18th Dec 2007
Ms. Theologian Reconsiders Boss Gifting
Dear Ms. Theologian,
-Already Gave a gift
Dear Already Gave,
No. Not exactly. And let’s clarify that we’re not talking about giving your boss away, but giving a gift to your boss.
At a basic level, the most important thing to consider is your relationship with your boss within your particular workplace culture and how you can behave in a way that is respectful to others and to yourself. Ms. Theologian can imagine an informal workplace in which everyone exchanges gifts and it is perfectly fine to give a gift to your boss. Ms. Theologian can also imagine a formal workplace in which it comes off as a bribe, and that’s what GhostGirl was commenting on here. That is what you want to avoid. Ms. Theologian can also imagine a situation in which your boss does not celebrate Christmas and looks at your Christmas gift with a “What the hell is this?” sort of look. This is why you have to use your own judgment keeping in mind respect all around.
If you celebrate Christmas and feel compelled to give a Christmas gift to your boss or coworkers, it is usually acceptable to buy or make something for the entire office providing you don’t attach a card that says, “Celebrating the Birth of Our Savior the Lord Jesus Christ.”
Wait, wait, but what if you work at a Christian non-profit organization where everyone is Christian? Do you get to use the Celebrating the Birth of Our Savior The Lord Jesus Christ card then? Sigh. This is just a quagmire. Maybe. But must you? Even if we are all the same religion and denomination, we are not all the same in our religiosity.
Ms. Theologian chooses to err on the side of sensitivity to others rather than assumptions of sameness. And part of this is because she has been just about the only non-Jewish person in a non-profit organization. And she has been just about the only non-Indian at an another non-profit. And the only non-Catholic at a Catholic school. And while she does not mind participating in the celebrations of others (and enjoys it, actually), assuming that others feel as you do and celebrate as you do seems a bit narcissistic.
The United States is the most religiously pluralistic country on earth. It is not okay to assume that Christmas is simply a cultural holiday celebrated by all regardless of the fact that your Jewish friend has a small lit tree. This is a complex world of evolving traditions that requires empathy and respect for others rather than imposing our own ideas of how it is to be human and what it is that we celebrate.
-Ms. Theologian
P.S. You could write to Ms. Theologian at ms dot theologian at gmail dot com, but she’s really tired.
Think also about this: You giving gifts to your boss makes your coworkers feel like they also have to give gifts or look bad. This is why sharing-type gifts are better.
As Ms T says, it’s really situational. For example, I and some other employees are giving our boss a gift certificate to a local steakhouse, because at this time next year we will not be managed by him–due to the reorg–so we wanted to do something nice to say thanks.
Empathy from GhostGirl! See you do have it!
Well… It’s more that I’ve experienced the peer pressure… which is why I feel I have to give my people gifts… so I’m really just a selfish bitch!