To give you some background, I’m a member of Mount Vernon Unitarian Church in Alexandria, VA. I just turned 29 on Wednesday, I am married, but my wife and I do not have kids nor do we plan on having any in the near future. We’ve been attending MVUC since 2008 and we love it there.

This summer, I plan on doing a lay service on young adults and motivations for coming to UUism. I came into UUism because I was a paid section leader in a choir in a different church, but after moving to a different part of the country, I decided to become a member of MVUC. I agree with you very much that the church is predominantly either married couples with kids or retirees. We still love it there anyway because of the spiritual centering we get from going, but we want to find out what our congregation can do to attract more people our age and circumstance to it.

Anyway, email me any thoughts you might have. I’d be fascinated to talk to you.

Four years ago, I first walked into a UU congregation, 26 and single, and discovered I was literally the only person there between ages 16 and 36. (By the way, it has no folk dancing and no family game night.) After about a year, I decided that someone had to stand up to the crazies, and organize a weeknight service, and be the driving force behind some activities I would enjoy, including more social action. I rolled up my sleeves, volunteered, and got started.

Of course it would have been easier to walk away and just blog about why I was washing my hands of the whole thing. But it has been fulfilling to stay and help my local congregation implement those changes. There are now more than twenty active single 20-and 30-somethings in a congregation where four years ago there was one. And now some of them are now taking over the leadership roles I initially took on, so I can sit back and enjoy the spiritual feast myself. If I had just whined about how somebody should do something, I’d still be waiting. Good luck with your blog and your sense of entitlement.

I can sincerely say that it was only by the grace of God and his love and healing that I’m able to be part of a really great Christian community of faith today (with its faults, of course, with humans involved nothing is perfect, but that’s part of the way God grows us and helps us understand His forgiveness-by forgiving one another and maturing together in Him).

I really do understand where you are and respect that, and I believe there are seasons of life-it’s a journey-and God’s constant heart is for all of us to draw near to him. As a kid, I’d experienced the truth of Jesus and the message of salvation by his loving sacrifice, but mostly religion and the archaic structures and social clubs you and many of the commentators mention. However, as a young adult, God really gripped my heart, and once Christ did, I was never the same-I was in love. As a relationship of love, it has its ups and downs like anything else, but by God’s very communal nature himself, He draws you into community with other believers for the support needed to continue in Him in this fallen world, and also for the very desires He places for social justice that He calls us to by His nature. It’s sad to me that there truly are lots of wonderful people out there following Jesus, doing the “stuff” (ie feeding the poor, recycling, being good stewards of the earth, volunteering in tutoring programs, shelters, etc) in the name of Christ, interspersed in many different denominations, and yet so many people have had that bad taste in their mouths like I had because of those out there-as you say “crazies”- who might follow in name but not in heart (not that I’m trying to single anyone out-it’s for God to judge, but He did say in scripture that there would be weeds growing alongside the crops until the day of harvest…it’s always been that way…to give everyone maximum opportunity to know Him). God suffered and gave everything so we could have this amazing relationship of love and know how precious we are to Him, and I think there are a lot of young churches out there that are totally changing the way they do “church”-they’re creating authentic, loving communities-not service and program oriented clubs, whose focus is to reach people with the love of Christ, be agents of change in a hurting world, and minister to each others’ needs of all ages and marital statuses…God is still very much at work, no matter how much brokenness exists-He’s always been a pro at bringing good out of bad.

Also, I remember being single and, at a critical point in my faith walk, God just loving on me so much through lots of married couples at the church I went to at the time, along with other singles. I felt very cared for, and though I’m married w/ kids now, it’s important to me to be that for others now and be a part of friends’ “extended families”.

I hope this is not in any way “preachy”-that’s TOTALLY not my intent and apologize if it’s come across that way at all. I more wanted to share what God’s done in my life and I’ve seen in my walk with Him, as I felt it relevant to your insightful posting.

I’m glad that this is a time of growth for you and pray that, especially in this Easter season, you’d experience more and more of that passionate love He has for you and bless you with His presence and direction for the season ahead. *BTW-a friend of a friend sent me this link bc he thought your posting was really good-in case you’re wondering who on earth this person is! =)

This is definitely not a very UU comment is it, ha ha! Anyway, it’s not like I have it all figured out, this is actually a difficult decision to make and I definitely feel like there’s gonna be a hole in my life, starting tomorrow morning. But for the last 2 months every Sunday I find myself asking, “why am I even here? Where are the people like me? Is this really my congregation? Do I really belong here?”

The answer seems to be no, for the moment.

Why pick on folk dancing? Did you have a traumatic folk dance experience as a child? Were you frightened by a freilekh? Did a square dance make you squeamish?

I’ve attended several UU churches and have not yet been to one that hosts folk dances, but, if one of them did, I hope I wouldn’t hold it against them.

I can relate to the “what’s in it for me?” stuff, but it also frustrates and disappoints me. Being a part of any community requires a certain amount of inconvenience and discomfort, right?

I would theorize this, however, about having young families. I would guess that singles and empty nest baby boomer couples would probably spend less on their church than young families. While young families tend to have less discretionary income than singles, they are more likely to want to spend time in church activities with their kids so the children will have access to a moral legacy. Therefore, those families have more invested in the church, which should result in a greater consistant net gain. I’m shooting from the hip here.