About a year ago, my company fielded a laughable survey that, among other things, implied that our friends should react with envy when told where we work, that we should feel our work (marketing) makes a difference in the world, and that we should feel like going to work is the most important and exciting part of our day.

Out of that survey comes an initiative of Dilbertian proportions–a committee to create a feeling of connectivity within the workplace. Today they unveiled their first masterpiece of epic failure: we received an email that proclaimed the first ever “Corporate Connections Week.”

Our first burden? We are all going to be assigned a buddy. Then we are expected to call them or meet up with them in person… to talk about our passions. I was going to spend an hour talking about my cats, but then Ms. T suggested mucus-related medical issues.

I think the important thing that this committee (made up entirely of HR people, since all the sensible people who volunteered quickly dropped out) missed is that you can’t force connections. All they are going to do is make me resent the lost time and energy, and mock their insane efforts at forcing me to essentially go on a blind date with my coworkers.