Surviving the Workday

Matt just introduced himself.

He has a blog, Man in the Maze, in which he posts illustrated prayers. And you may know how I feel about illustrated prayers. Just check the side column for my favorites.

My most recent favorite on Man in the Maze is Song of Zacharias with a photograph of clouds that look like mountains and a lovely passage from the New Testament.

Dear Ms. Theologian,

Signed,

Not sure what “Develop bench strength in 6 key practice areas” even means

Dear Not Sure,

First, Ms. Theologian isn’t sure what bench strength is. She has found whenever she asks what a term like Bench Strength means she gets her butt kicked by an amorphous answer and a Aren’t You Kinda Dumb look.

Second, self-evaluation and evaluation by others can be a valuable process. However, self-evaluation and evaluation by others in a corporate structure where your career and raise depend on it is not as valuable. It’s a game, especially when your evaluations control raises and there’s only a certain amount of money to go around.

Here is the secret to surviving the process and not having your soul eaten by a corporation: act with compassion and grace toward others AND toward yourself while evaluating. I think if you can behave this way, you will feel as if you will survive the workplace spiritually.

–Ms. Theologian

If you would like to write to Ms. Theologian, send your question about a work related problem to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com

Dear Ms Theologian,

A followup question from De-Mentor.

If one cannot be a mentor if one has no interest in helping others on their career paths, should one still be a manager? Must a manager be a mentor?

-De-Mentor

Dear De-Mentor:

Managing involves organizing, delegating, scheduling, and often reviewing. Mentoring involves inspiring, counseling, helping, and coaching. Managing is different than mentoring to Ms. Theologian’s way of thinking. Managing does not always involve mentoring. In fact, it most often does not.

Here is where it gets confusing. Just as mentors coach, sometimes managers need to coach.

Now coaching is a sports term, and Ms. Theologian is not partial to sports terms, however she will press on with the sports metaphor despite the internal confusion it causes her.

Employee coaching can be done when employees are properly and fully trained, but their actions have ethical or legal ramifications, they are repeating behaviors that cause them to fail, or they are not functioning well as part of the team. This is not mentoring, however; this is coaching.

Think of the professional baseball coach. The players know the rules. They know the basics of how to swing and catch. But the coach helps them address issues that have bigger ramifications (say the player gambles, for example, or hires prostitutes….coaches deal with that sort of thing) or maybe the player keeps swinging too high or too low and missing the ball or perhaps the player doesn’t get along well with the other members of the team. These are all issues a coach can address.

So, in the workplace, a manager may be able to coach an employee through a tricky legal deal or with a particularly cantankerous client interaction. A manager may coach an employee through preparations for a presentation. A manager may coach an employee with an internal dispute or through mediation.

Managers do not have to mentor, but they may have to coach.

-Ms. Theologian

Dear Ms. Theologian,

Signed,
De-mentor

Dear De-mentor:

Ms. Theologian wishes she had a mentor now too. Someone to rub her shiny hair and tell her she was smart and beautiful. Someone to tell her how to run her business. Someone to advise her on planning for the future. Someone to take her aside and tell her that she’s doing a great job, that this is worth it.

But, alas, there is no mentor.

She remembers how she wanted a mentor in college, but all the smart successful female scientists were too busy for anything other than work and family. And so sans talent or mentor, Ms. Theologian did not become a scientist.

Ms. Theologian remembers how she wanted a mentor in teaching, but she was assigned to a nun, Sister Magdalena. That really didn’t work out. Sister Magdalena did not like Ms. Theologian. She thought she was a little ‘ho (and a bad math teacher).

But then Ms. Theologian stumbled upon another teacher who wanted to partner with her for an interdisciplinary exploration of water quality in the Rio Grande watershed. And that worked out well with happy well-satisfied students. Teaching with her mentor was one of the best professional experiences of her life.

Ms. Theologian remembers how she wanted a mentor in publishing and gravitated toward a woman who was so lovely and funny, but underneath just as troubled as the rest of us. And that worked out for a while.

So, in response to your queries:

What if the only mentors available are either too busy or too hateful?

(Then these mentors aren’t really available).

Is there such a thing as self-mentorship?

(Now that’s a great book idea. Let me think about this. What is it that you want out of a mentorship? Praise? Encouragement? Professional connections. Advice?

Is it possible to give yourself praise and encouragement? Yes.

Is it possible to network yourself into great situations? Also, yes.

Is it possible to give yourself advice? Ha, ha. It happens all the time.

So, yes, I think if you carefully examine what you want from mentorship, you can find some of what you seek. But I also think mentors are all around us…sometimes filling very specific needs.)

And, how can I mentor others when I personally don’t care to help them in the first place?
(Trick question. You can’t.)

–Ms. Theologian

It’s refreshing to see that not everything needs to be bought and sold for the highest dollar.

Craig Newmark of Craig’s List says that he’s not selling:

Who needs the money? We don’t really care,” Craig Newmark said in an interview at the Picnic ‘06 Cross Media Week conference here.

“If you’re living comfortably, what’s the point of having more?” Newmark said.

From Craig’s List Founder Says He Won’t Cash In. He also addresses why he’s not interested in selling and giving to charity:

Newmark said raising the money to subsequently give it away to good causes also did not interest him.

“Finding a good cause is incredibly hard and time-consuming,” he said, adding that he and Chief Executive Jim Buckmaster agree on not cashing in.

“We both know some people who own more than a billion (dollars) and they’re not any the happier. They also need bodyguards,” he said.

What a sensible man.

I suppose I have a “home-based business” though given the amount of email I send, it’s actually an “email-based business” that could be anywhere, including occasionally the parking lot of Dunkin Donuts a long way from home. (Unprotected wireless is sometimes very helpful.)

This article, Most Woman-Owned US Firms based at Home, brings up some interesting statistics:

The Census Bureau found 49 percent of the nation’s businesses are operated from home. Also, three-quarters of U.S. businesses are self-employed individuals with no paid employees, it found.

The data, showing 56 percent of female-owned businesses are run from home, illustrates how women opt to work from home for an array of family reasons, workplace experts say.

Among businesses owned by men, less than half, or 47 percent, were home-based, said the U.S. Census Bureau report.

The article makes a big deal of the woman-aspect of this, but it looks to me that about half of all businesses are at home, with a slightly higher amount by women. I think people are just working at home more, which is pretty interesting in and of itself.

Yes, I thought so.

In any case, lest you forget that those who are conservative and have definite ideas about how women should behave take their values into the marketplace, here’s the Abstinence Outlet.

It’s all right to be liberal in the workplace. Really. The Conservative Folks aren’t staying home with their heads in the ground.

Via feministing.

Here’s the Working America Survey. It’s an AFL-CIO affiliate and they’re looking for information on what the most important issues are to working families.

If you don’t mind sharing, it would be great to post any of your top concerns about work in the comments section. For example, one of my top concerns as a small business owner seems to be that I’m taxed into oblivion. I realize that’s not so spiritual, but I think it’s interesting that the taxes on small businesses are so high. It really discourages entrepreneurship.

One of my favorite things about Annie Lamott has to do with her conversations with Jesus.

I say “help me, help me!”

Or I say “Hi God,” I say “Hi Jesus.”

I get on my knees first thing in the morning. Actually I lie in bed for a little while with my dog and cat, my main prayer partners.

I just talk to God, and say, “Thank you” for the morning’s beautiful weather – it’s sunny or rainy or whatever – and [because] I’m alive, and warm, and safe, and I have these cute animals….

I have such an unsophisticated prayer and religious and spiritual life that I have a very immediate relationship with Jesus, so it’s usually to him that I pray.

I usually say “hi,” and I can just feel him say, “Hi, hi hon.”

Do you talk to God? Or Jesus? Or someone?

I try to talk to someone, but sometimes I forget and just talk to myself. I love the idea of Jesus calling me hon though. I might need to try this.

Take a survey about talking to God

I think of myself is as a good prioritizer at work with my Franklin Planner and A, B, C, 1, 2, and 3, but I learned two excellent tips from this article on How to Prioritize Work.

1. When you divide your work into “urgent” and “important” consider ignoring the “urgent” emergencies.

It sounds absurd at first, but the rationale is that these often aren’t “your” emergencies, but someone else’s poor planning and execution.

2. When you take on new projects, figure out what exactly you are losing. My tendency is to take on more and more work and forget about what I’m losing.

Here are some ideas to make the workday better:

1. Breathe
2. Pray
3. Meditate
4. Exercise
5. Prioritize

And, honestly, that’s all I got. That’s all I ever had.

Other contributions?

It’s always hard to find a place to recycle your computer. But you don’t want to throw it away. Scary stuff is in there.

Here’s a link from the helpful government Where can I donate or recycle my old computer?

You might also try freecycle, which I’ve heard great things about, but does not apparently work in the affluent suburbs, where everyone wants new things. You might also try Redo. And there’s always the free listings at Craig’s List.

I don’t think about shame very often, but I certainly experience it frequently enough.

On a daily basis, I find errors in my work, which cause a tender blush to rise in my face. But that’s nothing compared to when others find errors in my work and then call me on it. And because I often work quickly, always under deadline, always with multiple clients and multiple projects, and lastly, because I’m human, I make mistakes.

Most recently, Jim and I returned from a relaxing vacation to a bunch of emails, one of which consequently involved a phone call detailing all the errors found in my work while I was gone. (Punishment for a week of vacation, no doubt). And there were a fair amount, some that were my fault, but many that were not.

But the shame! Oh, the shame I felt. It was almost completely paralyzing. I couldn’t stop thinking about how unfair, how unreasonble, how I should have said many other things, but didn’t.

Shame is at its most powerful when it digs at our sense of worth and finds us utterly lacking.

I can remember when I was laid-off from Houghton Mifflin how I felt shame again, this time much more powerfully. It was as if being laid off was my own fault, even though I knew through observation that everyone was laid off. That was the nature of working as an editor. One crop of editors grew older, and had to be paid more, and consequently was laid off.

One of the best descriptions of shame in the workplace is one Barbara Ehrenreich’s blog. This is a lengthy quote, but it’s well worth reading because of the powerful connections she makes between shame, sexual assault, and being laid off.

The ultimate trick is to make people ashamed of the injuries inflicted upon them. In many cultures, rape renders a woman an unmarriageable pariah. In Pakistan today – one of our more embarrassing “allies” – a woman who brings charges of rape can be punished for “adultery.” Even in America, many women’s first response to sexual harassment or assault is to feel soiled and shamed, as if she had brought the unwanted advances on herself.

Something similar goes on in the case of the laid off and unemployed, thanks to the prevailing Calvinist form of Protestantism, according to which productivity and employment are the source of one’s identity as well as one’s income. Not working? Then what are you? And to put the Calvinist message in crude theological terms: go to hell.

In case anyone fails to feel their full measure of shame over unemployment, there is an entire shame industry to whip them into shape: The career coaches, self-help books, motivational speakers and business gurus who preach that whatever happens to you must be a result of your own “attitude.” Laid off and coming up empty on your job search? You must be too “negative,” and hence attracting negative circumstances into your life.

What do you think about shame?

One Painting, One Question. Spurred by an entirely white canvas hung in an art museum that Jim and I visited recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about meritocracy and art. It’s not that I didn’t think the entirely white canvas was art. I just started wondering more about who decides what is hung in a museum. Why was that painting there? Much like I often wonder who decides what gets published.

Consider Meritocracy. We are steeped in it in the United States. Meritocracy is the basic idea that quality is rewarded rather than cronyism, wealth, or connections. An article in the Economist, Meritocracy in America, describes this well:

The United States likes to think of itself as the very embodiment of meritocracy: a country where people are judged on their individual abilities rather than their family connections. The original colonies were settled by refugees from a Europe in which the restrictions on social mobility were woven into the fabric of the state, and the American revolution was partly a revolt against feudalism. From the outset, Americans believed that equality of opportunity gave them an edge over the Old World, freeing them from debilitating snobberies and at the same time enabling everyone to benefit from the abilities of the entire population. They still do.

But we’re not a meritocracy, and we never were. The Founding Fathers excluded just about everyone who wasn’t a (somewhat) straight wealthy white guy.

But here’s the rub—we still think we’re a meritocracy in the United States. We just can’t give that idea up.

According to the ideology of the American Dream, America is the land of limitless opportunity in which individuals can go as far as their own merit takes them. According to this ideology, you get out of the system what you put into it. Getting ahead is ostensibly based on individual merit, which is generally viewed as a combination of factors including innate abilities, working hard, having the right attitude, and having high moral character and integrity. Americans not only tend to think that is how the system should work, but most Americans also think that is how the system does work.

The idea of a meritocracy, described above in an article from Sociation Today is a hard idea to give up, but I think it’s an important one to examine and let go of. If you want some statistics about how the United States is not a meritocracy, read that article.

Back to Art. In a meritocratic art work, quality is rewarded by being exhibited, bought, printed, or published. I’ve been thinking about meritocracy in terms of what finds itself published in a big publishing house.

I know far more about what finds itself published than what ends up in a museum. Lots of good books are published by big publishing houses. And by “good” I mean that these are books of art–they evoke emotion, they change how you view the world, they add to your world. And lots of totally crappy books are published too, some because the author is already famous, some because they are expected to sell well, but mostly both. And by “crappy” I mean that you have the same sensation after reading them as you do consuming a package of Pringles–empty and malnourished. And yes, “good” and “crappy” are relative and subjective terms.

It’s important not to confuse publishing (or appearing in an art museum) as an ultimate judgment of your work. It’s a judgment, all right, but not necessarily one of quality, not necessarily one of merit. It certainly may be. But art doesn’t operate as a meritocracy any more than our current system of government does.

I’m wondering if this is related to a discussion Jordan had about Validation on her blog. Since I don’t get so much (with very little published), I’m wondering if I’m just being bitter. I’m trying to shift the paradigm from one of “If I just study hard (write well, paint well, sculpt well), I’ll be successful (published, exhibited, bought)” to one that doesn’t seek the approval of a society that seems mostly intent on consuming Pringles.

And now back to the Workplace. One of the most damaging effects of the myth of meritocracy is that many of us in the United States believe that if we buckle down and work hard we will be rewarded by keeping our jobs, getting promotions, or getting paid more. We’re presented with discrepant evidence over and over that should shift our thinking away from the myth of meritocracy, but it doesn’t. At least it hasn’t.

All of this leads me to the Guerrilla Girls, whom you probably want to read more about in an interview, Frida Kahlo, Guerrilla Girl, on feministing. This is what provided one answer to the question, “Why is this painting in the museum?”

Happy Rosh Hashanah!

Last night marked the start of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. The time beginning with Rosh Hashanah until Yom Kippur is known as the Days of Awe, a time in which to look inward, consider our faults, and ask forgiveness before Yom Kippur.

And Happy Autumnal Equinox or Mabon (Mabon was the son or Mordon, the mother of the earth).

This is the time to celebrate the harvest, to appreciate the chill that’s present in the night air, and to be thankful that we’re alive.

I’m partial to celebrating both with fruits of the harvest: apples with honey for Rosh Hashanah and pumpkins for the Equinox.

In my continuing quest to alienate myself from the neighbors, I’ve just ordered some Tibetan Prayer flags (five sorts of prayer!) to fly from our porch. I like the idea of prayers for peace being transported by the wind throughout the neighborhood, from my home to yours and beyond.

See how prayer flags are displayed in Nepal.

Have you heard of Better World Club? It’s like AAA, only slightly more aligned with my own values, and maybe with yours.

I always got the Heebie-Jeebies when I opened AAA WestWays magazine, but wasn’t exactly sure why. But now I’ve read their environmental and consumer record, and my Heebie-Jeebies make more sense. Yuck.

With the Better World Club you still get roadside assistance, maps, insurance, trip planning, etc.

You can join here for 10% off*.

No, I wasn’t paid for this. It just came through Ideal Bite, my enviro e-newsletter.

Dear Maxim,

Life is not about making yourself fuckable to Maxim readers. Seriously.

-Ms. Theologian

Are you married?

Do you have kids?

How many?

You probably thought it was illegal to ask these sorts of questions in a job interview. Well, not in Pennsylvania.

Sign the Moms Rising Petition to end workplace discrimination in states such as Pennsylvania.

Read more about the Motherhood Manifesto.

Thanks to Ann for the link on Is America Burning?

Grandmother Earth, Soul of Nature.
Great power of the receptive,
Of nurturance and endurance,
Power to grow and bring forth Flowers of the field,
Fruits of the garden.
We pray that we may be aligned with you,
So that your powers may flow through us,
And be expressed by us,
For the good of this planet Earth,
And all living beings upon it.

excerpted from four elements medicine wheel - ralph metzner on World Prayers

A couple of days ago, I made an appointment for oral surgery. Now, the cost of this oral surgery is roughly the same as having a heating and cooling system installed in our house, a trip to Italy for two for two weeks during the prime season, or, say, a decent used vehicle. It’s extraordinary. It’s not covered by insurance. And I really have no choice.

So as I was making the appointment, I asked the coordinator what my payment options were. Her answer:

a. 100% payment up front
b. an arrangement with Capital One

Now, I was sort of taken aback that they had only two options (Is everyone using home equity?), and I was doubly surprised that they were using Capital One, a company which is the worst of the worst credit card companies in the country.

Unfortunately, the phrase “predatory lender” was not at the tip of my tongue. Instead, I just said, “Oh, I loathe Capital One. I guess we’ll just pay upfront.”

I may still inform the oral surgeon of Capital One’s ratings. They have a delightful low-limit credit card, which they repeatedly don’t send bills for until they send whopping overage charges. They don’t report the limits of their credit cards to credit bureaus, which lowers your credit score (a ratio of how much debt you have to how much available credit you have). They charge higher interest rates on mortgages depending on ethnicity (e.g., if you’re black, you get a subprime rate). Their rap sheet is here. And there’s a lovely story of how they screwed someone getting oral surgery too.

I also came across Geico’s dodgy policy of charging people less money for car insurance if they have advanced degrees (regardless of driving record, address, etc).