I’ve been annoyed with my car now for quite a while.

Actually, annoyed with both cars in the driveway. And it’s really not their fault. We live a long way from civilization (just ask the neighbors!) and have to drive in to get any goodies or to see friends or family.

Imagine my joy at realizing someone else had identified the problem with cars at CarFree.

The urban automobile:
Kills street life
Damages the social fabric of communities
Isolates people
Fosters suburban sprawl
Endangers other street users
Blots the city’s beauty
Disturbs people with its noise
Causes air pollution
Slaughters thousands every year
Exacerbates global warming
Wastes energy and natural resources
Impoverishes nations

Click here for solutions. And check out Wikipedia’s List of Car Free Places

Dear Ms. Theologian,

My question for you: How to find the balance? I mean, isn’t one of the reasons I work for myself so that I can have more time for myself? I seem to remember that when I worked for a company I had a lot more free time during the day than I do now. Where is the balance? How do we find it? Do we even want it?

Signed,
Seeking Balance

Dear Seeking Balance,

Do you see that? No, not that! The large crevass. Yes, there is a Grand Canyon between the self-employed and the employed for others. And, oh my, is it simply enormous.

The last letter writer, Going to Kill Her One of these Days, managed someone who worked in a company and this person worked overtime unnecessarily.

But, you, ma chere, work hard necessarily because you are self-employed. That is the gulf that separate the self-employed from the employed for others. It divides us both in terms of purpose and in terms of how we have to live.

In Defense of Workaholism is especially suited for your question (it’s a column for the self-employed–this could not be a better thing to read for you right now, forget Ms. Theologian, read this guy):

The truth is this: if you want to succeed as a freelancer, you have to be at least something of a workaholic. No one admits this, but it’s true. You need to work hard to establish yourself, to fortify your reputation, to market your services, and to ensure that your clients are happy. The work never stops — and because of this, you have to keep in close contact with your inner workaholic.

Ms. Theologian could tell you a story about an Austin B & B where she arrived at midnight for Client #1 and then found that the B & B’s wireless connection didn’t work in her room, so she ended up camped out in the dining room until 3 a.m. trying to finish a file for Client #2. My Austin is beautiful at 3 a.m. Or did you read her tasteful post as she worked Friday night next to the dirty diaper in the trash at the airport in Phoenix? Yes, there was a dirty diaper, but also a plug for her computer. She could tell you that story. She could tell you that it lead her to break a no-makeup promise and purchase some undereye concealer. But she won’t. Because you have your own stories. You are self-employed. You probably even know the Phoenix airport.

So, how do you find balance?

You don’t find it, you make it. And you make it by making some activities that you do just as important as your clients.

Bathing, for example, seems fairly important. Others include:

Walking the dog;

Dinners with your spouse;

Dinners with friends;

Exercise;

Taking your kids to school;

Other things that married and nonmarried people do;*

You just schedule it. And you follow through much like it’s a project due.

-Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you’d like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

*No, Ms. Theologian did not just advise her to schedule sex. Just things people do. But, if you do happen to schedule sex, please use some sort of code word because there’s nothing more disturbing than looking in someone’s Franklin Planner and seeing “nookie” scheduled in for Mondays at 10 a.m. Ms. Theologian hopes she needs her eyes examined.

Dear Ms Theologian,

Signed,
Going to kill her one of these days

Dear Going to kill her:

I’d say right about now it’s fine to throw up your hands. Temporarily.

Now have you been modeling appropriate moderation in work habits? That is, have you been arriving and leaving on time, taking lunch breaks, exercising, eating, smoking in the boys room (just kidding on the last one)? I hope so. It’s such a good way to manage. This is why Ms. Theologian pretends to be hard working for her assistant, btw. She’s instilling values in dat young’un!

From a theological point of view, the problem is that our culture glamorizes, values, and appreciates work above everything else. But workaholism is like other addictions. That is to say that many people, including Ms. Theologian, believe that the -isms (workaholism, alcoholism, sexism—again, just kidding on that last one) often come from avoiding pain and suffering in our own life.

Let’s demonstrate with Ms. Theologian’s brain:

Painful thought crosses mind (Let’s try the “I’m an infertile whore” thought of late.*) Note how that thought has nothing to do with work. Except perhaps that whore part. Anyway, Ms. Theologian doesn’t like pain so she tries to distract herself. Not a whore. Not infertile. Chocolate? Mmm… Wine? No, she can’t do that at 7 in the morning. Maybe later though. But she could work. Yes, indeed, she could work. And so she does. What does she do when she thinks she’s an infertile whore again? She works some more. And yet the more she works, the worse the problem becomes because she doesn’t deal with the underlying cause: that she’s truly an infertile whore. *

So, Ms. Theologian fears that with most workaholics there is something similar going on. You’ll have to translate the infertile whore analogy here. But there’s also sorts of sources of pain for most of us. And work helps us avoid those problems.

So what should you do for your coworker other than modeling appropriate moderation? You can be kind. She’s in pain and she’s avoiding it. But inevitably pain finds a way of getting attention.

Compassion above all else, ma chere,

-Ms. Theologian

*Ms. Theologian is not an infertile whore. There is evidence for neither of these. She does however think it’s funny to call herself that. But it’s not funny if you do it to her. It’s just one of those things.

Other Resources

Liberation from Work (a good article until the “Women’s liberation has also spread this addiction movement” sentence to which I wish to add, “if only those women had kept their bras on.”)
Workaholism: The Respectable Addiction (from WebMD)
In Defense of Workaholism (especially helpful for those of us who are self-employed)

P.S. If you would like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

I’m not sure why anyone is surprised when religious images are used for commercial purposes, but this is a funny little gallery including the Buddha tankini (and who isn’t in favor of a good Victoria’s Secret protest? but that looks like a lotus flower to me that is causing the offense, not Buddha as claimed), Hindu finger puppets, and some angel snot (the gift of precious fluids from heavenly messengers!).

I had brunch with my dad this morning at Egg Plantation, home of 101 omelets. My dad wants to retire. He really wants to retire. He wants to retire so much that he’s spent the past five years graphing his retirement options and pay in Stata (statistics software) and presenting them at family gatherings. And those of us who do not have state paid retirement often want to smack him. (He’s been asked to stop giving Powerpoint presentations at Thanksgiving). And, Ted, if you’re reading this–it’s mostly a joke. Mostly.

My dad works in Academia. One of the topics we discussed this morning is how The Academy always seems pristine and intellectual when it’s discussed but how the reality of Academia is pretty crappy. Witness my friends with PhDs and no jobs or combinations of jobs cobbled from adjunct professor of this + adjunct instructor of that. Even the best places for teaching (good pay, smart students, and low course loads) incur no end of complaints from faculty. We won’t get into how my dad feels academia fucked him over, but I’ll leave it at this: I have a strong sense that systems don’t support the individual.

My mom is a social worker, though she has a PhD in Mythology and Psychology or Depth Psychology or Anti-Jungian Feminist Psychology or Something Like That. She had a number of jobs helping people while I was growing up. And while I can appreciate that somewhere, somehow this was about making the world a better place, it seemed to make her (fucking) miserable.

It wasn’t until I realized that I could oh so easily repeat their patterns in either academia or the corporate system or in the helping professions that I really found a way to work and be content. So knowledge of my parents and their influence is probably how I became a. self-employed and anti-system and b. loathe to help anyone. That last part is a joke. Sort of.

In any case, how did your parents feel about their own jobs? How did it shape your own work? Feel free to participate. The most-read part of this blog is the comments section.

just make sure it’s completely out.

And by “one,” I mean the pages of your journal. And by “completely out,” I mean, Please Do Not Set the Forest On Fire With Your Work.

Because, honestly, who hasn’t gone to the beach with her friends from high school and burned a lot of bad writing, a lot of bad photographs from a pretty meaningless prom date, and eaten a lot of bad take out breakfast food? And then years later found remants of such fire and then continued to burn them at Zozobra?

Who among us can throw the first stone at this particular writer who started a large forest fire with pages from her journal that she decided to cathartically burn.

Thanks to Too Beautiful for the link.

May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
- Author Unknown

From Beliefnet’s Prayer of the Day

Chalice Chick describes the relatively common sense of alienation that many of us feel at work and with our colleagues in The Small Miracles of Birth, Part I.

An excerpt from The Small Miracles of Birth:

Today, I was surprised when someone noticed that I look tired.
I explained that I’d gotten a call at 2am and gone dashing out to Fairfax Hospital. Honorary-Sister-In-Law-Tina was in labor.
All the sudden, half the girls in the office were looking at me. “How far along was she?” Someone said.

I’ve found that in many work situations there is a magic word, or perhaps a magic topic, which allowed me to converse with colleagues. Without knowing the magic word, I was lost.

For example, at Eight Northern Indian Pueblos, Pojoaque, New Mexico, the magic word was probably “food.” If I mentioned some type of food, preferably something with chile, I was involved in conversations for the rest of the day. Because, frankly, appreciating food, especially with chile, meant I had taste. I’d be even more popular if I brought food, but that’s another story of bribery and cajoling.

At Houghton Mifflin, in Boston, no surprise here, mention of “esoteric books” was really the magic word, preferably published by Houghton Mifflin. Once, I shared that I didn’t really buy books (And frankly this was because I concentrated on buying things I really needed like food. Gosh, I was so well paid. Sarcasm.), and I swear to god I wasn’t spoken to for several days.

Any other “magic words” that you all would like to share?

I have enough trouble keeping my cacti and succulents alive, but how cool would indoor landscaping be? It would be awesome!

Indoor landscaping is a permanent installation of greenery, such as a mossy green wall, which cleans the air and provides insulation against sound, not to mention the great psychological benefits of being outdoors.

From Core 77’s Design Blog

You probably knew there was nothing good going on with Joe Francis founder of the Girls Gone Wild Megalopoly.

But it’s far worse than you imagined. Read the LA Times article by Claire Hoffman and literally tremble. Hoffman describes in Baby, Give Me A Kiss how Francis assaults her and appears to rape a teenager all in the course of her investigation when one would think he would have been on his best behavior. Should we be surprised? Not particularly. He has tapped into the “boys just need to be boys” mentality in our culture combined with our penchant for exhibitionism:

This is so much bigger than Francis. In a culture where cheap and portable video technology lets everyone play at stardom, and where America’s voyeuristic appetite for reality television seems insatiable, teenagers, like the ones in this club, see cameras as validation.

Feministing has some great analysis:

I will say this: Francis’ behavior–his violence against women, his rage at Hoffman for daring to write an honest piece, and his belief that he’s doing all this in good fun–is the scariest combination of privilege, money and misogyny that I’ve ever seen. It’s like male privilege on crack.

Feministe offers this:

But he doesn’t appear to be equipped to deal with women who aren’t very young, very drunk and shedding their inhibitions for a chance at some kind of fame. Hoffman scares him, and in an attempt to neutralize the threat she poses to him with her ability to use his own words and actions against him, he tries the “a little bit nutty and a little bit slutty” tack.

And from Pandagon makes this excellent point:

It’s funny to me, how “Girls Gone Wild” is supposed to be hedonistic and yet is, at its core, prudish. Always hovering over the whole enterprise, as is indicated by that quote about how the women have changed, is the notion that the women should be ashamed of wanting to get naked and have a wild night of partying. Their shame is the focal point for Francis and probably a lot of viewers. Wanting to punish women for being sexual by humiliation and/or rape (or at least abusive) sex isn’t reallly all the different at its core than the urge that drives people who want to ban abortion or contraception. They all get excited at the chance to punish the slut.

Yes, indeed, punish the slut. God help us. Truly. And if you think you’re spared because you’re not a slut, please think again. In this way of thinking, female = slut.

I just wrote a letter to Comedy Central to ask that they stop taking Girls Gone Wild’s advertising dollars and I included Hoffman’s article. You might do the same.

Doug Herzog, President
1175 Broadway, 10th Fl.New York, NY 10019

It’s fair to say that the work-life balance on Wall Street is a challenge. Wall Street’s Women Face A Fork in the Road gives more details that describe how much of a challenge it is, particularly for women with children and people, in general, who are interested in a life outside of work. (A Suggested Treasure Hunt: Search for the mention of Gordon Gecko, who is mentioned in every article on Wall Street culture ever written.)

Here’s a cogent paragraph that summarizes how the paradigm is shifting:

All of this has accompanied a subtle but crucial sea change for women throughout the business world. Twenty years ago, the gender debate centered on breaking the so-called glass ceiling that kept women out of executive suites, gaining equal access to the workplace and securing equal pay for equal work. Today, concerns more often revolve around reshaping the very architecture of Wall Street work in order to keep women involved, including compensating managers for achieving diversity goals and reaching out to female employees with families.

I saw Who Killed the Electric Car? today at the Laemmle on Fairfax.

The answer is more complex than you might think.

I’m pretty sure that I seem fixated on money most of the time. Part of my belief in bringing a sense of spirituality to the workplace is that it’s important to spend your money on goods and services that you believe in and that make the world a better place. Otherwise you might as well just hand your wallet over to the devil. And in this case, the devil is a combination of GM, the entire automobile industry, oil companies, the Bush administration, and all of us consumers who want to drive big mofo cars.

Read more at Wikipedia about the premise of the film and the GM EV1.

Watch the trailer here.

I have devoted myself to augmenting our list of ways to take care of ourselves.

Why don’t we take care of ourselves?

I’m not sure it’s cool. And when we see “taking care of ourselves” modeled on TV, it often involves a luxury items that seem out of our reach. Out of my reach anyway. Like this massage. In any case, why we don’t take care of ourselves is a post in and of itself. I’ll move on.

So, how can we take care of ourselves?

1. Rest (both in terms of sleep and in terms of non-work).
2. Exercise.
3. Eat well.
4. Say No without Guilt.
1-4 were from Taking Care of Yourself from UC Davis

5. Wear a color that makes you feel good.
6. Surround yourself with positive, thoughtful people.
7. Listen to a favorite tape or CD.
8. Plant flowers or take care of plants (including your houseplants).
5-8 were from Take Good Care of Yourself from the National Network for Child Care

9. Keep a manageable schedule.
10. Do one job at a time.
11. Encourage yourself (and your family) to talk about your feelings.
12. Watch for signs of stress and depression, including nightmares.
9-12 were from the Red Cross of Canada

Other Resources:
Take Care of Yourself so You Can Take Care of Business
Preventing the Contagion of Stress
How to Take Care of Yourself When Your Busy

And it would be 1-900-P R E D I C T.

So about six weeks ago, I had a dream that a friend was pregnant. I emailed her a description of the dream because, sadly, I’m one of those people who thinks other people care about my dreams (They don’t). And she said she probably wasn’t, they weren’t trying, but that her period was a couple days late becaues of air travel. (Aren’t you glad that if you’re my friend, I’ll blog about your menstrual cycle? Yes?) I said if I was right about the pregnancy I would quit my business and open a 1-900 number. Well, I just received confirmation: she’s pregnant and got pregnant right around when I had the dream. Hm.

In any case, this happened about six weeks earlier as well when I had another dream about a friend being pregnant. I dreamt this while in Austin on business and not really sleeping well and it was part of a really crazy evening of sleeplessness. I wasn’t even sure I had dreamt it. In any case, I didn’t tell anyone because it seemed a bit odd.

So, friends, lend my your uteri, and apparently I will dream of your pregnancy. Not my own, mind you, my subconscious is far too busy for that. And I can’t predict anything other than pregnancy. Although, frankly, I’m going to start to try.

I now seem to have a mere three friends who are not with child or do not have children. Perhaps I need to start cultivating younger friends.

Dear Ms. Theologian:

Trying to Focus

Dear Trying to Focus:

First, congratulations on taking on a challenge head on. This is one area where a real career counselor would probably be of service. And maybe a therapist. Or a doctor. And we all know that Ms. Theologian is not one those highly trained types. However, she can make a few suggestions in the theological realm.

You might try Surviving ADHD in the Workplace for some ideas to start that you may not have considered.

Mutual Life Coaching is one good strategy that serves to bond you with someone else with ADHD and to work on your skills. ADHD can often make people feel as if they are isolated and alienated from community, particularly in the workplace. So mutual life coaching makes sense to address that.

Lastly, Ms. Theologian is a big fan of Grace, and in the Christian sense no less. And she’s not even Christian. This means that we all have been given gifts of some form. And some aren’t immediately apparent. But ADHD is no less of a gift than say blindness in that it dramatically changes how we view the world. Ms. Theologian isn’t suggesting that you ignore ADHD because it’s a gift; she’s hoping that you don’t see ADHD as your cross to bear. It’s part of you as a human being.

-Ms. Theologian

Shocking news! People actually care about the ethics of their employers! Alert the presses!

Survey: Corporate Ethics Concern Workers

from our field correspondent, GhostGirl

The example below from Treehugger is a good example of how we tend to frame our questions around Either/Or (thus making Kierkegaard proud, but pushing us into a corner.) In today’s Q & A on Treehugger, they break down the options beyond installing solar panels or wrecking a tree.

Here’s the question posed on Treehugger:

My wife and I have recently bought a house and it looks like it has the perfect roof for solar panels. However, in the way of the south-facing view of the sun, on our property there are a few big trees that block the sun. Would it be better to cut the trees down in order to put solar panels on the roof? Or leave the trees with their habitats for the creatures that live in them and the shade that they provide? It’s quite a bit of tree to cut down. Any suggestions on this moral quandary I’m in would be greatly appreciated.”

Our suggestion:
First, you need to know where your electricity currently comes from. Coal? Hydro? Gas? Nuclear? Depending on what the source is, the benefits of going solar will vary. You might also want to consider other ways than solar panels to get clean energy: A small wind turbine might work if you can get it high enough above the trees and the wind blows enough where you live, but it’s usually more trouble than solar.

The simplest solution probably is to contact your local utility and find out if offer green power. In some places, going 100% clean costs as much as one or two cups coffees per week. If you go that route and have money left over, you can invest it in making the house more energy-efficient (insulation, geothermal heat pump, replacing old appliances, etc).

We grew desert-hardy watermelons last year. And when I say “we”, I mean Jim. He kept the seeds moist when they were first planted, he covered the seedlings with a sun shade, and he kept the plants well fertilized. And then we had dozens of watermelons. Unfortunately, all at the same time. And they were sort of bizarre-tasting and seedy, as many desert varieties are.

Still, it demonstrated that if you nurture something, you can allow it to reach its potential as a big seedy watermelon.

How do you nurture yourself during the day?

If you’re going to drink, why waste your money on some corporate shit? That’s a rhetorical question.

Here’s Inuit beer made from melting glaciers. Now that’s taking lemons and making lemonade. Or beer.

And, of course, we should all reward organic and biodynamic wine with our money. Why? Because at this point organic wine means that it is not genetically engineered. (And if you don’t know why genetically engineered foods are a bad idea, you can read more about wine and frankengrapes here). But organic and biodynamic wines mean no pesticides, herbicides, and insecticides in your grapes (Think of how thin grape skin is? Do you want poison on it?) Also, most organic wines have little sulfites, which may mean less of a headache with the reds.

The Ideal Byte has some organic wines listed, but I haven’t tried any of them. So, here are my favorite organic California wineries:

Sunstone, in the Santa Ynez Valley, has a lovely outdoor courtyard and makes a buttery Chardonnay. Because frankly someone had to take a stand against the proliferation of California oak-laden Chardonnay. Thank you for replacing oak with butter. I thank you. My mother thanks you. Butter fans of the world thank you.

Bonterra and their organic practices are well-known and available at Trader Joe’s. They’re much too far north for me to travel at this point in my life, except for the fact that their wine is really quite good.

Heller Estates has a gracious tasting room in Carmel Valley and modern sex sculptures outside. Perhaps not all of the statues are of sex. Perhaps they’re just dancing elatedly. Still, nice Pinot Noir. Really nice pinot noir, if that can be said without sounding like Sideways.

The above descriptions are an example of why I should not write a wine column.

Here God is fighting a sea monster. Good thing He’s God, no? Good thing He’s a Big Boy. With a Big Stick. I’m sorry, “staff;” He carries a Big Staff. That’s right.

Are there words used in spirituality and religion that move you? Are there words that just tick you off?

The first time I heard of God in female language was probably in junior high when I read Merlin Stone’s When God was a Woman. It was indeed revelatory. It was like someone gave me a key to the gates of religion. Yes, soon I’ll try another overextension of metaphor. In any case, it’s probably not the most scholarly account of the feminine divine in history and lord knows there’s large groups of people who refute it, but the very possibility that there had been a feminine divine was a helpful notion to me.

I find most religious language problematic, particularly in formal settings like church. I prefer no talking at all, but this doesn’t happen too frequently in church.

Who wants to share issues of religious words that move us and religious words that don’t?

In Praise of the Goddess

I send out words in praise of the Goddess,
from whom all worlds flow.
Mystery of mysteries, this continual creation,
like a fountain forever bubbling up from the Earth’s darkness,
she is a cup that is never empty.
Generous One, eternally giving gifts,
I pray to you, I praise you,
I remember you throughout my day.

- Ceisiwr Serith

Pagan, appropriate for many faiths
source: “A Book of Pagan Prayer” © 2002 Ceisiwr Serith. Reprinted with permission of Red Wheel/Weiser

From Beliefnet’s Prayer of the Day