Surviving the Workday

Consider submitting a design to the spiritual jewelry design contest sponsored by Ka Gold Jewelry.

Ka Gold Jewelry and David Weitzman, a jewelry designer from Israel specializing in sacred jewelry and talismans, have announced an ongoing jewelry design contest , with the latest contest having started on September 1st and the next on November 1st.

If design isn’t your forte, you can at least vote for your favorite design. I just did!

No, I’m not really asking.

But apparently some managers were asking waitresses in NYC and tracking their weight in spreadsheets. It’s really hard to have a decent sense of self when your manager seems to care about your weight.

From Weightress Outrage at Pub:

Both women said only female workers were singled out for the weigh-ins and questions about their weight, and that it was done without explanation. And they claim the managers would criticize waitresses - but not waiters - for ordering fatty fried food for their own dinners.

They also claim that waitresses’ individual weights were tracked on a computer spreadsheet - and the results placed on a Web site that tracked the weights of waitresses in other establishments in the city. “I’ve been doing sexual-harassment law for 20 years, and this has to be the most egregious case of degradation to women that I have ever seen,” said the women’s lawyer, Rosemarie Arnold. “It’s unbelievable.”

Thanks to feministing.com for the link.

What is the primary challenge in the division of household labor? Household labor is usually unpaid if it is done by someone in the family. Unpaid translates to frequently undervalued.

But as anyone who lives in a household knows, if no one did the laundry, dishes, and food preparation, there would be a lot of dirty smelly hungry people. So this is, in fact, very valuable work, it’s just not usually paid and usually not split equally.

I’ve noticed division of household labor is a particular problem for couples when they don’t share money because most often one person does most of the washing, cleaning, and cooking, but doesn’t receive any financial benefit from this, and still has to split all bills. It’s pretty messy stuff.

Spain has decided to legislate a 50% division of labor in households. In Housework Looms for Spanish Men, you can read more about changing cultural traditions:

Puffing and panting and swearing under his breath, 36-year-old Santi Risco tries to put up an ironing board. He doesn’t have much success and it’s a pretty painful sight watching a previously undomesticated Spanish male trying hard to change with the times.

“Spanish law is changing so men have to do 50% of the housework,” Santi tells me, rather red-faced. “I am getting married this autumn so I am learning things I’ve never done before: ironing, cleaning floors and doing the washing up.

“It’s not that I’m a macho man. It’s just that I’ve never been taught these things before.”

I don’t really feel sorry for Santi.

Thanks to feministing.com for the link.

Often I find that when I’m angry, I’m so emotional that I seem like a little kid flailing her arms around, just in hopes of hurting something, anything. Between the tears and the arm flapping, it’s not very effective.

But, occasionally, I really manage to direct my anger in such a way as to get exactly what I want. That happened yesterday. I used exactly the right words. And I got exactly what I wanted. And it floored me by how powerful I was (and professional, I might add).

I’m not clear on how exactly I manage to shift from ineffective anger to effective anger, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit and I’m interested in hearing other thoughts on the matter.

This particular issue had to do with protecting myself, my family, and the people in the neighborhood. I can’t actually say anything more than that. But I was acting not only on my own behalf. I think that may have helped me create a powerful response.

From Self-Therapy Thoughts on Anger:

Anger = Energy = Power

When we are angry we are feeling raw energy that is ready for use. This is our power.

The only real decision we have to make is: “How will I use all this power?”

Your anger is like a laser beam. Aim it precisely where it will do you the most good.

Try the lovingkindness meditation.

It’s just seven and a half minutes after which I wasn’t as editorially bothered about lovingkindness run together as one word and didn’t feel entirely compelled to rewrite the meditation with parallel construction.

It’s just that good!

And if you haven’t noticed my side column rearrangement, you should now find it easier to access illustrated prayers, meditations, and Ms. Theologian posts.

If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.

If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.

If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.

If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.

If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.

chinese philospher - lao-tse - 6th century bce
From World Prayers

Jim has me convinced that if I had one of these puppies, I’d be all set. I have “scheduling issues” in that I have too much to do. Apparently writing it down on melamine might make the difference. I’m not sure that seeing my schedule life size will make me feel better. Any favorite office products? Favorite scheduling tools? I already have the Franklin Planner. I sleep with it.

Two days ago, when I spent my lunch hour at Shell, filling up on gas, fish and chips (from Jack and the Box, next door), then eating in the car wash trying not to be sick by the moving washing parts, I thought I had sunk pretty low.* (I share this because some people write to me presuming I have some sort of corner on the market on ethical purity. Oh no. I drive. I throw things out. I just think about it. A lot).

We do after all, often have a choice with which gas station we pump at. And some, say, Shell, are in cahoots with the devil. But they’re not actually as bad as Exxon-Mobil or Chevron-Texaco.

Check out this cool chart of social responsibility ranking for gas stations and the folks below, which are the best of the bunch (which may not be saying a lot, but at least if you’re going to plunk down $30-50 for a fill up, you might as well not reward the worst behavior)

BP does alternative energy research.
Citgo funds hurricane relief.
Sunoco signed the Ceres pledge.

Thanks to Ideal Bite for the above information (not the carwash story though). They say that the average person uses 570 gallons a year. That’s at least $1500. It makes a difference where you get it.

*Why did I believe I had sunk so low? A breakdown:

Car washes waste water. We live in a desert without water. So I’d be better off with a bucket.
Car washes uses weird toxic crap to remove dirt. This goes into the groundwater eventually.
Jack in the Box doesn’t recycle its oil for biodiesel vehicles.
The fries in Jack in the Box were heated to precisely the right temperature to result in that sort of cancer causing potato effect you may have heard so much about.
And, finally, Shell has all sorts of human rights abuses, particularly in Africa (Nigeria).

Would someone like to parse this for me? Because makes no sense to me:

“Today, when we have learned to recognize the pathologies and life-threatening diseases associated with religion and reason, and the ways that God’s image can be destroyed by hatred and fanaticism, it is important to state clearly the God in whom we believe,” the pope said.

From The Pope Assails Secularism Does he think that Muslims have a different God? from Christians Is that what he means? Because, excuse me for pointing it out, but there are three major western religions: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. They all have the same stories. One could argue they are much more similar than different.

And finally, I quote from the NY Times:

At the end of that summer, he devoted an annual weekend of study with former graduate students to Islam. In that meeting, and since, he has reportedly expressed skepticism about Islam’s openness to change, given its view of the Koran as the unchangeable word of God.

Let’s play Mad Libs. Substitute “Bible” for “Koran.” Hmm…sound familiar?

LoveCraft BioFuels has been getting a lot press recently, and for some good reasons: they’ll convert your diesel Mercedes to biodiesel and they sell already converted Mercedes.

I’ve been a fan of biodiesel ever since I first researched it in 1997 for a piece on the Veggie Van. At the time, many people thought this was just wacky. I mean, used vegetable oil from fast food restaurants fueling a van? Who’d thunk it. But it works. It’s only about $3/gallon, which is the same as the price of gas (here, anyway). And it’s recycling.

For more information, you can begin with LoveCraft, for tips on lhow to collect oil. I should note that you don’t have to gather your own oil. There are now fueling stations too.

Now, if only I had an old Mercedes Benz….

Thanks to Ideal Bite for the tip.

I rarely say this, so let me say it loudly, thank you, Harvard, for ending early decision.

If it’s been a long time since you applied for college, I’ll remind you that early decision is a process that allows candidates to apply early to one university as long as they promise to attend that university. Up to a third of Harvard’s class was admitted early.

Why does this matter? What does this have to do with spirituality and the workplace?

Early decision is an insidious process of economic injustice because it does not allow candidates to compare financial aid offers from different universities.* You have to take the financial aid offer that your university makes because you are in a binding contract with them. And they have absolutely no obligation to offer you any money. So they most of the time they don’t.

So, while I do think that Harvard and many other universities with endowments the size of large African/Asian/South American nations, should be totally free, and thus just get the best candidates regardless of family income, this is a small step in the right direction.

*And, yes, I did apply early decision, and yes, I was totally fucked by that because I was then in a binding contract with a university without any financial aid.

Yes, I’ve found it. A pet peeve: the sexualizationof little girls.

I would bet that most women remember the first time they were told not to run around topless. Dar Williams has an entire song about this. Around age five, my uncle told my mom that my child-nipples made him uncomfortable. I had to go put a top on. That was really the beginning of the end of innocence as far as I’m concerned.

So while this is not surprising, it is still disgusting:

Tiny matching lingerie sets of lacy bras and knickers in many children’s brands including Bratz, Saddle Club and Barbie, have hit the shelves aimed at girls who are barely old enough for school.

Let me say that again: barely old enough for school. That top is not for a woman, but for a little girl.

Thanks to feministing.com for the link.

But having your boss blog about it seems just unnecessary.

From The Trump Blog’s post on Carolyn:

I told Carolyn in the nicest way possible, “Go out and enjoy your family. Get a new job.”

Did he pat her on the head afterward and say, “There, there, sweetheart.” What a jerk.

But that isn’t the only nugget in Donald’s tasty post:

The fact is, I like Carolyn very much but she loved her fame and she loved her celebrity on “The Apprentice” and it was affecting her work.

Do you hear that? That’s the sound of me hooting with laughter. Can you think of someone else who loves his celebrity?

Ms. Theologian is now available for your questions regarding spirituality and the workplace. Her favorite topics include how to supervise, how to survive being laid off, how to survive being promoted (egads! it can be even worse than being laid off!), and what to do when you see that stray condom wrapper behind the copy machine.

Email her your queries at ms dot theologian at gmail dot com or post anonymously here using a haloscan comment.

And you should probably ask her something or other because otherwise she’ll just make up questions for herself.

Ms. Theologian is also on myspace.com, where you should make her your friend. And, yes, she’s going to use this photo over and over again until she’s sick of it.

I can remember being twentysomething and attending church. The people closest in age to me were in the nursery. I ended up feeling so uncomfortable in the church that I chose to work with the children in the religious education program instead. And I think that was wise anyway–I like kids a lot, and adults, well, it depends on the adult.

Research on Christianity and Twentysomethings confirms this experience as typical. The Barna Group in Most Twentysomethings Put Spirituality on the Shelf following Spiritually Active Teen Years found that six out of ten people who were active as teenagers in church won’t be active as twentysomethings.

Six out of ten. That’s a lot of disinterest. The Barna Group puts the blame for lack of church attendance firmly on the shoulders of the twentysomethings.

Dan Kimball, author of An Emerging Church, has some interesting points about why twentysomethings don’t attend church in this interview:

Putting this rather bluntly, I have experienced that most of the younger people I know who have left their church are generally quite intelligent. Many churches also don’t intellectually challenge them, and that is another interesting thing I have heard. I think that many church attendees are somewhat passive and like to just sit and listen and basically be told what to think and what to do by their pastor. So, if you are a thinking person, it makes it difficult because most churches don’t leave room or have opportunity for dialogue.

I like putting the blame on the church and the lack of intellectual challenge rather than the twentysomethings.

We live in a small neighborhood in a small town in a small city that is often rated to be the safest in the country by the FBI.

Yet people call the police on their neighbors for lingering too long in a parking lot (loitering), for asking a question (harassing), for making mysterious noises in the yard (obviously building an arsenal). We are a community that lives in fear.

Was it different before 9-11? I’m not so sure. I think we were heading in this direction for a while, but 9-11 allowed the culture of fear to mobilize.

So with very little crime, why do people act as if they are one step away from being mugged?

1. Television is everywhere and the shows and commercials aren’t about love, gardening, and losing attachment to material crap. The last time I watched TV in a hotel room in Austin I was struck by how many TV shows and commercials were fear-based. If it wasn’t murder, it was rape. Often both. And if it wasn’t about terrorists, it was about crocodiles. It was about all things out to get you in one way or another.

And what does this do?

Our brain is made of three parts, the triune brain. The reptilian brain is the most basic part. It likes repetition and does anything to survive, including kill, eat, and mate. The paleomammalian part of the brain (also know as the limbic brain) is the seat of all emotion, particular fear, and of memory. And then there’s the neocortex, which allows some of us to think abstractly (this is a joke–the “some” part).

For many years, scientists assume the neocortex was in charge, because after all we are humans and oh so smart. But not so. The limbic brain can take over, particularly when it’s triggered and reminded of why it should be fearful. Fear and memory–the territory of the limbic brain.

2. Anxiety is Contagious When I googled this phrase, I came up with test anxiety strategies. (And, yes, you should avoid stressed out people before exams.) And after some digging, I came up with organizational anxiety. But I believe what we have in the United States is an anxious country. And anxiety has spread everywhere with the help of cell phones, email, text messages, and blackberries.

Jurassic White House: The Reptilian Brain of George W. Bush (relevant to today)
From Pain to Power (Steps to Living Without Fear)
Creating and Maintaining Safe Classrooms (the context in which I learned about the three-part brain)

Through my collection of UU blogs on kinja, I’ve found James Ford, a minister at the First Unitarian Society of Newton, which led me to Boundless Way Zen.

Here’s a terrific explanation of what Zen is:

The great project of Zen is awakening.

On the one hand Zen is about the most important things in our lives. Within the practices of Zen we have an opportunity to come to our deepest knowing, to find who we are, and how we fit within the world. So Zen is focused on the disciplines of meditation, the technologies of awakening.

On the other hand Zen is about becoming ordinary, who we are within the simplest moments of our lived lives. And so Zen is also how we treat children, how we care for each other. It is about poetry and dance and every expression of human creativity.

Read more here.

I’m also partial to the Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe. I took a class with Joan Halifax, one of the Zen priests there, while in Divinity School on being with dying.

I’ve read three books by Helen Schulman (P.S., The Revisionist, and Out of Time) recently and I could not be more impressed. They are all books about people recovering from past tragedies. Whether it is the death of a boyfriend, the Holocaust, or the death of a child, each of these books is about the durability of the human spirit.

Here’s an interview with Helen in Beatrice and a charming interview with Karen Karbo.

Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner is interviewed on Feministing about the Maternal Wall:

When you look at what’s happening with women in America, you can see the root of the wage gap between men and women in our country really stems from this maternal wall: Women with children make about 73 cents to a man’s dollar, single mothers make an average of 56 to 66 cents to a man’s dollar, and women without children make about 90 cents to a man’s dollar.

Read the entire interview with Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner and see her solutions here.

You probably know that people with pets live happier, healthier lives: quicker recovery from illnesses, less doctor visits, lower cholesterol and blood pressure, more pet hair injested. That sort of thing.

I’m not going to talk about the benefits of unconditional love because I honestly think my dog would much rather live with more stable wealthier people who let her sleep on the sofa. Yes, my parents. Every time they’ve dog sat Mia, she has jumped into their Camry and not looked back. No, not longingly. Not even disapprovingly. She just doesn’t look back at all. This stems from the tuna sandwich incident of 1996, followed by the donut incident of 1997, in which my mother “accidentally” fed her things she should not have. Dogs remember that sort of thing. Dogs hope for more of that sort of thing in the future.

That said, Mia is the perfect coworker. She never objects verbally to what I say, but she doesn’t like when I pick up the phone, she hates the noises my computer makes, and I’ve seen her just walk out of meetings. Maybe she’s not so perfect.

Dogs in the workplace are more common than you might think. In 1995, I interviewed with John Muir publishing in Santa Fe. All of those folks brought their dogs to work. Unfortunately, they said that they already had too many dogs at work and I couldn’t bring Mia (I didn’t take the job. What was the point?)

The American Humane Society claims these benefits:

- Staff morale and worker productivity increased by bringing pets to work
- Increased camaraderie among employees
- Happier employees result in enhanced job performance
- Increase in sales reported by store owners who take their dogs to work
- Dogs can serve as a crime deterrent.

That assumes that everyone likes dogs, which we all know isn’t exactly true.

Read more about taking your dog to work. Use Petfinder to find the perfect pet. And you can always volunteer at a shelter through Pets911.

Spirituality and Children

When I mentioned spirituality and children last month, this was really the opposite of what I had in mind. It’s not that I don’t think parents should encourage their children to become aware of the world around them and of power; it’s just that this documentary describes brainwashing, which seems like any other kind of brainwashing (regardless of the religion involved). Thoughts?