15th Feb 2008
The Narcisstic Family
I was thinking about why exactly Children are not decor sickened me so much, and think I’ve identified part of the reason. The families, as described in the article, seemed to fit into the narcissistic family model, which coincidentally relates to the book I’m reading right now, The Narcissistic Family.
If you went to seminary, you probably read Generation to Generation about how to apply family systems theory to work in congregations. I think The Narcissistic Family can be equally helpful to congregations as well as other workplaces that function as dysfunctional families.
Keep in mind that the narcissistic family model doesn’t mean that the parents are narcissists in the formal personality disorder way. It means that the parents simply focus on their own needs to the detriment of their children’s needs. Here’s a quick overview of the narcissistic family characteristics:
- The needs of the parent system take precedence over the needs of the children.
- The responsibility of needs fulfillment shifts from the parent to the child.
- The child’s behavior is evaluated not in terms of what it says about what he or she may be feeling or experience, but in terms of the impact on the parent system.
In short, the parenting model is inverted. The children have to be responsible in ways that parents are usually responsible. Like not falling off the open stairway that a parent could have secured. Not bumping into a sharp corner that a parent could have protected. I think the narcissistic family model seems to apply pretty well to those lovely parents.
Then I started to think that the Narcissistic Family model might also work in the UUA’s decision to end continental funding for YRUU in that the needs of the “parents” (UUA) take precedence over the “child” (YRUU), and the ”child” has to demonstrate why this is a worthwhile service or practice (continental-wide YRUU), and that continental-wide YRUU seems to be evaluated only in terms of how it affects the “parents.” I don’t know if any of that is particularly true, but I’m really drawn to this model for evaluating situations at the moment.
Maybe someday someone will write a book called “Escape from Narcissism,” in which all of these people are offered salvation through service to and care for others.
I’m not convinced there is an escape from narcissism.
I will lead a movement to fight against narcissism.
Come over here and read my scripture!
Narcissism is a false prophet!
I live with narcisstic parents. I am scapegoated and basically blamed FOR EVERYTHING. My older sister joins in from time-to-time and they say am I am “evil” and “disobedient” and a “bad girl”. I wish they could all just die.