Surviving the Workday

So I’m still feeling sort of creepy about saying why I don’t currently go to church, because I fear it came off as if I was denigrating church-goers or was a lazy-ass yuppie, and I’m neither. So I’ll write briefly about times when church worked for me (and I worked for church).

When I was seventeen-years-old, I went to Smith, and attended the Unitarian Society of Northampton and Florence in Northampton regularly on Sunday mornings for two years while in school. The minister was Victoria Safford. Now of the four reasons I mentioned yesterday for not going to church, some of those were still issues, but played out differently:

1. Church was important to me. I’m not sure why it was important to me, but I felt absolutely compelled to go to church. I loved Victoria’s sermons, felt something always shift within me, and felt lighter afterward as if the world had broadened before me. I can remember specific phrases she used that moved me (and it’s almost two decades later). This was a time in my life when it was important to see women in their late twenties and early thirties as role models for work in ministry (and academia) and life in general beyond Smith and Victoria certainly served that role as did Carol Zaleski, a religion professor at Smith.

2. The time of day still sucked. When I attended church, I used to miss brunch at Smith, which was the biggest and most elaborate meal of the week, and more importantly, included in my meal plan and already paid for. So it was essentially giving up a $15 meal with my friends, and having to eat elsewhere at a time in my life when I earned money scrubbing toilets. But I did it.

3. I seemed to matter more.  I don’t think Victoria had any idea who I was, but she still greeted everyone as they entered and left the church. Other parishioners were really friendly to me and there were other people within my demographic in the church. I suppose that’s because Northampton is partially a college-town, and it wasn’t unusual for students to attend services. But I had the distinct sensation of mattering, and my intellectual and emotional needs for stimulation and connection were met.

4. I didn’t see petty dysfunctional shit. Now I was 17 when I started attending, and 19 when I transferred from Smith, so it’s possible there was tons of petty dysfunctional shit that I didn’t know about. But I also worked in the RE program, and was always treated well and respectfully as I was when I attended church.

I think it’s important to note here that even though I attended regularly, I was not a member. Now why wasn’t I a member during one of the best church experiences of my life? Two reasons: 1. No one ever asked me to join. 2. When I saw membership materials, the idea of having to scrub more toilets to give more money (other than the money I had to pay for my missing meal, and what I was giving in the offering) was probably too much for me.

I’m going to write more about other times church worked for me next week.

Last night, I dreamt that I was in a hell of my own making working at Noah’s Bagel Bakery in a strip mall in Stevenson Ranch with six women demons.

Sound strange? Not if you know that I watched a DVD on The Tibetan Book of the Bed before bedtime. This is the strangest religious DVD I have ever seen. Some notes:

a. The DVD is narrated by Leonard Cohen, which sounds much cooler in theory than it is in reality. He has a great voice, of course, but it sort of lulled us into apathy and lethargy despite seeing dead people on screen.

b. There are a few clips of the Dalai Lama, in which, I swear on all that is holy, he sounds exactly like Julia Child. Blame the low production values. This realization was enough to awaken us from the Cohen-induced-apathy into fits of glee.

c. Have you ever taken ’shrooms? Because you’ll enjoy Part 2 of the DVD and the demons.

Tibetan Book of the Dead. Read it. Don’t see the video unless you liked the ’shrooms.

So I’m one of those people who affiliates herself with a denomination (Unitarian Universalist or UU), but doesn’t attend church and isn’t a member of a church. I realize that in the larger picture, this is undesirable and “bad,” but, after a few years of guilt, I’ve ceased caring.

Before reading my reasons for not attending church, you may wish to read what others have written regarding recent Pew research that only 24% of those who identify as Unitarian Universalist (UU) in a survey are actual members of congregations at Philocrites, Transient and Permanent, The Journey, Yet Another Unitarian Universalist, Boy in the Bands, and The Chalice Blog. This will help you read what I’ve written within a larger discussion of affiliated but unchurched people.

And please note that I attended UU Sunday school and five different UU churches regularly from age 5 to 27, went to seminary, have been an employee of both a UU church and a Catholic school with required Mass, so it’s not like I haven’t thought about church, theology, religion, and spirituality. For the record, I’ve also written about when church worked for me here and here and here.

 Here’s my list of why I don’t go to church any more:

1. I don’t actually think church is important for me right now  It certainly has been very important in the past.  It might become important in the future. And it’s certainly important to others. I’m not denying any of that. But considering I’ve regularly attended UU churches all around the country, I think I have a sense of what church is about for UUs, and church isn’t for me right now. However, I don’t think that means I’m less of a UU or less spiritual or religious.

2. The time of day sucks   I go to the Sunday Farmer’s Market, and it closes by 11:30. I like the place a lot; I like vegetables and fruit; I like wandering around. I always run into someone I know and have a chat. It makes me feel really good, and I’m not willing to trade that for church right now. And my Sunday mornings aren’t limited to the market. This Sunday, my friend Beth is coming over for brunch. Next Sunday, I’m having brunch out with other friends. For people with standard working hours (many of my friends), Sunday morning is one of the rare times to socialize.

3. My needs don’t seem to matter much in church  This is a biggie. When I was single, I felt woefully out of place in the UU churches I attended so much so that I volunteered to work in the RE programs where people (and by “people” I mean the kids) were closer to me in age. I rather liked those experiences, but it certainly didn’t make me want to hang out with the adults in the rest of the church. More recently, I’ve found that the UU churches I’ve attended have seemed populated entirely with parents of young children and retirees, and served their needs pretty well with programming (at least to an outside observer), but left me with the sense that I would be more highly valued in the church if I reproduced (or retired). Along those lines, I’m never particularly interested in the additional programming at church. Social action often seems low to absent, and family game night and folk dancing seem everywhere. That’s just not what motivates me to join the club.

 4. Petty Dysfunctional Shit  As someone who has experience with petty dysfunctional shit (often on a daily basis!), I seem to be able to identify it fairly quickly, and, unfortunately, one place it thrives is in churches. I have no need to deal with an additional time-suck on my energy during my down time. Plenty of churches have let The Crazies take over.

All of these seem like selfish reasons, but I since not attending church my soul and life seem to be thriving. And it took a long time in order for me to learn how to take care of me, so I’m going to keep doing it regardless of perceived selfishness.

Let’s say you read what I wrote above, and still had some interest in me attending your church despite what seems like abject grumpiness (perhaps it’s just honesty?) on my part. In that case, I’d suggest the following:

1. Don’t make church the end-all-be-all-of-ministry and of religious and spiritual experience, because it’s not.  It’s a part, and not the whole. And there is a growing number of unchurched folks out there getting their needs met elsewhere. As people with liberal religion, and a growing number of unchurched folks, I think listening to why and how they ended up unchurched is a good first step.

2. Offer an alternative service time and alternative ministry to Sunday mornings.

3. Spend considerable time understanding how to minister to single people, people who don’t have kids, and people who don’t fit into the mainstream of the congregation. Ask them what they want. I’m guessing it’s not folk dancing and family game night.

4. Stand up to The Crazies. And every church has them.

I don’t feel particularly good about this post or proud about it, but I thought it was important to state the legitimate reasons that I don’t attend church regularly in light of the larger discussion on the people who affiliate as Unitarian Universalist, but don’t attend church.

A twenty-three-year old unmarried pregnant teacher in Minnesota lost her job at a Catholic school. I guess she should have had an abortion (that was sarcasm):

Emily Prigge, 23, of Lake City, told her principal about her pregnancy last month. Prigge says the principal and a priest asked her to resign last week, and she did. Her pregnancy is about 15 weeks along.

Prigge was in her first year on the job at St. Felix school. When she took the job, she signed a Catholic Christian Witness Statement, where she agreed to set a good example as a Christian in her personal and academic life. Prigge, who is Catholic, says she was told that she didn’t live up to the statement because she had premarital sex.

I’m pretty sure the principal and priest aren’t setting good examples either.

Jacqueline and I were chatting via email about our blogs being nominated in the non-UU blog category in the Unitarian Universalist blog awards and how that’s funny as we’re both lifelong UUs who probably don’t mention that enough. Did I mention I was raised a Unitarian Universalist? And even though I have theological tantrums and threaten to go to the Zen Center of LA or get myself baptized and go UCC, I’m really still quite UU. So here is a bit more of my UU background with YRUU.  (more…)

I started reading Should Clergy Urge Fishless Fridays? thinking that the article was going to explore the moral implications of encouraging fish-eating when 70% of the world’s fisheries are over-exploited, exploited, or depleted. But no.  It’s all about mercury, and whether priests should suggest alternatives to tuna, swordfish and other mercury-heavy fish given recent information about mercury levels in big fish.

Rev. Thomas Nairn, an ethicist who specializes in health care at Catholic Theological Union, said priests aren’t necessarily under a moral obligation to make that suggestion. After all, gluttony is not in the Gospels.

“During Lent, one should watch intake of food in general,” Nairn said. “We’re not talking about pigging out on tuna. Any Catholic who’s fasting is going to be within the limits now suggested anyway.”

One wonders exactly what moral obligations the priests are under. And I’m wondering what cousin Walt, the former director of the Environmental Justice Program for the United States Council of Catholic Bishops would say. I know he’s concerned with overfishing. Maybe I’ll ask.

May I enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.May you enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.

May all beings enjoy happiness and the root of all happiness.

The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chodron

Bishop V. Gene Robinson during his keynote speech at the 20th National Conference on LGBT Equality in Detroit:

For a very, very long time, white, straight, educated, Western men have been making most of the decisions for the world, and you know what, the jig is up.

And my favorite:

If you’re not getting into some gospel trouble, you’re probably not preaching the gospel. Jesus was always getting in trouble.

Parts 1, 2, and 3.

Oh, I just saw Debra Haffner posted on this too, and she was there.

One of the reasons that I think books on Buddhism (see below) are helpful to most workers is that they acknowledge the impermanence of work. It seems to me that most of our struggles at work fit into two large groups: Why is this changing? and This person irritates me to no end. And for the Why is this changing? category, it’s helpful to acknowledge that work is always changing in small ways and in big ways. We just don’t always recognize it until a reorganization comes along, we’re laid off, or our company is bought by another, but work has been changing all along.

Resources

Work as a Spiritual Practice: A Buddhist Approach to Inner Growth and Satisfaction on the Job 
What Would Buddha Do At Work? 101 Answers to Workplace Dilemmas
The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times

 This poor twelve-year-old kid is caught up in his parents’ dispute over whether or not he should be circumcised.  Yeah, you read that right. He’s twelve. And his dad, who has converted to Judaism, is insisting that not only is the boy going to convert (or else?) but that he must have his penis converted as well. The mother, who is Christian, is saying no.

Luckily, a sane, rational judge is asking “So, uh, what does the boy attached to said penis want?” I can only hope the boy is able to express his own wishes, and not those of a parental figure–either one.

But what got me was this:

James Boldt said that as a Jew and the primary caregiver, he has a First Amendment right to practice his faith as he sees fit for his child.

Funny, I thought faith was a personal decision. At least, it is when you’re old enough to be asked what you want to do about that pesky foreskin.

You can read my prayer to Benazir Bhutto here at Cathy’s Heart Happy blog.

It’s part of a larger poem, an evolving collection of five prayers to famous people (Oprah, Ryan Seacrest, Jamie Lynn Spears, Johnny Depp, and Benazir Bhutto). And, yes, it’s prayer to famous people, not for famous people, and it is a theologically significant shift, but poets should not really explain too much.

I think Jerry Falwell might be tomorrow’s prayer.

Sally Quinn interviews Peter Gomes on Jesus, The Church, Communism, labels, and much more.

The LA Times has a series of stories on Southern California Muslim pilgrims on the hajj: Mecca, by way of Costa Mesa. The hajj or pilgrimage is the fifth pillar of Islam.

Resource
The Hajj Portal

I’m listening to a discussion on Your Call: How Can You Talk about Religion at Work? Lots of great discussion here on issues like:

• diversity v. pluralism;
• proselitizing in the workplace;
• the difference between a management sponsored Christmas tree and desk decoration; and
• compartmentalization v. decompartmentalization and bringing the whole self to work.

I don’t know Cardinal Roger Mahony. But I have read the LA Times regularly over the past decade and Mahony always comes off as an ass, particularly in relation to the sexual abuse lawsuits. Is he really an ass? I don’t know. 

However, this is just a weirdly layered story: LA Cardinal Beaten by Abuse Foes. Apparently in July Mahony was attacked and beaten while comments about the sexual abuse lawsuits were uttered. He did not report the attack because he felt he might offer the beating as reparations for the sins of others.

Of the intriguing details (and really I should not be so intrigued by a beating), this is particularly pointed:

Mahony came under fire from victims and attorneys who said he moved sexually abusive priests to different parishes.

“Of course we feel sorry for Cardinal Mahony,” David Clohessy, the national director of Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, told Claudia Pesciutta of CBS radio station KNX.

But Clohessy said the Church appears to have a double standard.

“What clergy sex abuse victims say is reported as allegations, and what Cardinal Mahony says is reported as fact,” Clohessy said.

Find Law provides a brief legal overview of Religion and the Workplace. I found the discussion of disparate impact and disparate treatment as types of discrimination useful.

Make Your Own Tree and Make Your Own Cards (and that’s our ceppo above in the corner of our living room).

Santa is Christian and Ms. Theologian Takes on the Big Red Guy (but not because he’s Christian)

Ms. Theologian Likes the Obscene and Ms. Theologian Still Likes the Obscene

Ms. Theologian Comments on Holidays at the Office and, additionally, and in detail, Ms. Theologian Comments on the Workplace Holiday Tree. Please don’t call  it a holiday tree. This bothers Ms. Theologian to no end.

Here’s an interesting article about a so-far minor movement regarding gay marriage. A few churches have decided that, if they can’t perform legal marriages for gay couples, they won’t be doing it for straight ones either.

First Congregational Church, also of Minneapolis, became the third church to join the protest when it approved a ban on legal marriage in early 2007. David Anger, who had his union with longtime partner Jim Broberg blessed there in 1991, says the time has come to force the issue. “There can’t be a gay door and a straight door,” he argues.

Most churches seem to be taking an activist standpoint with the issue, but these three churches have an interesting take on the matter. Some traditionalists understandably have trouble giving up their privileges (and possibly fail to see the irony in that.) But I never really understood the preoccupation with having a “real” wedding.

Looks like churches are going to be the vanguard of the gay marriage movement in years to come. What a surprise, churches actually following the teachings of Christ* and promoting tolerance.

*Note that I am not trying to exclude non-Christian religions with this statement. But I think that with the majority of our country professing to be Christian, they are the ones who will have the most influence in years to come.

Do you believe you’re holy?

Do you think God expects you to be holy in your lifetime?

Are you trying to be holy during the workday?

In research by the Barna Group (from lovely Ventura, California), three out of four adults believed that it is possible to become holy regardless of your past. But only 21% of adults consider themselves holy. And when questioned further about what it means to be holy, adults found themselves terribly terribly confused.

The Concept of Holiness Baffles Most Americans

In the Tibetan calendar.

And it’s Losar, the Tibetan New Year (and almost the end of the new year celebrations). Losar is celebrated according to the lunar calendar, so the date varies year to year. It’s also listed as a half dozen different dates in 2006! (So clearly this is more difficult to calculate than you might think).

Much like many Christian holidays are pre-dated by similar pagan ones, Losar is predated by a holiday. Tibetans have always celebrated Losar, even before they practiced Buddhism.

A Story about Losar
More about Losar

It’s Chinese New Year Today!

Chinese New Year starts on the new moon of the new year and lasts for 15 days. Here are some highlights:

First Day: Abstain from meat to assure a long and prosperous life.
Second Day: Treat your dog especially well as it is the birthday of all dogs.
Fifth Day: Stay home to welcome the God of Wealth.
Sixth Day: Begin visits to friends and family.
Ninth Day: Make offerings to the Jade Emperor.
Fifteenth Day: Lantern Festival

More about Chinese New Year

All Buddhist Holidays