We’ve lived in our neighborhood for almost a decade, and know some of our neighbors quite well. We exchange gift baskets of goodies with them, some of them quite elaborate in cookie variety and size. But here’s one thing I can’t figure out. Neither Jim nor I actually enjoy going over to the neighbors to literally give them the basket. We have to force ourselves to do it. I can’t quite figure out why. We enjoy making the basket. We enjoy eating items from their basket. And we like the neighbors. Something about the actual act of gift giving of this nature repels us. (Do we think we’re forcing it on them? Are we insecure about the goodness of our goodies? Are we reminded of going door-to-door with girl/boy scouts or some sort childhood memory? Do we know that the neighbors don’t like people intruding on them?) I like giving gifts to friends and family, but there is something about this neighborly practice that makes me really squeamish.
Thoughts? Comparisons? Sharing of similar (or different experiences)?
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:59 am
Could it be a dislike of small talk?
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:41 am
You know…valid hypothesis, CC though I actually love small talk, and am partial to it over meaningful talk.
But perhaps the “forced” part is part of it.
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:29 am
Obligations of all sorts get to me. Some call them traditions, but I often call them something much ruder.
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:46 am
Jeff recently stopped by friend-neighbors’ house to drop off cat-sitting payment for their kids, and a pie as payment for the parents who probably had to scoop the litterbox. He said he found it very uncomfortable, though I didn’t probe as to what he thought was the root cause.
Personally I always hate making unannounced visits, and even phone calls to, well, anybody I haven’t lived with for an extended period of time. I worry about inconveniencing or imposing on the recipient - even when I would never feel that way on the receiving end. With gifts, there’s also worry about causing them anxiety over reciprocating - “oh, we’re making cookies too, but not until this weekend…”
Ms. T, do you randomly pop in on these neighbors at other times of the year (empty handed), or do you mostly talk to them when you both happen to be outside?
December 23rd, 2008 at 3:13 pm
We have a policy of just never giving neighbor gifts or indeed gifts to anyone outside immediate family (and the forced giving to the pathetic aunt of course.)
There is always the discomfort when our neighbors drop off gifts when we got nothing for them, indeed, for the first year were wholly unaware that this was a possibility.