Dear Ms. Theologian:
A plague is sweeping the nation—the master cleanse! All of the people I work with are doing it, and, frankly, spending the day in the bathroom. I know you said not to monitor people’s bathroom habits at work (editorial note: here), but this is ridiculous. Whenever I need something, that person is in the bathroom.

–Sticking to Solids

Dear Sticking to Solids:

Was there a question? Because in lieu of a question, you’re getting Ms. Theologian’s reflections on the master cleanse, a diet consisting of a beverage made from lemons, maple sugar, and cayenne pepper.

Yes, Ms. Theologian has worked with a few people “cleansing” in the workplace. Like most people caught up in trends in cleaning (e.g., Ms. Theologian and Mr. Clean Eraser sponge), these folks can be downright evangelical when it comes to cleaning — even the internal kind.

Let’s explore the concept of “cleansing” for a minute. First, there’s the notion of the “cleanse,” an act of purification. From 70 million Hindus in the Ganges during Ardh Kumbh Mela to the Crow and the sweatlodge to Muslims fasting during Ramadan, cleansing rituals are almost an intrinsic part of being human. Ancient Greeks, Romans, and Persians did it too. Even the language of the modern day spa around “removing impurities” sounds religious to Ms. Theologian.

Why are people so intent on cleansing themselves? Ms. Theologian reflects back to her own summer of many sweats in the sweatlodge by that gurgling mountain stream. Why was she there steaming herself to 200 degrees with overheated granite, water, and sage? It’s coming to her. Wait, wait. Oh, that’s right. To atone for abject debauchery. Ahem.

Not everyone cleanses for the same reasons, but it does seem to Ms. Theologian that being human is very hard, and, despite trying hard to be good, ethical, and righteous (in the best possible sense), we spend a lot of time being…well…not so good. And cleansing is the physical manifestation of the need to cleanse our minds, our souls, ourselves internally. And, well, the master cleanse is a true internal cleanse.

So cleansing is important theologically, and, interestingly, is almost always used as preparation (for prayer) or recovery (from the world). And it seems to Ms. Theologian that the workplace is not an improper place to prepare for prayer or for recovery. So, yes, stop monitoring other people’s bathroom habits. Perhaps you could use a nice hot shower.

Cleanly,

-Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you’d like to query Ms. Theologian on a workplace issue, write to her at ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

P.P.S. Art from Hscripts.