Surviving the Workday

This sounds so dumb, but I’m ashamed to admit I just can’t eat breakfast on my own. I know breakfast is “the most important meal of the day.” I do know this. I just can’t do it.

If say someone brings me a big muffin and a cup of tea, I’ll eat it. If I have a breakfast meeting at a restaurant, I’ll order an omelet and be quite satisfied. If I’m visiting friends, and someone slices a grapefruit, I’ll gladly partake. If it’s Sunday and I’ve driven into town to get the New York Times, I might stop off for bagels and again be thrilled to bring them home to the fam (Note: This bagel story has never actually happened. It’s a complete fantasy on my part. But doesn’t it sound nice? The NYT and bagels? Mmm. How precious of me.)

The truth is I just can’t eat breakfast. I’m not hungry when I get up. I get involved in work and then forget to eat. And it all seems to take so much effort. The cereal box. The soy milk. The yogurt. It’s all I can do to feed the dog, who has no such issues with eating in the morning. She’s hungry–she gets her meal. End of story.

So I was so pleased to see How to Feel Like Eating Breakfast, because don’t manage to eat until 11 a.m., at which case I’m hungrily eyeing a coworker.

But, of course, this absence of food for roughly 17 hours overnight since dinner affects my work, as I turn into a crazy person.

So I’m going to try to eat breakfast. That’s all anyone can do.

This is your mid-week reminder to vote in the UU Blog awards. You can vote here. You can see the on-going results here. You can become compulsively addicted to checking if anything has changed here.

It looks like my early lead in a couple categories completely disappeared. It’s sort of a strange process for me since I’m fiercely competitive, yet hate competition, and would rather just hold hands and sing kumbaya or go out for drinks or have a potluck. So, as with most things, I’m entirely conflicted at both an intellectual and emotional level.

It looks like PeaceBang and her two blogs are literally blowing everyone out of the water, which is actually a nice feeling, because they’re great blogs. The writing is excellent, the thoughts are complex, but clearly explained, and she seems like she would hold my hand (to sing kumbaya, or have a drink or potluck). And I should mention that PeaceBang’s Beauty Tips for Ministers is the reason I’m fully dressed at the moment.

Jess’s Journal continually provides a source of inspiration to me to keep any dialogue about work real and cut out the bullshit. Hence my post on the No Asshole Rule this morning.

Dan Harper’s Yet Another Unitarian Universalist regularly encourages me to dig deeper theologically as he does in his essays and musings.

Colleen Keating’s Arbitrary Marks is a lively discussion both of the big topics in ethics and in pop culture. She has a fun little competition with Making Chutney, another enjoyable read about workplace types of challenges.

ChaliceChick at the ChaliceBlog seems to me to be one of the archetype of UU-related sites, and you’ll enjoy the discussion about a screaming child on a plane. At least, I did. Another archetype? Philocrites. And he was the first person to affiliate me with the UUs via his guide to UU blogs. I’ve spent far too long looking at that photo of Boston on his blog and trying to orient myself in terms of the Houghton Mifflin building…..

The Journey chronicles Lizard Eater’s struggles and triumphs with her child’s cancer and calling to the ministry.

And then I’ve discovered some blogs that are new to me like Never Say Never To Your Traveling Self, Dame Olympia, and Ms. Kitty’s Saloon and Roadshow. How thrilled am I to find more to read! Very.

What a pleasure to read so much (mostly) liberal religious writing about things that matter. And, of course, there are many, many more blogs, available here at UUpdates. I would list more, but I feel the need to acrue billable hours.

Thanks to UUpdates for hosting the competition and the running the news aggregator.

I think my tolerance for working with so-called “assholes” has diminished as I age. I don’t have a lot of compassion for them. I don’t want to help them. I don’t want to rehabilitate them. I just want to stay away from them. So I was thrilled to see my personally held beliefs affirmed by Robert Sutton, professor of management science and engineering at Stanford.

Sutton, author of The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t was interviewed about his work, and about assholes, in Inc. Magazine. According to Sutton, the definition of an “asshole” follows two standards 1. someone who consistently leaves people feeling demeaned and belittled and 2. someone who targets people with less power.

Have you worked with someone like that? I certainly have. And I refuse to anymore. Like Sutton suggests, I screen potential clients for that sort of behavior because it’s extremely taxing to me. That sort of person demands a lot of attention (in person, on the phone, via email) and often gives very little reward.

Most interesting to me was these folks actually take a serious financial toll. In the Inc. interview, Sutton details how a “rainmaker” at a Silicon Valley company had his costs calculated by HR for all of his extra services (including anger management and sexual harrassment training) and demands (mostly over benefits issues) at $160,000.

Can you imagine that? So apart from the psychic toll, there’s a good reason to stay away from these folks.

Resources here include Sutton’s blog, Inc. Magazine, and Sutton’s book.

Dear Ms. Theologian,

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Dear Breaking Up:

Ms. Theologian feels for you. She really does. She doesn’t like breaking up and she finds that managing “growing apart” is just as painful.

However, you know that you should not work with this woman in a creative capacity because

a. it is personally destructive to spend time with people who lie about you and your opinions;
b. “like attracts like” in business (so you will attract more unpleasant work with her or with others who like her); and
c. tyrannical bitches should not be rewarded with your cooperation.

You say that you’ve had a blunt talk with her. So now the problem is how exactly to break up with her. The quick way (in which you detail how horribly talentless she is so that she never speaks to you again)? Or the long way (in which you politely say no over and over again)?

Ms. Theologian knows the appeal of the detailed confrontation with her horribly talentless self. She knows you want to—but don’t, not just because she won’t hear you in the first place, but because it’s unworthy of yourself. And, god help us all, a detailed talk may create a monster who tries to destroy every other professional relationship that you have (see illustration of ferocious feline—no, I’m not saying women are catty, but picture this cat saying, “Vengeance shall be mine!”).

Now for the theological aspects of your question: Shouldn’t you forgive her for being gawdawful? No. She did not apologize. Forgiveness would be misplaced. Should you accept that she’s gawdawful in a creative capacity? Yes. You’ve seen the evidence, so to do any less would be naive. Should you resist the temptation to work with her again in a creative capacity? Absolutely, ma chere.

Your question is how do you keep a neat split rather than succumbing to a messy divorce?

You don’t work with her. You “manage” the break up. You just keep saying no. And, eventually, you will grow apart.

It has to be done,

-Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you want to query Ms. Theologian about a workplace issue, shoot her an email at ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

I think I’m ready to develop some actual policy based on case histories of religious beliefs in the workplace:

1. Cab drivers who won’t pick up passengers with alcohol (or dogs)

2. Pharmacists who won’t fill EC for customers

3. A medical supervisor who wouldn’t prescribe EC to rape victims

Here is my suggestion for integration of your religious beliefs in the workplace. Yes, honor your religious beliefs at work, but if your beliefs prevent you from doing part of your job, you are M O R A L L Y R E Q U I R E D to find someone else who will perform the task for you.

This means that cab drivers must refer the customers to another cab who will transport them, the pharmacist must refer the customer to another pharmacist in house who will fill the prescription, and the medical supervisor must refer the victim to someone else who will dispense the EC.

And, if you find that much of your job consists of tasks that you believe are forbidden by your religious beliefs, then you need to find a new job.

Horrible story of rape victim jailed and EC withheld via Feministing via Feminists to the Rescue

Dear Ms. Theologian:
A plague is sweeping the nation—the master cleanse! All of the people I work with are doing it, and, frankly, spending the day in the bathroom. I know you said not to monitor people’s bathroom habits at work (editorial note: here), but this is ridiculous. Whenever I need something, that person is in the bathroom.

–Sticking to Solids

Dear Sticking to Solids:

Was there a question? Because in lieu of a question, you’re getting Ms. Theologian’s reflections on the master cleanse, a diet consisting of a beverage made from lemons, maple sugar, and cayenne pepper.

Yes, Ms. Theologian has worked with a few people “cleansing” in the workplace. Like most people caught up in trends in cleaning (e.g., Ms. Theologian and Mr. Clean Eraser sponge), these folks can be downright evangelical when it comes to cleaning — even the internal kind.

Let’s explore the concept of “cleansing” for a minute. First, there’s the notion of the “cleanse,” an act of purification. From 70 million Hindus in the Ganges during Ardh Kumbh Mela to the Crow and the sweatlodge to Muslims fasting during Ramadan, cleansing rituals are almost an intrinsic part of being human. Ancient Greeks, Romans, and Persians did it too. Even the language of the modern day spa around “removing impurities” sounds religious to Ms. Theologian.

Why are people so intent on cleansing themselves? Ms. Theologian reflects back to her own summer of many sweats in the sweatlodge by that gurgling mountain stream. Why was she there steaming herself to 200 degrees with overheated granite, water, and sage? It’s coming to her. Wait, wait. Oh, that’s right. To atone for abject debauchery. Ahem.

Not everyone cleanses for the same reasons, but it does seem to Ms. Theologian that being human is very hard, and, despite trying hard to be good, ethical, and righteous (in the best possible sense), we spend a lot of time being…well…not so good. And cleansing is the physical manifestation of the need to cleanse our minds, our souls, ourselves internally. And, well, the master cleanse is a true internal cleanse.

So cleansing is important theologically, and, interestingly, is almost always used as preparation (for prayer) or recovery (from the world). And it seems to Ms. Theologian that the workplace is not an improper place to prepare for prayer or for recovery. So, yes, stop monitoring other people’s bathroom habits. Perhaps you could use a nice hot shower.

Cleanly,

-Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you’d like to query Ms. Theologian on a workplace issue, write to her at ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

P.P.S. Art from Hscripts.

In Marketers Pursue the Shallow-Pocketed, we learn that McCann World Group believes that low-income people in the third world actually have lives. Yes, actual lives. The better to market to them.

The income is low, but they are still eating and bathing, and some cases driving. They are still consuming. They have a life.

That’s really progressive to acknowledge that people with low incomes have lives. Gosh, how insightful. I bet they have hopes and dreams too and they aren’t about the best type of shampoo or baby formula.

And note how consuming is equated with living. You consume, therefore you matter.

This is why I don’t read the Wall Street Journal on a regular basis. Because I might have go throw up now.

I’m a fan of anger. Not that I’m comfortable with it. But I do get it.

The tricky thing for me with anger is that often when I’m angry, I feel like I’m a little kid flailing my arms around, not hitting anyone except, perhaps, myself. It’s hard for me to direct anger at the appropriate target, and its hard for me to be lucid when I’m furious.

And that’s what makes me embrace Julianna Baggott’s response to Esquire’s The Napkin Project, in which writers are solicited with napkins and the promise of a few bucks and a tumbler to write some prose. Julianna’s response is angry, it’s appropriately-directed, and it’s extremely lucid. Read it here.

My favorite line? “…I’ve been REDUCED + REDUCED + now you ask me to fit on a cocktail napkin?”

Fact or fiction? I don’t care. I like the anger. I even like that Esquire published it, which seems to acknowledge the anger in some way.

I like, I like, I like. Perhaps a bit too much for my own good.

You can vote for your favorite Unitarian Universalist blog here. I’m nominated (and grateful to be nominated) in these catgories:

You can only vote once, so fill out the form completely before you submit it.

GhostGirl raised the issue of whether or not one could vote in a UU Blog competition if, say, one only read one UU Blog. And Dan Harper raised a similar issue in his post, I’m Not Qualified because he hadn’t read all the UU Blogs.

Some folks have pointed out that no one is really qualified in that sense since no one reads all the UU Blogs. And, of course, this isn’t The Academy (though one might argue they aren’t qualified either…that seems like more of an LA Times article) and this isn’t so much a “competition” as it is publicity to raise the readership for all UU blogs. So, you don’t have to have done all the research to vote, but you certainly could click around and read to your heart’s full of UU-goodness.

We could also discuss if you feel it’s morally questionable to vote if you’re not a UU. But, of course, you don’t have to be a UU to read a UU Blog in the first place. I read a bunch of knitting blogs and I’m not a knitter. I read domestic activism blogs, and I’m hardly domestically active. I barely move. I read gadget blogs, and I don’t buy gadgets. I read Gay Spirituality and I’m not gay. Oh, I could go on and on…. So would I vote for one of those blogs in their respective competitions? Yup. I would vote. Just once though.

This week, we discussed a number of ways to integrate spirituality into your work life, issues confronting workers, and businesses that address the needs of the greater world around us as well as the needs of the individual for satisfying work.

Before commuting, you might say a short prayer. You might also pray that Los Angeles’s transportation chief comes to his senses and stops commuting in his hummer.

And you saw a creative application of public commuting time involving the collection of photographs of fabric samples from public transportation. This photo is part of a lovely montage of said fabrics.

You might try to create a space for retreat at work so that you can relax and regroup. You may have more difficulty when you work at home, though readers have told me the bathroom works (hint: lock the door).

You learned about presenteeism (the opposite of absenteeism), a practice that is encouraged in business despite costing 180 billion dollars a year in lost productivity. You learned about how a supposed lack of empathy on the part of doctors results in lower doses of chemo given to poor and less educated breast cancer patients.

You learned about Pintsize Projects (a business that sells vintage style do it yourself kits from recycled materials), a proposed green brewery (that will make green beer in a green building), and Lovecraft (a business that will transform your vehicle into one that can use biodiesel fuels).

Ms. Theologian saw fit to comment on tattling and squabbling as well as pregnancy.

And then there a post on altruism at work, which seems to have been largely ignored….no doubt because y’all are altruisic already.

I met Beth Krumholz three years ago when we worked for an arts nonprofit in Los Angeles. She was developing Pintsize projects in her spare time in between facilitating arts-integration in classrooms in Los Angeles Unified schools.

Now a full-time “cottage business,” Beth runs Pintsize Projects, which sells vintage style do-it-yourself craft kits of felt pillows and clothespin dolls for kids from 5 to 105. These kits are ideal for parents to make with their children and are convenient for many of us who are not inclined toward sewing and crafts-projects because they come with all of the materials that you need and easy-to-follow instructions. An added benefit? Most of the materials are recycled.

Here is part of my interview with Beth:

How did you get the idea for Pintsize Projects?

I was an art educator and, when I did workshops for families at museums and in outreach programs, parents starting asking me for things their kids could do at home. So, I started putting the kits together and giving them away. The first time I delivered a kit to a child–a young girl–I remember I left it on the porch–I really liked this family–the parents were really cool and their kids were magical–anyway–I felt my spirits lift–like it felt so good to do that for her. That little girl really inspired me. I gave her all the materials in a box to make a miniature environment–she made it with changing background scenes–like in a play. She called me later to thank me.

Where do you get the materials for Pintsize?

Without knowing it, I have been collecting recycled materials for Pintsize Projects for many years–and–quite honestly–so has my mother. I grew up in a house of ongoing art projects–we saved everything in case we could use it later for something–like the little plastic tubes that cut flowers come in or the tops off a milk carton. I really like to show kids that anything can be made from anything. There is a seamstress I know who gives me fabric scraps and wine collectors have given me corks and an antique hardware shop that gives me just about everything. I also buy materials and supplies from unusual resources for hard to find things so the kits have really good quality glue and things like that.

Where do you hope Pintsize is in five years?

I hope to do well enough that one day I can do charitable things with Pintsize, like give the kits away to schools and children’s hospitals.

Visit Pintsize Projects to learn more about the felt pillow kit or the clothespin doll kit, do-it-yourself kits in a vintage style.

According to World Changing, “Craft is radical, craft is earthchanging, and craft has been with us all along” (This is my favorite new quote that I found via Femminista della Casa.)

Why not support a craft-based business and have some fun with your kids (or your inner kid)?

From Yes! Magazine’s 7 Ways to Break Free of the Corporate Economy:

1. Reduce Debt

2. Do It Yourself

3. Share and Exchange

4. Reduce Waste and Pollution

5. Buy Local

6. Start a New Local Business

7. Buy Fair-Trade, when you buy imports

Read Independence from the Global Corporate Economy.

Wonderful painting of the ultimate in Breaking Free of the Corporate Economy by Kate Kretz, titled “Blessed Art Thou” and found via Boing Boing

If you work at home alone and are seeking community other than the plant on your desk (but, hey, nothing wrong with that), you might be interested in coworking, which involves sharing space with others, usually other folks who are self-employed, often writers, but also programmers, designers, and the like.

I do hear the refrain of loneliness and alienation fairly often from people who telecommute all the time or have their own businesses and do not get enough adult work-related contact.

The Office in Santa Monica is a classic example of a coworking space. It’s a workspace for writers in which you can rent a workspace, which includes wi-fi access, Bose headphones, coffee, tea, etc. You can read one analysis here of the experience.

If you’re interested, you might join a discussion group on google or find other interested coworkers in your area.

You might want to skip buying alcohol at the duty free shop at the Minneapolis airport.

As a person who has her own business, I choose the people with whom I do business. So I’m a little surprised by this article, Muslim cabbies refuse to carry people with alcohol in their taxis, and the supposed controversy.

This seems to me to be a classic case of choosing to do business with some people and not with others. Some Somali Muslim cab drivers consider it a sin to carry people who have purchased alcohol, so they avoid passengers with alcohol (I assume they avoid people with large boxes that say DUTY FREE LIQUOR on them, but perhaps I’m assuming too much).

But, of course, nothing is that simple because 75% of the cab drivers are Somali Muslim, and so it may be difficult to buy a cab if you have alcohol. Now, I could make a note here about our obsession with alcohol (and with cheap alcohol), and that maybe people who bought alcohol should just wait for a taxi, but, wait, there’s more.

If you use a dog, you also won’t get a ride from the same 75% of cab drivers at the Minneapolis airport because dogs are considered unclean (and in the case of my own dog, that is resoundingly true). Now this is a violation of federal law, the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Some conservative organizations are alarmed about this as well as the Free Muslim Coalition and some of these folks are throwing around the word, “islamofascism,” which apparently means “people who want their personal beliefs to be in concurrence with their work lives.”

We’ve all known a coworker who shows up for work sick with a wretched cough that seems to send germs our way. In fact, we might have been that coworker. This phenomenon is called “presenteeism” and is the opposite of “absenteeism.”

Why show up sick? A recent survey suggests that many of us think we have too much work to do or don’t think anyone will cover for us adequately. Some of us worry that with cutbacks, we may be seen as dispensable if we miss a day. And, of course, there’s the fact that 47 percent of the private sector workforce has no sick days.

Presenteeism costs businesses 180 billion a year in lost productivity, but, is often encouraged by employers, who give rewards for perfect attendance (perhaps a holdover from elementary school).

Read more about how presenteeism afflicts business.

If you work at a college or university (or if you went to a college or university), you may be interested in checking out Sustainablog for a link to ratings for sustainability on college campuses.

A hundred institutions were selected by the size of their endowments and given grades in different categories including administration, food and recycling, green building, climate change & energy, shareholder engagement, investment priorities, and endowment transparency.

Overall, Darthmouth, Harvard, Williams and Stanford did pretty well and each received an A-. I see Wesleyan received a C+. What a coincidence! That’s the same grade I received in Mineralogy at Wesleyan….

Dear Ms. Theologian,

Not a parent, why am I dealing with 4 year olds?

Dear Not a Parent:

I think there are two questions here:

Question 1: Is it your role as a manager to get involved in squabbles on your team?

Question 2: If so, what should you do?

So, in response to Question 1, if the “squabble” is affecting the team over the long-term, then as the manager you need to do something. It’s your responsibility.

As far as Question 2 goes, the basis of any good relationship is…anyone? anyone? Yes, that’s right–respect. And C and T aren’t showing each other a lot of respect as coworkers and human beings.

Let’s assume you are already engaging in daily practices that foster good team behavior by modeling respect of others. If that’s the case, you have a bunch of choices here, which are discussed in detail here. Ms. Theologian would confront the issue head on, but individually. Because to Ms. Theologian, it sounds less like they are squabblin’ with each other than that they are complainin’ and tattlin’ about each other, but it doesn’t particularly matter, the effect on the team is still detrimental. So, yes, have that conversation you don’t want to have.

Did you see that I’m not at my desk? Because now I came to work late too….

-Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you’d like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

I’ve long heard this refrain from people who undertip wait staff, baristas, and valets. It always occurs when the bill arrives and they throw a few bucks down and mumble, “You know, they make great tips…so I don’t have to tip so well!” or when the drink arrives, and then they walk off leaving the bartender/barista tip-less.

And the worse the job—the valet who parks cars in subzero weather, the bartender who works until 2 in the morning and then doubles as the bouncer to kick out the last customers, the barista who has to make a coffee drink with seven additional conditions (mocha, lite soy milk, no whip, shaken not stirred)—the more likely customers are to think that the tips must be spectacularly good, because why else wold anyone do that job….

But I’ve known quite a few people who were wait staff, baristas, and valets. Most of them lived at the poverty level, if they lived on their own, and did a bit better if they lived with their parents. The Rule is not that wait staff are getting rich on your tip. Consider the tip part of their wage, as Ehrenreich does.

With that said, I can mention this silly chain in Washington, women, nicknamed “cowgirls” will sell you coffee in their underwear. At minimum wage. Nice.

Dear Ms Theologian,

-Can’t wait for my turn

Dear Can’t Wait:

We can certainly talk about pregnancy.

We can also talk about compasion.

So, here is what I read in your letter: you are frustrated.

Here is what I want to say to you: There are ups and downs throughout our work lives and they may be associated with disease and health, love and hate, fertility and inferility, marriage and divorce, domestic violence and kind touches, good stress and not so helpful stress, and pregnancy.

We all want to work in a place where people manage us with compassion. We also want to be reminded of boundaries and structure. This means letting us know when we’re wrong, when we need more training, and when we need to refer to guidelines. This doesn’t mean monitoring our pee breaks, however, and yes, I’ve had a friend (a MAN) have his bathroom habits monitored.

I’ve queried a Trifecta of Pregnancy and they remind me that your colleague may also be anxious about maternity leave, about who will do her work when she’s gone, about whether or not they will screw it up and call her at home or just leave it for a big mess to untangle later. Your coworker may also have questions about benefits and day care. You may be able to help with some of this, which may alleviate some of her anxiety.

And, as a manager, you should probably read the Facts About Pregnancy Discrimination.

With compassion,

Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you’d like to write to Ms. Theologian, please send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

We’ve talked about the rigors of commuting by car and suggested tips to get you there safely and sane. Adopting an alternative schedule seems to help as well as not commuting at all. If those are impractical suggestions, prayer and deep breathing seem to decrease the anxiety of being in a car for a lengthy period of time.

Public transportation poses different challenges for the commuter. Sharing your space with others as well as abiding by the dicates of the transportation system present daily challenges to those of us who only wish to be left alone with our morning mocha to arrive in a timely fashion with our literary fiction in tow.

Some have found a way to make the time pass more smoothly. Flickr user Ludd has created a montage of the fabrics of public transportation.

See more of the panoply of public transporation patterns* called “glorious” by Boing Boing. Scroll over each to see the location of the fabric.

*Yes, this post is mostly an excuse to use the word panoply.

Boing boing via monochrom

I’ve written about the need to have someone care about you at work (and the need to care for others), but this study also illustrates the need of those in the helping professions to relate well to their patients or clients in order to do their jobs well.

In a study at the University of Michigan Comprehensive Cancer Center, published in the Journal of Oncology, we see that poorer women, women with less education, and obese women received lower doses of chemotherapy than those women who were closer in wealth and education (and weight, I assume) to their doctors.