What I do not know about beauty products fills books and possibly entire libraries. However, I have noticed that many people act the same way around their skin as they do around church: zealous.

“Oh, you have to try this skin cream (or Jesus)!”

“My God, you haven’t been exfoliating (or to confession in six months)?!”

“But what about sunscreen (your children that are doomed to eternal damnation because you don’t go to church)?!?

People are very religious about skin, particularly women. So on Friday, when I had my first facial, I was apprehensive (frightened, even). But the other option was a massage, and I knew that would involve nakedness, which I try to avoid in states other than my own.

Unfortunately for me, the facial involved disrobing (Friends, shouldn’t you have warned me?), because apparently the word “spa” actually means “must be naked.”

The facial involved a lot of steam, hot towels, and a tool called the “extractor.” A photo is provided for the uninitiated. After those steps, there were proclamations to be made to my toweled face, “You’re skin is incredibly dry” and “Your pores are clogged.”

I considered arguing with the esthetician with statements like, “I just got off the plane!” and “I live in a desert” but naked and under a steaming towel isn’t the best position for debate.

So, now, I’ve thought far more about my pores than I should have in the past 48 hours. For example, once you unclog pores, don’t you re-clog them by applying moisturizer?

The Cosmetics Restriction Diet affirms much of this: most cosmetics products are the same, but packaged differently. And you need two products: cleanser with a face cloth and sunscreen. Maybe moisturizer, if you live in the desert.