28th Feb 2007
Monitoring the Messages we Give Ourselves.
So as part of cognitive restructuring, I carried around a little Moleskine journal and wrote down the thoughts as they came to me so that I could hear my internal monologue. Clearly these were not the only thoughts I had (see below), but these were the ones that I seemed to hear over and over. Here’s a sample that I’ve grouped by theme:
On Time
I don’t have enough time.
I’m falling behind
I must work faster.
Why am I so slow?
On Errors
What if I make a mistake?
Oh, god, there’s a mistake!
I screwed up.
Now I screwed up again.
What would happen if I hadn’t caught that mistake?!
I’d have to have one of those awkward conversations.
Oh my god they’re going to fire me.
On interruptions
Oh, no! More email!
Oh the phone!
Oh the fax! *&%
Am I under siege by electronic devices?
So now I’m going to do what Alice Domar suggests in Self-Nurture: Learning to Care for Yourself As Effectively As You Care for Everyone Elseand choose one theme and describe it in a sentence. In the On Errors theme, I seemed to be afraid that making a mistake would lead to others being disappointed, being fired, and then not being able to pay bills, mortgage, hair cuts, which obviously would be the end of the world as we know it with the exception of cockroaches, who would obviously survive because they can make as many mistakes as they like….
Now, here are four questions to answer about the negative thought pattern.
1. Does this thought contribute to my stress? Yes. A wee bit.
2. Where did I learn this thought? Possibly in ten years as an editor, in which errors are regarded as great signs of human weakness. But, if in doubt, I could blame my parents, who are pretty critical (and, if they read this, I think they can live with that assessment).
3. Is this a logical thought? It’s a bit exaggerated.
4. Is it a true thought? The world will probably not end if I make a mistake. 
Now I’m supposed to restructure the thought. So perhaps it’s: Making a mistake is not the end of the world.
I hope we’ve all learned something and I haven’t really exposed myself so that random boys from high school find this and know that all they have to do is poke find errors in my speech at the next reunion to have me collapse in tears.
