14th Feb 2008
Surviving Parenthood: Children are not decor
If you have a lot of sympathy for the rich (or the shallow), you’ll be able to read Parent Shock: Children are not decor without actually puking. I am so sorry that your Noguchi coffee table is childproofed and your dining room now functions as a play space. The New York Times would be such a better paper if it didn’t print these faux lifestyle trends of the rich articles.
I didn’t vomit, but I am sickened. I especially liked the part about not installing railing on the open staircase. I’d love to hear from her again after something terrible happened. Maybe I just worry too much. Maybe my visual aesthetic is woefully undernourished.
My visual aesthetic is undernourished as well. I do understand furniture as art, but it seems like these folks need to understand the notion of compromise a bit better.
That article made me feel physically sick. Completely self-centered … “I’m pretty sensitive, aesthetically …”???
Ugh. I don’t understand why some people have children. And this, once again, makes me admire the people with integrity, who say, You know, I’m not willing to change my life, so I’m not going to have children. Bravo!
It’s definitely puke-worthy.
I keep thinking that there must be a way to have a ministerial presence with The Shallow, and that the couples profiled truly must not be this shallow and that the article’s tone is to blame. But as it reads now it’s hard not to puke.
OK, you shamed me into reading your link to dog poop composting after you replied with an environmental explanation to my dismissive (and I thought funny) comment.
But this link sounds more repulsive and less redeeming (like zero), and I won’t read it, probably.
I’m not even sure how to respond to this. We were all done with the netting on the banister and the baby gate; but we had friends over often (one a babysitter who brought her toddler with) and we wanted them to feel comfortable in our house. The netting went up and the baby gate came out. I’d much rather deal with the puky “aesthetic” than feeling responsible for a tragedy. And, having my friends (no matter their ages) feel comfortable in my house? Not as pricey as one of those coffee tables, and yet, as the ad says, PRICELESS.
Rich people really are different than the rest of us, I guess.
Well, I hope you have a dog, Charlie.
And your comment was funny.
I worry what exactly our culture is up to when a newspaper profiles couples like these without any sort of commentary on the repulsive values they seem to illustrate. But you don’t have to read it.
I just don’t get it…I understand having nice stuff and wanting nice stuff, but it seems like you have to accept children will be children.
When I grew up it was very common for houses to have a living room that the kids were not supposed to / allowed to play in. The room consisted of the nice couches and antiques…it was the entertainment room for the adults (besides, they never had anything a kid would want to play with, lol). You always had the TV in another place, the toys in another place, etc…that way, the adults had a room for their sensitive asthetics, and kids had places to feel comfortable playing…if you can’t afford both, the kids bedroom / basement were the play room and the living room was still the living room…it seems perfectly reasonable for parents to want a room that is clean, has nice stuff, they can entertain business associates, hold parties in, and kids don’t destroy–but not a whole house of it.
I thought the notion of significant compromise seemed pretty missing from the negotiations these parents were making.
You survived your b-trip?
I’m glad I read that article. I think some of the parents featured there sound SICK. I mean, your kid is HITTING THEIR FACE on the side of your sharp edged coffee table repeatedly and as you finally babyproof it, all you can do is mourn that now the table looks like it was sold at K-mart?
Who the hell cares? If your friends are so shallow that they will judge you for having a $50 coffee table versus a $2000 coffee table, then you have big problems.
Yesterday a friend sent me an article from San Francisco about the cost of child care - the primary couple profiled were spending $2750 a month for *two* kids at daycare. And the question the article posed was “is the cost of child care squeezing middle class parents?” WTF? First of all, if you can afford to spend $2750 a month on child care, you are more than middle class!!!!! And secondly, you are CHOOSING to send your kid to Montessori or whatever place; there are absolutely cheaper alternatives. And thirdly, the fact that some parents are - again - choosing to spend that kind of money on child care is *not* the reason child care costs are too high - it’s when you MAKE $1000-2000 a month gross and the cheapest child care is $500 a month per kid.
I just got so angry. I really did. And this article about these sickening parents who think their aesthetics are more important than the safety of their children just makes me feel like thrashing a few people. I grew up in a not-baby-proofed house and I don’t think you need to have disposable furniture to have kids, but what the heck? What am I supposed to think about these parents? If the biggest sacrifice they have to make to have kids is the $10,000 white sofa, I just cannot in any way relate to them - and I don’t want to.
I just hope the number of people who are actually like this is a very, very tiny number. *breathe* Okay, I’m going to get over this.
Yes…I made it through my absolutely ridiculous business expense conference. How I hate the industry I work in sometimes. What a total waste of money (for the hotel)…but that is the industry I work in. It is moments like this that I wish I worked for a large company that paid for my expenses–unfortunately, working for myself, I have to pay for the trip out of pocket. But I solidified one relationship that will make me more than the trip cost, and I have a few new contacts–if one of them works out, the trip will have been a huge success for me…but right now, when the money is spent and you have nothing to show for it yet, you kinda hate the whole thing, lol.
Back on topic…a lot of people are in situations where they don’t just have friends over–they have business partners, potential clients, etc. Depending on your business, you need to have a house that is up to your particular industries standards (my brother and my step-sister both have immaculate houses for this reason–the kids have designated play areas out of public view, because they host parties and events for their job).
When we lived in Santa Cruz which costs about the same as San Fran–child care prices for moderate places was crazy like this. It is not people sending kids to Montessori or what not…it is the cost of child care. Demand increases price–there is a shortage of child care providers and an abundance of 2-working parent households…the alternative is often a mom or grandmom who has no certification, no quality control, no inspections, etc. But if you want a place that has trained staff, you often have no choice but to pay a large sum of money for child care…many families with two working adults spend 1 persons pay entirely on child care. They would often be better off if one person stopped working, but then they will lose that time in employment, and moms don’t get any credit for being moms, when they come back to the work force…so by becoming a stay at home mom, they limit there future earning potential tremendously. And when you consider many private colleges are now charging 40-50K per year…you are looking at 1/2 a million to send two kids to college–limiting earning potential is a scary trade-off, when you know what the college costs are going to be (even state schools have gotten expensive, compared to the past).
I want to say to some of these parents.
Your children. They are not special.
I know YOU think they’re special. I’m aware of that.
I’m just here to tell you that. They’re not.
Love your child, but your child is not an extension of you or somehow part of this high-rent FANTASY you have created for yourself.
Utterly sickening. What kind of people will these kids be when they grow up, if their parents are this selfish? Reality check on Aisle Three, please.
Sorry… I’m not puking - I’m laughing out loud!
I would concur with some of what ghost girl hubby said - some of these folks have to have “show” homes to entertain at a certain level for their careers. But. Jeez Louise. There are limits. Put the damn designer coffee table in storage along with the fancy chairs for a few years.
We raised three kids with garage sale, thrift shop, and inherited furniture. I figure we’ll get a NEW couch in a couple of years - when everyone has moved out for good. But, wait, maybe then - grandchildren? Maybe no new couch…
I laughed hardest about the kid who carved her name in the imported table. Hey, you know how some people pay a lot of money to buy “distressed” furniture? My kids distressed it all for me - for free! Thanks for such a great giggle!
GG - I was really outraged yesterday, so thanks for offering some alternative ways to look at the situation. I’m still dubious about the child care; if it truly costs almost $3000 a month for two kids in child care - and that’s just for your run of the mill, basic day care center - the vast majority of California parents simply could not afford it.
Their kids must be sitting at home by themselves, or one parent is at home with them, or - *aghast* - a relative, nanny, or home care provider must be caring for the kids because the median household income for Californians in 2006 was $55,000 (according to CA’s Department of Finance). It’s just not possible that all these families are spending $30,000+ a year on child care for two kids, unless they are making far more than that (or taking out loans, or doing some other drastic thing to pay for the child care).
I definitely agree child care costs are very high, but I think they are too high loooong before they get to that range. How do the true working class manage?
By the way, here’s the link to the article I mentioned. Note that in the first paragraph we’re told the featured mom was paying $2750 a month for child care - “nearly 20% of her household income.” Wow; a mere $168,000 a year. Surely, something must be done about the cost of child care?!
Then I read Ms. T’s article about how the poor creative director of CondeNet had to make his $1300 coffee table less dangerous for his toddler. Boo f-ing hoo! Oops, now I’m getting riled up again. Not at you, GG, by no means!
I think I’m alone on this one, but umm.. these people WERE covering up their furniture/putting it in storage. The kid who carved her name into the French dining room table had clearly been forgiven. The fancy drapes had gotten stained and the parents were over it.
So they were sad? They were mourning some of the trappings of single life, a life they clearly liked a lot, all while talking about the changes they made for a life with kids that they also liked. Admittedly, the people who hadn’t put extra railings on the staircase were a little nuts, but even they had a giant playroom.
IMHO, anyone who isn’t a little bit sad to turn their formal dining room into a playroom for the kids hasn’t thrown enough dinner parties.
CC
[…] think they can still be good parents without making any changes to their lives. (See article that Ms. T pointed out a few months ago about how children are not decor (shock!), including this weirdo […]