First, a brief introduction: I am Anne P, and my qualifications to write on this blog are 1) I work and must survive it and 2) I have been friends with the editor since we were trapped together in a college class on mineralogy. Not much to go on, but I’ll do my best.

Ms. Theologian has previously addressed some facets of grief: funeral attendance by the boss and the stages of grief. As a work-from-home freelancer, she did not have to face any curious coworkers this morning, and will not have a fixed policy to follow/fight for time off to grieve. (Note that this doesn’t mean she won’t have to discuss with her clients her emotional state and its effect on her ability to work.)

My employer (private, non-profit, education field) has very specific official rules for funeral and bereavement leave: from 1 to 5 days (with pay) for different categories of relatives. And you might be asked to prove that you were related to the deceased. However, they also like to be friendly (and generally succeed), so requests for additional leave “will usually be granted within reason” - and can be paid if you have vacation or sick time available to use. There is no mention of miscarriage, which does not surprise me.

Our department also has a specific policy about how the department will officially acknowledge life events - some things for some people qualify for flowers, others just a card. I found it hilarious when I first saw it - in a slightly twisted way, like reading in the Accidental Death and Dismemberment insurance how much each part of your body is worth - but sadly I cannot lay hands on it at the moment. But I know it didn’t have miscarriage mentioned either. When a coworker suffered a miscarriage several years back (before this policy existed), I had to take the initiative to make sure “we” sent her flowers; it didn’t seem to have occurred to anyone else.

So I would like to ask you:

1. What are the official and unofficial grief policies where you work?
2. Does anybody have any policies that mention miscarriage?

– Anne P