A Happy Birthday to Myfanwy Collins!

Now if you’re like me and you’re so forgetful that you forget your own mother’s birthday on a regular basis (hence that tattoo), you might not be prepared for Myfanwy’s birthday. But fear not. For several weeks, I’ve been saving photos of these luscious gifts. I can’t imagine a better gift. Wait, clothes, wine, chocolate. Never mind. I can, in fact, imagine far better gifts. But these will have to do.

Yes, it’s Diwali Barbie. Toys R Us says: The most important and magical festival celebrated in India is Diwali. Homes are decorated with marigolds and mango leaves, thousands of oil diyas or lamps are lit as auspicious symbols of good luck, and everyone enjoys sweets to the sound of firecrackers and revelers. Diwali Barbie doll wears a traditional teal sari with golden detailing, a lovely pink shawl wrap, and exotic jewelry. The final detail is a bindi on the forehead - a jewel or a mark worn by Hindu women to indicate that they are married. Doll cannot stand alone.

Did you read that? Doll cannot stand alone. Of course not! We wouldn’t want her to be self-supporting! And as One Brown Woman says, “But this is to diversify for all the brown children who need a Barbie to look up to!” Just to clarify: she’s kidding. No one needs Barbie to look up to. Besides she can’t stand up on her own anyway.

And let’s not forget that it’s important to exercise! We can’t play with Diwali Barbie all day.

Yes, I’m not sure if the stripping as exercise fad has spread far from Los Angeles where even here in suburban Santa Clarita there are exercise classes to teach us girls to strip for our hubs. But if mama does it, no doubt it’s okay for her girls too. And our girls can use the stripper pole while wearing their padded Bratz bras. As long as they’ve turned six years old. Not a day before. We have values here in Santa Clarita.

Most importantly, a happy birthday to Myfanwy! Go out and avoid purchasing these gifts for her today!

These are via feministing.