16th May 2008
Weird Workplace News
This was a big week in workplace weirdness. I found so many articles that my bookmarks overfloweth. But fear not, I have culled out the best of the week’s weirdness to entertain you as we move into the weekend. It’s all about people this time. Because I’m a people person.
The Drunk: Some people like to have a drink after work to unwind. And some people don’t wait that long. Colorado Springs District Attorney John Newsome had 70 ounces of beer (that’s what, a six pack?) in just under two hours at lunch, and then drove a county-owned vehicle back to work… but he wasn’t drunk enough so he drove to another bar and downed another four pints. Meanwhile, a Texas substitute teacher got so drunk at lunch, he was too intoxicated to complete a sobriety test. You’d think the “IMBLZT” license plate would have been a tipoff.
The Delusional:In my favoritest story of the week a Texas mayor claims she sang backup for Linda Ronstadt and Jackson Browne, was once engaged to Don Henley, and had a brother who died in Vietnam. Dad says this is all a lie, but she says he has Alzheimers. Of course. And then there’s this guy in Nashville who posed as a firefighter so he could give fire safety presentations at schools. He has a few assault arrests, too. Sounds like a swell guy.
The Terrifying: On the one hand, we’ve got a radio station general manager who would strut around in dominatrix outfits, ask her employees (and fundraiser guests) about their sex lives, and would show up drunk (there it is again!) to business functions. On the other hand, we’ve got a judge who would make the bailiff rub her feet. I’m not sure which one makes me shudder more.
The Angry:The big news going around work this week was the onscreen cursing of a local newsanchor during a live promo spot. Gawker goes one step further and brings us the Top Ten Angry On-Camera Meltdowns. The weatherguy was my favorite. And a 911 dispatcher was fired after cursing a caller after hanging up.
The Desperate: This woman was so desperate to miss work that she faked cancer. And I guess you would have to be pretty desperate to rob the pizza place where you worked while still in uniform.
The Silly: This really has nothing to do with the workplace, except I suppose that the guy has a job, but his name just makes me gigglesnort. Penis penis penis.
That’s all for now, folks. See you next week.
PS If you care to share any crazy workplace stories you may come across, send them to survivingtheworkday at gmail dot com.
I think there’s a lot of undiagnosed alcoholism in the United States….
This is some weird stuff.
I’m feeling vaguely uneasy about how much I’m enjoying Weird Wordplace News.
Thanks, Charlie! I enjoy sharing it.
The hard part is culling it down to something manageable.
Ms T, it’s scary how many drunken workplace stories there are. I mean, work sucks sometimes, but I wouldn’t be able to get home if I drank as much as these people do.
I have heard stories of a teacher spiking his coffee with vodka (kept in his desk)…that may be an extreme case,but alcoholism is probably more common with teachers than people realize.
Wouldn’t that taste disgusting?
My beloved 6th grade teacher was rumored to drink vodka (from a silver flask) during recess. He was a great teacher, so it didn’t seem to affect his work. He was kind of old school, so maybe he was a functioning alcoholic.
As for “The Silly” … I recall a customer who called in once and pleaded not to be hung up on (again). He requested a manager before even giving his name. Finally, he got a manager, who wanted to know what the problem was. Turns out his name was Jesus Penis (pronounced Hay-soos Pen-ez). My favorite part? His wife’s name was Maria. No lie! I was an eyewitness. Poor guy; he was new to the States, and almost in tears with frustration.
I know that some years ago, I read a story about how guys named “Homer Simpson” still have trouble getting pizzas delivered, but H sofia’s story certainly tops that.