouldn’t there be an apostrophe in there somewhere? (Wikipedia says it can be Presidents’ Day as well, so I guess I’m right.)
In honor of Presidents, today we will focus on the economy.
You would think in this economy that people would want to keep their jobs. Not so with this guy, who trashed the restaurant where he worked, because he wanted to be fired and get unemployment instead. I would be inclined to keep him permanently on the payroll, just not scheduled for any shifts–that is, assuming he is an hourly employee with no benefits.
Meanwhile, Germans are increasingly turning to doping to enhance workplace performance. “While men preferred efficiency-increasing supplements, their female co-workers often resorted to sedatives.”
In our two education-related stories this week, a teacher skipped class in order to go turn a trick in a motel. Sadly, this is nothing new in Uganda.
For the other education-related story I must give a little anecdote about how in junior high, one of the students raised cash for a class trip to DC by selling candy during lunch and recess. He was forced to stop on the grounds that he was taking profits away from the student council store. Anyway, he would have turned way more of a profit if he had done as this kid did, and charged $37,000 worth of candy to the school.
And finally, here’s a story about a non-profit organization that trains prisoners to be entrepreneurs. Now, it does involve Ms T.’s least favorite word, “productive.” But it also decreases the recidivism rate. And, if you have seen The Wire, you’ll know that it’s probably a good thing to keep business savvy criminals on Wall Street where they belong.
Okay, I am off to do something far less productive with my life, as our founding fathers envisioned. Have a great week!
I just finished watching 24, which conflicts me. On the one hand, Jack Bauer tortures people. But he saves the world. Plus, he’s intense and I find that sexy. Also, they have had a black president and a woman president (and the white one turned out to be evil.)
But, torture. Though, in keeping with current sentiment, Jack has been condemned for this torture and hasn’t once used it this time around (just threatened it, and the belief that he will go to any lengths has been completely enough to get the bad guys talking.)
Conflicted, and yet I keep watching. Sometimes it’s a comfort knowing that others are willing to cut off bad guys’ fingers to save my sorry ass.
Sometimes, life is just like a movie: A Woody Allen movie, in fact. Only in this one, the crook ends up in the lavatory.
Speaking of lavatories: A toilet at the Carl’s Jr restaurant in Centerville, UT was destroyed when a patron’s gun accidentally went off and shattered it. So, what to do? Have a funeral, of course. “We only hope that the new toilet can fill the void left by its predecessor, but so far it hasn’t made much of a splash.”
When I grow up, I want to be a paper boy: We’ve talked before aboutthe weird phenomenon of people pretending to a profession, but I honestly never thought this was something to aspire to.
Put your preconceived notions aside: When I saw the headline about three senior citizens being arrested for robbing a Costco, I certainly did not expect three women. On the other hand, suspect #1 looks MEAN.
Ironic?: The headline pretty much says it all–“SIU accused of copying plagiarism policy.”
Your WTF of the Week: Goes to the man who was found dead in the restroom at the building where he worked as a security guard. He was wearing wellingtons, a wet suit, and a gas mask. It was apparently a case of auto-erotic asphyxiation gone bad and he had only been one day on the job. Way to start things off right, buddy.
And on that note, I’m going to bed and I’m hoping that last one doesn’t pop up in my dreams.
I’ve been finding lately that Fridays make me want to lay down and take a nap, rather than writing. So I’m making an experimental move to Mondays, we’ll see how it goes.
I have these filed under “WTF?”:
*A pet groomer has been charged with “piercing gothic kittens.” Seems she saw nothing wrong with piercing their ears, necks, and tails. Because how is that different from piercing humans? (Ummm, can you say “consent?”)
*Speaking of pets, a real life Ace Ventura is having trouble collecting on a bill. His skills include dog nose calibration and he is even able to track down hedgehogs.
*A “famous” businessman in Tanzania and seven other people have been arrested for allegedly planning to kidnap and kill an albino herdsman for the purpose of witchcraft. Albinos in Africa are killed for use as good luck charms.
*One brand of eggs in Britain carries a warning on the carton: “May contain eggs.” And the back-and-forth between the company and the various experts is seriously weird.
*I actually found these two articles right around the same time, in a weird moment of convergence: The story of a woman whose home was ordered destroyed by the sheriff because it was blocking the road. And a Snopes story about a bridge that collapsed when a moving company tried to drive a house over it. I sense a training opportunity.
Cringe of the Week: A man won $2.9 million in a lawsuit against Home Depot after a pile of 18 DOORS FELL ON TOP OF HIM. But I’m actually enjoying the reader comments.
I sit here at my computer, in hat and scarf and several layers of clothing, and have come to one conclusion: I’m not wearing nearly enough socks.
Before my fingers turn completely blue and frostbitten, I will attempt to post some of my favorite articles from this week. Enjoy reading them as you wait for my memorial service to start.
You’ve come a long way baby: It’s sometimes hard to believe just how blatant racism and sexism can be, and then you read this Disney rejection letter from 1938. My favorite part is that it’s signed by a woman. “Women do not do any of the creative work.” With a picture of a witch at the bottom. It’s like they’re not even trying to be subliminal.
So what you really mean is: On the surface, this articleabout how to say things diplomatically might seem fairly innocuous, until you think about what their suggested phrases are really saying. The fine folks at fark.com expose the truth:
“Let’s wait on this until we have more information.”
Translation: None of you know what the fuck you’re talking about, so let’s wait until someone with a brain chimes in.
Fast Food Nation: Two articles caught my eye this week. An “offbeat” couple got married at Taco Bell and some kids found a condom at Chuck E Cheese. (Cause and Effect?)
This is Good News for Some: Peru’s top court has ruled that you can’t fire someone for being drunk on the job. Meanwhile, in Australia, a crossing guard was fired for smoking. But hey, that’s nothing, this teacher in Britain was fired for wearing tennis shoes. And for a local firing, here’s a waiter working just a few miles away from me who got fired because he played a tape of Arabic chants at a Jewish wedding. Hey, man, he was just trying to disrespect them privately.
Okay, my toes need to be thawed so I’m signing off. I think I need to find my cat.
Stay warm! (Except for all you Californians, you suck…)
For whatever reason, this was a really slow news week. So I have instead spent my time contemplating the meaning of all this weird news I’ve been reporting on for the past several months.
The more I read, the more I begin to see patterns. Probably the most interesting one is The Pretender. The Pretender, well, pretends to be something he or she isn’t–a lawyer, a cop, a doctor, a bus driver. Sometimes, they are just in it for the glory–they want praise for their good deeds. Other times, it’s a scam (for money, to cop a feel, whatever.) We saw last week it works in robberies. No matter what the reason, it’s an old trick. There are a couple of chapters about it near the end of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Frauds, Scams, and Cons.
Another thing I see a lot of is intolerance. I think that a lot of workplace problems would go away if people practiced tolerance and compassion. People get fired for being good samaritans. People get fired for getting beaten up. They get fired for having a sex change. I could use the tired cliche, “why can’t we all just get along,” but instead I choose to say “get a grip, people!”
And finally, another thing I have seen lately is in this economy, people will do anything. Nurses will become prostitutes. Mexican gangs will threaten children in order to get their teachers’ holiday bonuses. People will steal just about anything–cooking grease, truckloads of eggs, gardening gloves (Ha, just kidding. Just wanted to post the cute kitty.)
So there you have it. This is what I think about as I gather the news. There are also the ongoing trends of rampant stupidity, egregious discrimination, and our utterly screwed up education system, but these are the things that have stood out lately.
See you next week!
Wow, these four day weekends have really thrown me for a loop. And it’s cold, so I haven’t been going outside much, which means I don’t even know if it’s day or night. And I’ve been dreaming about witches, ice cream, and pet ducks, so it’s obviously affecting me.
Also, I have spent countless hours reading these threads about how badly retail sucks, and thanking the gods that I am no longer involved with those shenanigans. The Walmart stories are particularly enlightening. And here’s some interesting info about booking hotels through Hotwire/Expedia-type sites.
Here are some more holiday-themed stories. Last batch, I promise.
+Hallmark had to recall some 7000 snowglobes because they would act as a magnifying glass and cause fires. Oops.
+Here’s a feel-good story about Santa being saved after having a heart attack–by Long Island Jewish Hospital, at that. And then he went around the hospital passing out toys to the kids. Awwww.
+Two guys dressed as police officers forced their way into a family’s home, tied up the parents, and ransacked the house, stealing all of the holiday presents while the kids slept. It does have a pretty awesome ending. I’m pretty sure no one’s heart grew three sizes that day or anything, though.
+I’ve posted numerous stories about how kindness on the part of employees leads to them getting fired. Here’s one more, about a hotel clerk who allowed a woman whose wallet had been stolen to stay at the hotel for a few hours. She even asked her supervisor for permission, yet she still got fired. And it seems like the victim’s story was on the level.
+And finally, here’s a story about pizza employees being forced to work with no heat, though the owner’s wife, who is also the bookeeper, gets to have a heater in their office. Now, I used to work in a pizza place, and it would get pretty hot in there with the ovens on. Even if the heat does exhaust out, you can open the doors when nothing is cooking. Nonetheless, this owner is a jerk. It’s too bad that the boycott that readers are talking about will also affect the employees.
Okay, I’m off to sit on the couch and read, and pretend I’m going to exercise but really I’m going to eat chocolate. Happy New Year!
I ask this sincerely: Where is Generation X?
Why don’t I have any friends in Los Angeles who are remotely close to my age? Why don’t I even know anyone in Generation X who lives locally? Okay, I can name two, but most friends and acquaintances are Baby Boomers. Our neighborhood is composed almost exclusively Baby Boomers. Everywhere I’ve volunteered was staffed with employees and volunteers who were exclusively Baby Boomers. My workplaces have been Baby Boomer heavy (and Generation Y). My writing groups are almost exclusively Baby Boomers.
I know that you Baby Boomers make up a very big group (especially along with Generation Y). And I like most of you as individuals. But I’d like to know more people my own age (whimper).
I suspect Generation X might be in the same two places that we are: at work and at home. However, I’m most likely not going to meet you in either place. So let me ask out loud to make sure: Generation X, Where are you?
I must say, I’m very disappointed by the lack of post-Christmas stories today. Then again, it’s early yet. My holiday wasn’t terrible, though the niece and nephews wore me out (and had a few tantrums), we had to deal with the Crazy Aunt, and there were quite a number of cranky people in the house. On the other hand, I ate a lot of prime rib and I got to cuddle my godson (smiliest baby in the world) and my day started with coffee and bagels so who could ask for more?
I have collected a smattering of news to tide you over. You’re probably either experiencing post-holiday hangover, or working, or saying, “Meh, Christmas, I’m Jewish/Hindu/Athiest/a Martian” anyway, so I guess it doesn’t really matter.
Lowe’s has been accused of firing a woman over a religious-themed Christmas pin she was wearing at work. Maybe she simply didn’t have enough pieces of flair?
At the Illinois Health Department Christmas party, more than half the attendees got food poisoning. And it wasn’t even a potluck!
Police in the UK are cracking down on the practice of handing out glasses of mulled wine to shoppers at a traditional late-night shopping event. Why do the police hate Christmas?
And, saving the best for last: my favoritest story of the season. Lance, Inc. purchased a closed-down Archway cookie factory at a bankruptcy auction. They then proceeded to hand out prepaid $1500 gift cards to all 300 former workers, rehired 60 of them at full pay, seniority, and benefits (from Day One, unheard of), and have promised to hire back ALL of the laid-off workers when they start getting enough orders. Here’s their web site. Don’t you want some cookies now?
Have a great weekend. Happy Boxing Day, Hanukkah, St Stephen’s Day, first day of Kwanzaa, and a very Happy Birthday to Phil Spector. Hmmmm.
Due to New York’s “Use it or Lose it is Totally Cool by Us–Sucks to be You!” laws, I have several vacation days to burn through before the end of the year… and I’m glad that I took one of them to coincide with 4-6 inches of snow. Our first big snowfall of the season. Also we got our Wii last night so that’s convenient. I have plenty of potato chips and computer games so I’m set.
So I thought I’d pump this out early for a change. This being the week before Christmas (gah!!) I’ve been collecting lots of Christmas-related news. So here’s the Pre-Christmas Edition of WWN. By next week, I’ll start posting the holiday fallout.
Here’s a brief (possibly cut off?) article about a man sentenced for stealing 4000 pounds of Pepperidge Farms stuffing (this may be Thanksgiving leftovers.) It was stolen from a warehouse so I’m going to say that’s workplace-related. Authorities stated he was apprehended while robbing the Two-Ton Turkey Farm.
Possibly one of the most entrepreneurial things I’ve seen in a long time: this guy has a giftwrapping business which offers to wrap gifts really badly–thus making it look like you took the time and energy to wrap the gifts yourself. The business is geared towards men, but I have to say I could easily find a job there, myself.
Here’s a cool story about a jewelry store leaving free gifts around town. Surprisingly, there is no followup story yet about the bomb squad being called in to shut down the town.
A Missouri lawmaker is trying to pass a bill to officially declare December 25th to be “Christmas.” Dude… wait.. what?
We’ve talked about holiday parties ad nauseam in this blog. Well, there are some things you need to watch out for that generally don’t make the lists. For instance, disgruntled employees, who might just make the party more festive by murdering their former boss right in front of the Christmas punch.
Not weird, but just to round out the holiday party theme here’s an article about how being jobless increases the dread of holiday parties. I know my husband has certainly been through that.
Happy Holidays, whatever you celebrate (or don’t.) I know for a fact that MY holiday will be pretty farcical this year. Hope yours is every bit as entertaining.
I come to you, hat in hand, begging for forgiveness. My excuse for not posting last week was a backache. My excuse for not posting yesterday… Um… I needed a nap?
I’m lame. I know. But I promised Ms T that I would post today instead, to make up for it. I am feverishly searching for top quality workplace weirdness to make up for it. So here goes. Read the rest of this entry…
I’m in the market for a new bag of some kind, and I realized after sorting through hundreds on Etsy (wrong color, wrong style, or wrong size) I realized that I have retained one and only one lesson from my first job: buy a bag the size of your butt. Yes, that’s the lesson I’ve retained from the Cobbie Shop, home of shoes for women with problem feet in search of comfortable shoes (and ugly handbags for all). Your handbag must match your butt size. And, if you don’t know the rule, you will gravitate toward a butt-size handbag anyway.
Readers, do you have any lessons learned from former jobs that you apply today?
I’m going out of town for Thanksgiving, so no post next week. I guess I’d better make this a good one.
Things I am thankful for: A husband who loves me and tells me so every day. Firefox 3 tags. My cats. Coffee. Effective heaters. Friday.
Things I am not thankful for: Having to bite my tongue. Windows. Cats who steal my chair when my back is turned. My stupid coffee pot. Windchill factor. Monday.
Folks, I have to tell you, this was Annual Reviews Week and boy am I pooped. Six reviews given, one review gotten, a truckload of talking and not enough chocolate. Pile that on top of the six different crises we had this week, and I’m just not in the mood to amuse the masses.
So I’m taking a break but I will leave you with my favorite news story this week:
Girl Takes a Crack at Suing Over “Coins Down Butt” Though, gee, why any woman would take issue with having her butt crack used as a coin slot is beyond me… (Note that this is probably my favorite due to some Mark Ecko shadenfreude… I can never spell his name right and his style numbers make my data suck.)
To all our Santa Barbara readers: Stay safe, we’re praying/sending good vibes/crossing our fingers etc.
So I recently discovered in looking at my most recent paycheck that I had five and a half more days in my timebank than I thought I had. This being a “use-it or lose-it is totally okay by us” state (unlike good ol’ sunny CA) I suddenly find myself with a self-appointed three day weekend. Hooray!
Meanwhile, for the second week running, my topics are fully mandated by the course of human history, so I present to you my post-Halloween and post-Election Day recap, all in one handy post (would that be a Post-post?)
I love holidays. It’s like a built-in theme for the column. I barely have to think. Which is a good thing today, given the horrendous amount of candy I consumed at work. They had bowls of it in every conference room. Was that really necessary?
I’m betting all the Grade-A Halloween news will come out tomorrow, so I might just have to write a followup post, but I have a small collection going already.
Yes, giant balls of grass hang over cafeteria tables. What more can I say? It would enliven any cafeteria. It’s workplace decorating at its weirdest.
I just took the “What Were You Born to Do?” quiz on Facebook, with the result of “Sportsman/Woman.”
Clearly, I should be writing this column and not taking dubiously constructed quizzes on Facebook, particularly since my husband just expired from hysterical laughter. Perhaps the result came from my desire for everybody to get along?
I think I have finally consumed a sufficient amount of caffeine to write this, so here goes.
Today, it’s all about food. (Possibly, it’s all about how you shouldn’t be eating when you read this?)