16th Mar 2007
Ms. Theologian has hard choices to make
Dear Ms. Theologian,
I have found myself in a position where I need to make a difficult decision about someone else. No matter what I decide to do, the outcome is not good. I am teetering and tottering in indecisiveness and am so consumed by my crappy options that I’ve been physically ill. When you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, how do you make peace with your decision?
Signed,
Unsettled Downunder
Dear Unsettled:
Sometimes Ms. Theologian thinks we were all shortchanged by our societal education on morals that led us to believe that there was always a “right” and “wrong.” Those are actually the easier choices. Often there is an “okay” or a “less okay.” Or just “not okay” and “not okay” as options.
What does Ms. Theologian do when she has two “not okay” options to choose from and can’t find a third option anywhere? She prays, she meditates. But, of course, she does that anyway, though not as often, her husband notes, as she might like you to believe.
When something is painful, she finds that Tonglen meditation helps more than anything else. It is counter intuitive to breathe in pain, but breathing it in is really the only way to accept your own suffering, the suffering of others, and, eventually, turn it into light. Ms. Theologian thinks the anxiety you are experiencing, including the physical symptoms, are actually a sign of avoiding suffering in your choices, which you can’t do for too much longer. Avoiding pain actually can cause more pain. Yes, Ms. Theologian did go Buddhist on you. It happens.
-Ms. Theologian
P.S. If you would like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.
