Surviving the Workday

I don’t usually delve into workplace fashion because others do it so well. And if you’ve met me in person, you’d sense another reason. However, I did just finish Full Frontal Fashion, and did learn a few helpful tips for workplace fashion.

1. Clean it Out Cleaning out your closet involves a certain amount of courage and self-reflection. You have to remove items with stains that won’t come out, clothes that are snug or loose in the wrong places, and anything heavily dated.

We all know we should not have clothes from the 1980s, unless we are wearing them as vintage-wear. That is to say, intentionally. Unfortunately, I found a pair of black faux-suede pumps from 1988, little cream-colored heels I wore to my college graduation (which gave me gawdawful blisters), and strappy blue heels that I “wore” to my cousin’s wedding. I say “wore” because most of the time I carried them in my hand because I can’t walk in them to save my life. All shoes have been donated. I also found cowboy boots, which I kept.

2. Organize by Outfit After the closet is cleaned of the dated, stained, and ill-fitting gear, consider putting together outfits in your closet, including bottoms, tops, even underwear and belts. Then figure out what you need to add in to make an outfit.For example, I had a bunch of outfits that were actually hip, but lacked critical parts (a bra that wasn’t visible under a shirt, a belt, a purse). This process made packing for my last business trip quite easy.

Thus ends the helpful tips.

There were any number of dumb generalizations and rationalizations in the book, including why I should dress up while working at home: The UPS man could be your next husband! Uhm. No, the UPS man is named David, he’s married with two kids, he’s Catholic, and he’s friends with my husband. Or this one: Try a thong for a week. You’ll never go back! Uhm. No. Just no.

Yes, that’s “gay” written eight times. And apparently it’s enough to alert a spam filter at Telecom without the exclamation points.

Gay Hamilton of Nelson, New Zealand, was interested in broadband service, so she emailed the help desk at Telecom, her local service provider, which promptly bounced her email back to her with this message:

“[Your email] was identified by our content filtering processes as containing language that may be considered inappropriate for business-like communication…”

That “inappropriate” language? The word “gay.” Her first name.

What’s even more disturbing is that the chastising email was apparently intended for internal use, that disciplinary action was mentioned in a later part of the email, and that Telecom had spent time and energy developing a system to screen for “gay”…. Note that they do screen for “heterosexual” as well.

The story is Gay Filtered in Telecom Emails via Boing Boing and it’s required that I share the song going through my head right now… I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty and gay….

We run a tight environmental ship here, possibly because I’m a bit of a what the neighbors call an “eco-freak.” I’m married to someone who refuses to buy anything made in China, so we buy nothing new at all. And we live and work in 600 square feet. I’ll stop there because that’s enough for people to start throwing things at my glass house (I will admit that we installed heat and air conditioning). In any case, I’ve written a few tips for reducing and reducing paper. (And Boy in the Bands has more tips for greening your office, Ms. Kitty has tips for greening your lifestyle, and Mom to the Left has other green lifestyle tips.)

One of my favorite episodes of The Office is Diversity Day (you can view a clip of an absurd stereotype game here). In Employee Diversity Training Doesn’t Work, Time Magazine writer, Lisa Cullen explores the results of sociologists work resulting that diversity training doesn’t make a workplace more diverse.

Frank Dobbin of Harvard, Alexandra Kalev of the University of California, Berkeley, and Erin Kelly of the University of Minnesota sifted through decades of federal employment statistics provided by companies. Their analysis found no real change in the number of women and minority managers after companies began diversity training. That’s right–none. Networking didn’t do much, either.

So guess what worked? Mentorship. Let’s say it again: mentorship at work and mentorship in life are powerful ways of building community two-people at a time. Mentorship helps where large-scale training fails.

But why doesn’t diversity training work? A few theories:

Social psychologists have many theories to explain why diversity training doesn’t work as intended. Studies show that any training generates a backlash and that mandatory diversity training in particular may even activate a bias. Researchers also see evidence of “irresistible stereotypes,” or biases so deeply ingrained that they simply can’t be taught away in a one-day workshop.

Ms. Theologian was quite busy this week with your queries: coping with parental criticism, deconstructing The Crazy, and profanity in the workplace.

Ms. Theologian also continuously pimped the Vein of Gold blog including an invitation for you to join, thoughts about “being blocked,” and thoughts about walking as a spiritual practice. The photograph is a side blotched lizard that she photographed while on her walk.

It was also Secretary’s Week, and Ms. Theologian wrote about the decline of reception.

I just wrote about my morning walk as a spiritual practice on the Vein of Gold blog.

Femminista and I have started a little group of people who are going to work through Julia Cameron’s book Vein of Gold through the summer.

Femminista and I are starting slowly now, and a half dozen folks will join us in the group blog world this summer. If you’d like to join, you need a copy of the book, and to email Femminista (femministadellacasa AT gmail DOT com) and she’ll let you blog with us.

so it’s time for a quiz!

Take the Princeton Review Career Quiz.

My interest color is “green.”

People with green Interests like job responsibilities and occupations that involve persuasion, sales, promotions, and group or personal contact. People with green Interests enjoy activities that include: motivating, mediating, selling, influencing, consensus building, persuading, delegating authority, entertaining, and lobbying. These Interests often lead to work in marketing, advertising, training, therapy, consulting, teaching, law, and public relations.

Egads! Post your results in comments.

Dear Miss Theologian,

I work in a very professional office, and a coworker curses all the time. Everyone notices, including her boss, and she hasn’t been promoted because of it. But she won’t stop. I am not offended, exactly, but I’m not thrilled with it. I was raised to think that only low-class people talked that way. Should I tell her that her cursing bothers me?

feeling shy

Dear Feeling Shy,

Hmmm…you may have made some assumptions about what a theologian might think about profanity, so Ms. Theologian will give you the opportunity to retract your question….

Retracted? No?

Very well. Don’t say Ms. Theologian didn’t give you a chance.

Ms. Theologian grew up in a profane household. Ms. Theologian’s parents curse (or cuss) all the time. And Ms. Theologian is a writer, who likes words. All of them. So she’s rather comfortable calling a motherfucker a motherfucker. But she doesn’t call everyone a motherfucker. She tries to choose her words carefully.

She was also a high school teacher and, during those years, she did not drop the f-bomb. Or the sh-bomb. Instead, she listened to her students, who occasionally called her a “fucking bitch.” (And she can’t blame them, really. She probably was.)

Ms. Theologian tells you this to demonstrate that language can be used in different ways at different times. Language is complex. The language that works at home may not work in the workplace. Or language may work in one workplace, but not another. Btw, many workplaces have language guidelines, which serve mostly to “protect” them against sexual harassment lawsuits.

So should you tell a coworker that her use of language offends you? Sure. That conversation will probably go like this:

You: I hate to bother you, but you just said the f-word, and it bothers me.

Her: No fucking way!

You: Yes. There it is again.

Her: Well, fuck off!

Ms. Theologian is toying with different scenarios in her head, but she can’t get it to play out better for you. That’s probably because Ms. Theologian is low-class too.

That said, she does think that people should be careful about language, which may be part of your concern. Constant cussing isn’t being careful. Many people agree, including the author of What’s Wrong with Swearing? In fact, he links to fourteen articles in the media on cussing and the workplace. But Ms. Theologian can’t go along with him whole hog because he advocates the use of harmless substitution phrases. For example, in f*ck: a documentary, Ms. Theologian learned that Pat Boone uses his own name as a profane word (e.g., Oh, Boone!). Ms. Theologian chortled for a half hour at that.

Boone!

Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you’d like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

Dear Ms. Theologian —

I’m considering going back to a company I worked for several years ago. I was recruited away originally by a good friend, who was to be my boss. But having had this new job for two years, my boss is now leaving, and I’m thinking of going back to the old company, which used to a crazy place, but I’m hoping has changed because of new management (corporate buy-out, actually). How do I know if anything has changed?

-Confused

Dear Confused,

Consider how to deconstruct craziness. What makes a workplace crazy? The people? The actual tasks involved? The building? What is underneath the label of “crazy”?

Ms. Theologian worked for a very crazy nonprofit for several years under different reigns of management. She was convinced if the first leader of the nonprofit left that everything would be better (deadlines and expectations would be reasonable, people would be respected, contractors would be paid, grants would be awarded). This turned out not to be the case. The exact same craziness existed without the former leader. And because of that, the new leader left too. And then the next leader left. You get the picture. (Ms. Theologian has also seen this go on in churches quite a bit as well as more corporate environments. This is not a nonprofit issue)

What is the moral of this story? Set aside the individuals involved and the actual tasks they do. Focus on the dynamics. Dynamics can remain static even when people shift in and out of positions. So when you consider taking your old company back, first go there, hang out for a while and talk to the assistants, who know what really goes on, chat with your former coworkers, take a few to lunch, meet with your prospective bosses, and then ask yourself if anything has changed.

-Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you’d like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

You might just be blocked.

And you might find an on-line group just the kick-start that you need. Femminista and I are still looking for a few people for our Vein of Gold group. This is an ideal group if you:

a. are an artist (painter, musician, writer, dancer) who has encountered obstacles in your work (and haven’t we all) or
b. are not an artist, but would like to paint, play, write, or dance more in your daily life.

Fit into one of those categories? You might feel that you’re just too worn out to commit to anything more in your life. You might feel that you’re just lazy. But don’t let those ideas prevent you for joining (at least don’t let laziness). Here is some of the wisdom from Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way about “laziness”:

One of the most important tasks in artistic recovery is learning to call things—and ourselves—by the right names. Most of us have spent years using the wrong names for our behaviors. We have wanted to create and we have been unable to create and we have called that inability laziness. This is not merely inaccurate. It is cruel. Accuracy and compassion serve us far better.

Blocked artists are not lazy. They are blocked.

Being blocked and being lazy are two different things. The blocked artist typically expends a great deal of energy—just not visibly. The blocked artist spends energy on self-hatred, on regret, on grief, and on jealousy. The blocked artist spends energy on self-doubt.

The blocked artist does not know how to begin with baby steps. Instead, the blocked artist thinks in terms of great big scary impossible tasks: a novel, a feature film, a one-person show, an opera. When these large tasks are not accomplished, or even
begun, the blocked artist calls that laziness.

Do not call the inability to start laziness. Call it fear.

Fear is the true name for what ails the blocked artist. It may be fear of failure or fear of success. Most frequently, it is fear of abandonment. This fear has roots in childhood reality. Most blocked artists tried to become artists against either their parents’ good wishes or their parents’ good judgment. For a youngster, this is quite a conflict. To go squarely against your parents’ values means you’d better know what you’re doing. you’d better not just be an artist. You better be a GREAT artist if you’re going to hurt your parents so much…. (p. 152)

What will we do in the group?

We will work through Julia Cameron’s Vein of Gold book together, but at our own pace.

What do you need in order to join? You will need a copy of her book, time to write your morning pages (15 minutes in the morning), and a little time to read, walk, and reflect.

What are the rules?

We will follow these rules for working in a sacred circle of creativity.

then how much money have you saved? (Don’t actually tell me. I don’t want to know).

A Wealth of Smarts Does Not Guarantee Actual Wealth in Scientific American indicates that IQ isn’t correlated to wealth (but it is correlated to income…which is just….sad). Hence, smart people make money, but do not save it, and so are not necessarily wealthy people.

According to Jay Zagorsky of Ohio State University, IQ can be correlated to earning potential, but not to wealth. That’s actually fascinating. An excerpt:

Zagorsky used these intelligence scores and compared them with financial data collected in 2004. For each IQ point, there was a rise in income of between $202 and $616 annually. (For example, a person with an IQ of 130 earns between $6,000 and $18,500 more per year than a peer of lesser intelligence.) But this higher yearly income did not translate into higher wealth. In fact, people with slightly above average intelligence (105 IQ score) had an average net worth higher than those just a bit smarter (110 IQ). “There are some very smart people who get into financial difficulties,” Zagorsky notes. “Even smart people don’t save.”

Aee! It’s all about saving, people. Not about IQ. But, of course, saving is pretty hard to do.

I found a copy of Natural Health magazine at the post office. It was in the donation pile, so I took it home to peruse. Finally, a magazine that didn’t make me feel like a freak for not wearing a watch! On the other hand, I failed the test below on time urgency:

Does time urgency impatience threaten your health?

Take this super-quick test to find out.

1. Do you often get very upset if you are forced to wait for something? Y/N

2. Do you usually feel pressured about time? Y/N

3. Do you feel you don’t have enough time at the end of the workday? Y/N

4. Do you feel you don’t have enough time during the day? Y/N

The more “yes” answers you have, the greater your TUI score and the higher your risk of developing hypertension.

Four “yes” answers = severe TUI

Three “yes” answers = moderate TUI

Two “yes” answers = mild TUI

One “yes” answer = low TUI Adapted from the questionnaire used by Lijing L. Yan, Ph.D., M.P.H., in the CARDIA study reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

Read the complete article here. And I’ll post more on time urgency later (when I’m not in a hurry…ha, ha).

Today, I drove to the Westside to visit with a client, drop off some books, and pick up some books relating to a different project. After parking in the delightful business park, I took a load of books inside.

Now I have never seen a receptionist at this particular client’s workplace, though there is a reception desk. So I stood at the empty reception desk with my books propped up. And I stood. And I stood some more, because I’m at least trained to be able to stand still and be mindful, if nothing else.

The reception desk looked out over a small sea of workers at computers, who were all assiduously avoiding eye contact with me, as well as avoiding talking to one another. So it was peaceful. Except that I wanted to put my books down.

Eventually I put the books down on a chair, went out and got more books, and took six trips back and forth between the car and the chair. No one spoke to me, so I eventually made myself at home on top of the books to wait for the client.

Now, having been a receptionist, I can tell you that it may not always be the most interesting job in the world, but it is an important one. You make people feel like they matter, like their time is valuable, and like they are waiting with a purpose. The receptionist is also a matter of security. We often think of our work stations as somewhat secure, as if someone could not just wander in off the street. Except, of course, in my story, I basically did wander in off the street, leave some packages, perch on them for a while…

Femminista and I are starting an on-line group to work through Julia Cameron’s book Vein of Gold together, and you are welcome to join.

The group is open to women and men who are interested in growing as artists and human beings. You don’t need to be a working artist to do it. I am, I think Femminista would say she’s not, though she’s extremely creative, especially in the domestic realm.

Vein of Gold builds upon The Artist’s Way, which I just finished, and which Femminista hasn’t done (so either approach is welcome in our group) because she heard Vein of Gold was better. Really. The premise of The Artist’s Way is that creativity is a gift from God. As you open yourself to your creativity, you open yourself to God. Unfortunately many of us are blocked. And when you’re blocked, it’s hard to be open to anything. I’m refraining from taking that metaphor further. The key is that spirituality is intertwined with creativity.

A number of positive things happened to me while working through The Artist’s Way, but here are the highlights:

1. I’ve begun to cook again, which I stopped approximately ten years ago when I entered graduate school. This has made all members of the household happy. Even the dog.

2. I’ve begun to write poetry, which I always considered the domain of my mother.

3. And sketch, which I haven’t done with any seriousness since 1992.

4. And I’m thinking of about the wild world of knitting.

5. My paid writing is also going well, and is invigorated. And my unpaid work is going superbly too.

In short, through following the Artist’s Way, I discovered creative aspects of myself that I hadn’t seen in decades. It was life-changing. *

So, if you would like to join the on-line group to work through Vein of Gold, you will need to visit our Vein of Gold blog for details. If you want to do it, buy the book, and send Femminista an email to be added to the group blog. To summarize:

Who: You?
What: A group blog to work through Julia Cameron’s Vein of Gold book
Where: Online, silly
When: Starting now, but we’re flexible since not everyone’s available now
Why: To experience God! Really.
How: Visit our group blog Vein of Gold and then send Femminista an email to be added (femministadellacasa AT gmail DOT com)

*You can read more about my experience with The Artist’s Way in terms of leaf prints, reading deprivation, pleasure at work, how not to raise an artist, and crazymakers.

Femminista and UUmomma nominated me in the Thinking Blog meme that we all seem to be playing. It has taken me a while to figure out how to respond. I’ve listed five blogs that I read regularly and find thought-provoking. Unfortunately, they aren’t the sort of blogs where people play memes, so I think I may be a dead-end in the meme game. I’m not too worried though.

Gawker is daily media news, including publishing, and is probably my only concession to pop culture.

Boing Boing: A Directory of Wonderful Things often has work-related gadgets and stories as well as bizarre stuff. It’s probably my concession to technology-related news.

Feministing represents Third Wave feminism in the best possible way. For example, a recent post points out conservatives obsession with fetuses but not children. Wouldn’t want to provide actual medical care for poor kids.

The Sartorialist takes photos of people on the street. I like the fact that these are normal well-dressed people with style, and not models.

Treehugger has a wide range of posts on environmental topics, but does seem a bit obsessed with why you should avoid sex toys (because they contain phthalates). Like that’s going to keep people away from sex toys.

Dear Miss Theologian,

–Dreading Dinner Tonight

Dear Dreading Dinner,

If you’re a member of Generation X, this is an absolutely classic conflict between parents who think the system works and rewards the hard work and children who thinks the system turns you into a zombie, and then lays you off.

If you’re part of Generation Y, you might secretly long for a job that has a lot in common with your parents (stability, benefits, even some monotony), but you want it in a hipper industry.

Ms. Theologian realizes that telling you that you share a classic conflict is of no help to you, except that she’s trying to understand your motivation for continuously eating with people who criticize an important life choice. Is it because you think secretly agree with your parents? Hmm. In any case, Ms. Theologian will present two questions:

a. Why not have Sunday dinner with your girlfriend who seems to like you and your job rather than your parents who don’t?

b. How do you currently respond to the criticisms?

As far as b goes, it seems to me that what you need is one of those great sentences that Ms. Manners or Dear Ann or Dear Abby seem to have at their fingers tips, like, “Gee, Mom and Dad, I know the pay isn’t great, and that I went to college, and gosh darn it, I enjoy my work!” or “Golly, Mom, and Dad, I know that you didn’t say that intentionally to hurt me, but your criticism of my job stings!” or even “Pass the potatoes,” which can be useful if your strategy is just to ignore them.

You’re welcome for dinner at my house, but try your girlfriend first,

Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you’d like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

Would you eat a cookie that already had a bite out of it?

That would depend on a. who took the bite and b. how much Ms. Theologian wanted the cookie.

That particular question is one of the stupid slogans from President Bush’s Abstinence Only program, which apparently targets people who only sleep with virgins.

Ms. Theologian didn’t mention that the program was a billion dollar failure, as a study demonstrated this week, but she might as well. Abstinence Only education doesn’t work. A billion dollars worth of condom demonstrations would have done a hell of a lot more to curb the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and decrease teen pregnancy rates. But we prefer our phallic demonstrations to involve guns. Pow, pow.

This week, we had more shootings at work, both at VT and NASA. And after the shooting at VT, you might shake your head and thank god your workplace doesn’t have homicidal college students running around. But then there’s NASA, where someone got a bad review, and decided to murder someone over it. So, if you haven’t had a chat at your workplace (whether it’s a church, school, office, grocery store, or brothel) about what you would do if someone came in with a gun, you need to start thinking about training. Again, according to the CDC, 20 workers are murdered each week at work, and 18,000 are victims of violent assaults at work. Neither figure is a typo.

In fact, last week, at our local Greek restaurant, we were talking to the owner about how her husband was assaulted by another business owner in the strip mall over parking. Yes, parking. In a strip mall. Workplace violence is everywhere.

So Ms. Theologian wonders what would happen if we applied our Abstinence Only strategies to violence rather than pre-marital sex.

Other events on Surviving the Workday? Three people wrote to Ms. Theologian, who told them to quit doing something: interning, assisting, and feeling guilty over downtime. There are actually more letters from people who need to quit doing something in Ms. Theologian’s mailbag, but she has her morning rituals to attend to.

Femminista and UUmomma nominated Ms. Theologian for Thinking Blogs, but she can’t seem to list other people without seeming like she’s picking favorites, so she’s deliberating.

Dear Ms Theologian

-Guilty at Starbucks

Dear Guilty,

There is a good reason that people don’t ask Ms. Theologian parenting questions. But let’s address this from a spirituality and the workplace point of view.

One of the best things Ms. Theologian was able to do in college was nothing. She did nothing a lot. Sometimes in Communist bookstore/cafes, sometimes on her bed. She just sat and thought. Not really about anything. Ms. Theologian tends to take this time in the early mornings now, and outside. She mentions this because before college, Ms. Theologian didn’t actually know that she was allowed to do nothing. She thought she always had to do something. This was incorrect.

This nothing time is called downtime. It is really important. And no one will tell you to take it for yourself, because our society tends to praise go, go, going. When you do nothing, people tend to call you names (slacker, loser, selfish, bad parent, unemployed…). You aren’t any of those things. You are taking care of yourself.

You sound as if you may be depleted, and are being given the opportunity to recharge and self-nurture. So Ms. Theologian is totally fine with you sitting in Starbucks for an hour, walking in the park, sitting on a bench, or going to a spa for a mini-massage. If your guilt precludes this, you might make a deal that you pick up your daughter an hour early two days a week, but the other time is yours. (This is assuming your day care situation is clean, safe, friendly, and flexible. But really Ms. Theolgoian is not answering this from a parenting point of view.)

Julia Cameron believes that artists need this down time (and she believes that all of us are artists, some of us are just more blocked than others):

An artist must have downtime, time to do nothing. Defending our right to such time takes courage, conviction, and resiliency. Such time, space, and quiet will strike our family as withdrawal from them. It is.

For an artist, withdrawal is necessary. Without it, the artist in us feels vexed, angry, out of sorts. If such deprivation continues, our artist becomes sullen, depressed, hostile. We eventually became like cornered animals, snarling at our family and friends to leave us alone and stop making unreasonable demands.

We are the ones making unreasonable demands. We expect our artist to be able to function without giving it what it needs to do so. An artist requires the upkeep of creative solitude. An artist requires the healing of time alone. Without this period of recharging, our artist becomes depleted. (Cameron, pp. 96-97)

So with both Ms. Theologian and Ms. Cameron behind you, to Starbucks you go!

–Ms. Theologian

so it’s time for a quiz.

Take the Spiritual Food Quiz.

Post your score. I got 3 out of 10, but got the Islam questions right…so that’s something?

Given the last two posts, I thought this article was especially relevant:

Five Signs It’s Time to Look for a New Job

For whatever reason, often we stay in jobs that don’t make us happy. Maybe it’s because they feel safe. Maybe it’s because we like our coworkers. Maybe it’s because we earn a lot. Maybe it’s because we’re scared. Sure, our soul is slowly withering, but it barely hurts at all….

Dear Ms. Theologian,

-Someone’s Assistant (but not an intern!)

Dear Assistant:

You too should quit.

Again, interning and assisting are great ways to learn a business. However, if this is not what you want to do permanently, you should apply for other jobs after a certain point. How do you find that point? Feh. It varies.

Some professions reward loyalty and staying with the company for fifty years until a Gold Watch Party in which you are celebrated. But most workplaces behave more like pirate ships. In order to get ahead you often have to join another crew or you’ll be walking the plank. For the record, Ms. Theologian is aware that this is an extraordinarily weak metaphor, but she liked the clip art and she thinks that truthfully piracy and corporations share some management practices.

If you have been promised promotions that haven’t materialized, your work is excellent, and you’ve discussed your strengths and needs with your boss during a formal (or informal) review, three years seems long enough to perfect assisting. Ms. Theologian knows someone who was an agent’s assistant for eight years, waiting for his big break, until he was “let go” in favor of the newer model. And his boss seemed to feel not one whit of guilt about it. Be forewarned.

–Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you would like to write to Ms. Theologian, please send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.