• I work in market research in real life. Or, let’s be clear, I work in the Operations department for a market research firm. I work with data. I can spot a data trend a mile away. I don’t need to be clubbed over the head to notice that there were two big trends in my collection of links this week:

The American Education System is a Sham: Just look at all the crazy education-related hi-jinks this week! I’m thinking homeschooling.

• A stressed out biology teacher threatened to “rip a student’s eyeballs out,” urinate on him, and kill his family. This is different from the body-slamming teacher from a couple of weeks ago. What is wrong with these people?
• An altercation over cupcakes led to an elementary school principal being suspended. “A disagreement between two men,” indeed.
• Another school principal skydived in a cow suit in order to fulfill a fundraising bet with students. I can remember our junior high school principal teaching class from the roof after a similar bet. I think he shaved his head another time. Ah, memories.
• A teacher unclear on the whole adolescent sex non-prowess thing told a 15-year-old student she wanted to be his sex slave. There’s some nipple pinching involved, too.
• And, sadly, an elementary school teacher died after teaching her final class before retiring. I hope she at least got her engraved wristwatch.

Restaurants: Serious Bizness: Lots of restaurant-related stuff this week, which would make me hungry except the first story is really unappetizing. Also the last one. I could go for some Spanish food, though.

• The failing economy is leading to yet another popular theft target–used fryer oil. There’s apparently a whole industry surrounding the processing of this stuff. I had no idea.
• An Ontario waitress was “laid off” (if you read the article, it was more like suspended) for showing up to work with a shaved head. She shaved it when she participated in local cancer fundraiser (similar to St Baldricks.) The reactions she got seem a little extreme, but then I am a liberal youngster. Also I support St Baldricks every year so this sort of pisses me off.
• Spanish chefs really take their work seriously as they clash over one chef’s criticism of the over-the-top ingredients and techniques currently in vogue–such as the use of liquid nitrogen and methyl cellulose.
• Mexican bathtub cheese, sold by street vendors and made in family homes is causing an increase in a rare form of tuberculosis. Mmmmm…. bathtub cheese.

Crazy Weirdness Mash-Up: My final category is just here to collect all the random stories that didn’t follow the trend (in the biz, we call this “All Other.”) I had to put them in or I would just not enjoy my weekend.

• KMart’s “True Love Waits” sweatpants are not really abstinence sweatpants. Despite that being the name of a major abstinence education program, and being emblazoned across the butt for the ogling pleasure of teen boys everywhere. Okay, not really workplace related but people do work at KMart so we’ll pretend it fits.
• A wandering cow stalled commuters for an hour in Contra Costa County, CA. A likely excuse!
• And finally, a professional rodeo clown, dressed in chaps (were they buttless? inquiring minds want to know) and wielding a toy gun, foiled a pair of would-be robbers. You can’t make this stuff up.

Well, that’s all for this week, folks. Enjoy your weekend and remember, if you get sad and lonely, you can email us at survivingtheworkday at gmail dot com.