If you’re one of these people who wonders why more of the unaffiliated Unitarian Universalists (UU) aren’t joining UU churches (or your church in particular), let me suggest an experiment:

1. Leave your safe UU church, of which you are a member, one Sunday morning.

2. Visit a UU church a distance away where you know no one.

3. See what happens.

It’s that simple. Just see how you feel as a visitor to an unknown church. I’m willing to bet that some people have great experiences as the visitor (Kudos to the Meet and Greet committee) and some people are basically ignored (No Kudos).

I’ve played this game quite a bit both in Boston and in Southern California, and I think as a denomination we have a long way to go toward becoming welcoming toward all (and I don’t mean that in a Welcoming Congregation way, but in a Theology of the Stranger way in terms of how we treat people we don’t know). Yes, your church may be great for you when you know lots of people. I’ve read lots of great blog posts this week about how rewarding church is. And I don’t doubt it because I’ve found it really rewarding in the past too when I went regularly for years. But how is it for the stranger and potential new member? Do we greet her? Do we ignore her? Do we overwhelm her with attention? Do we corner her and not let her leave?

And, please note, this isn’t to say that other religious groups do a better job with this either. At a midnight Mass, Jim and I weren’t allowed to sit down in a pew in a famous Catholic church in Santa Fe unless we swore we would stay for the entire 3 hour service. That’s a big commitment to make a church usher at midnight.

Now you can continue this game with a few visits to that unknown church and see what happens. Are you recognized as a repeat visitor? Or treated as if you are brand new? And what happens if you ask about membership? And another kettle of fish entirely is to make the visit with and without a partner. I’ve found that seems to make a ton of difference in how I’m treated. But if you’re wondering why people who affiliate as UUs don’t join congregations, this is a simple way to experience what it would be like to be them as non-members.