Sunday I flew back from our poetry workshop and was reading O Magazine (at this point in the narrative, a small devilish voice is heard in my head that says, “Oh really? And what other bourgeosie things were you doing? Pilates? Eating organic dark chocolate? Planning a trip to William Sonoma? It’s not a very nice voice). And I came across Oprah’s interview with Pema Chodron. Chodron is famous for speaking about tonglen breathing, which is just about the only technique I’ve ever used that seems to manage pain of all sorts. The problem is that it’s so painful to use that I often simply forget about it. Like in the dentist’s chair. Or after a miscarriage (or during, for that matter). Or when dealing with capricious clients. 

Here’s an excerpt that struck me as particularly helpful:  

 Pema: Of what it feels like, which is always—feels really bad, and it’s usually in the throat or the heart or the solar plexus. And it feels like a tightening. If you can stay with that feeling and breathe very deeply in and very deeply out, and say to yourself, millions of people all over the world share this kind of fear, discomfort what—I don’t even have to call it anything—they share this not wanting things to be this way. And it’s my link with humanity. And why—and it gives birth to a chain reaction which causes people to strike out and hurt other people or self-destruct. In other words, not staying with the feeling cuts you off from your compassion for others, your empathy for others, and also from the largeness of your own heart and mind.

I’ve had that tightness in my chest on and off for a few months. It’s worse with some of the stress of recent work, but it’s more or less always there. I had understood it as anxiety and pain in the unpredictable and unwanted circumstances. But I drew a great deal of affirmation from Chodron’s words in that I can be with the pain, in the sense of be here now, and don’t need to chase it away and move on to a happy place with bunnies, babies, and tulips.

Read the whole interview.