Surviving the Workday

A Song of Ascents

Out of the depths I cry to thee, O Lord!
Lord, hear my voice!
Let thye ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications!

If thou, O Lord, shouldst mark iniquities,
Lord, who could stand?
but there is forgiveness with thee,
that thou mayest be feared.

I wait fo rthe Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than wathmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with im is plenteous redemption.
And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.

- Psalms 130: 1-8 (RSV edition)

From Beliefnet’s Prayer of the Day

Ms. Theologian,

Ms. Variety Spice

Dear Ms. Variety Spice:

We all want variety and choices (Don’t I sound like a swinger?). We really do though.

When we remodeled our home, we were rapidly overwhelmed by the options, even for one room (let’s take the kitchen) and our budget. Type of stove? Color of paint? Type of flooring? Type of Cabinet? Placement of Cabinet? Type of Kitchen Island? Placement of Island? Wait, maybe not an island, but a long cabinet that is island-height. Wait, maybe not a long cabinet, but a shorter cabinet with an added on partition that would give us more flexible use of space. You see what I mean.

It makes me exhausted thinking about it.

Here is how we solved the problem. We figured out the higher principles that we wanted to address. We wanted a country home with natural furnishings that gave us the most use of space. Then we ranked those principles:

1. Country
2. Natural
3. Small

So if it wasn’t country we didn’t buy it. If it wasn’t natural we didn’t buy it. If it took up too much space, we didn’t buy it.

But what about if it was small, say a wire soap dish, but not country? Didn’t buy it. What if it was country, like a baker’s rack, but it was enormous? We still didn’t buy it.

You need to figure out what the higher principles are. You can even use this with your clients. What do you value? Your relationship with God? Your creative life? Your internal life? Your body and physical fitness? Your connections to other people? And then (goddess help us) you need to prioritize them.

1. Relationship with God.
2. Relationship with family and friends (who often function as family).
3. Creative life.
4. Physical fitness.
5. Internal life.
6. Work life.

Those are just examples.

So, if your choice is between going to work early or going to work out early, you figure out how it addresses your principles. If exercise is more important to you, then you exercise. If work is more important, then you work.

Yes, it’s not that simple, but you need to return to the higher principles over and over and over. This is why planners like Stephen Covey have you figure out your principles first.

Without knowledge of what is truly important to you, the choices for what to do and how to behave in life are endless and nothing could be more frustrating.

XO,

Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you would like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email with your problem described to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

Via Crucis continues as we blog through Holy Week.

Today is the day that we remember and honor Jesus’ crucifixion and his death. The pain and suffering has been described amply in the Stations of the Cross up to this point. He suffered, he fell three times, he was comforted, he was stripped, and finally, in the end, he was crucified.

I think it’s worth reflecting on the relief that death can bring. No matter if we don’t believe in God. No matter if we believe only in the humanity of Jesus. No matter if we believe in the divine spark within all of us.

This is the point in the week where we bear in mind that we will all journey home soon.

Read more about Stations 11 and 12 below.

Dear Ms. Theologian,

I hate my job. Should I quit or stay?

–Hates my Job

Dear He/She Who Phrases Things Simply,

This is the sort of question that I thought I liked. No complicated scenario to sort through, no Broomhilda the Heinous Coworker, no Money Issues raised. Just an either-or situation.

I could just say “Quit!” In fact, in my first draft, I did say just that.

But then I started thinking that sometimes when we want a certain answer, we phrase a question a certain way. For example,

Do you love me?
Do these jeans make my butt look big?
You’re paying, right?

Hence, my hesitation to answer your question simply. I’ll give you a theological answer.

At first glance in Kierkegaard’s Either/Or, we might think that he was claiming that all decisions are dichotomous. But alas he is not. Kierkegaard understood irony. It’s never either/or. It’s just that most of the time we can’t see a third or fourth or fifth option.

So should you quit your job? Maybe. Maybe you should embrace your job whole heartedly. Maybe you should develop a hobby that truly gives you pleasure. Maybe you should finish your novel (ahem). Maybe you should stop IMing at work so that you don’t have to stay late and hence hate it.

But it’s never Either/Or, ma chere,

-Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you would like to write a letter to Ms. Theologian relating spirituality and workplace issues, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

For blue of stream and blue of sky,
For pleasant shade of branches high,
For fragrant air and cooling breeze,
For beauty of the blooming trees,
Father in heaven, we thank Thee!

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Use the Prayer Finder at Beliefnet to find more prayers

I have fallen behind on the Stations of the Cross postings for Via Crucis. There are so many! What’s a Unitarian Universalist to do with so much suffering?

This seems like an apt time to make a distinction between pain and suffering in the context of Holy Week, but also in the context of our own lives.

There is an enormous amount of pain and suffering in the world, but I’m not convinced these are the same things. Suffering seems to involve great amounts of emotional as well as physical pain. Suffering is the feeling that we do not deserve this, that life is terribly unfair, and that the world is out to get us. Certainly before his crucifixion, Jesus must have been tempted to devote himself to these feelings.

In suffering we hold out for something else. Suffering says that we deserve a better job, a better partner, a higher status in life. Pain accepts that this is it, that this hurts, that our jobs, our relationships, our place in the world may indeed be painful.

How is your own pain different than your own suffering? What do you think you deserve?

marks the start of Passover, the celebration of the liberation of the Israelites from bondage in Egypt.

Tonight can be celebrated with a Seder dinner, including the reading of the story of liberation in the Passover Haggadah.

What is Passover?

Okay.

I can admit it. Holy Week has me down. It may be the gloomy weather or the reflections on abuse and suffering, but I think it’s a bit too much for me at this point. I’m taking a break.

You can read reflections of other bloggers on Stations of the Cross though who are in it for the long haul–all week long, my friends.

Ianua, Things of Infinite Importance, Argent by the Tiber, Best and Worst, Lofi Tribe, The Rest of the Story, Progressive Catholic, Holy Comforter, Trepanatus, and Cirque de Moi.

Dear Ms Theologian—

My husband has been offered a great job in a city that is closer to my family. The trouble is that my family and I are estranged because of some abuse issues. The idea of moving closer to them scares me, frankly, despite the fact that this is a good opportunity for my husband.

Scared of change

Dear Scared:

It strikes me that you may not be scared so much of change, but of abuse. If you have not seen a therapist to deal with the abuse issues, you should do so. She should be able to help you sort of these issues in terms of moving to a new city as well. You should also be clear with your husband as to why you are hesitant to move closer to your family ,if you haven’t done so.

One of these really tiring characteristics of abuse is that while the actual incidents may take place over only minutes, the effects may take place over many years. Because we can be so seriously influenced by past abuse, we need to address it head on and be aware that it is not something we can sweep under the carpet again and again. It always re-emerges. Always.

And keeping abuse a secret or not dealing with it allows the abuse to alienate us for ourselves in many ways, from others, and from our relationship with God.

I’m sorry that I can’t advise you more simply, but I see no way to move ahead with a decision without exploring the underlying issue more.

Be brave,

Ms. Theologian

If you would like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

I’m blogging with Via Crucis this week.

All posts will have to do with struggles in the modern workplace. I’m posing questions to you raised by the Stations of the Cross, Jesus’ journey toward death and ressurection that is celebrated this week.

Station 5 Simon of Cyrene carries the cross

Who accompanies you on your journey? Who helps you? Who are you helping?

Read Life of a Baby Priest, Annie, My Domestic Church, Martha2, Wanderings of a Postmodern Pilgrim, Only Wonder Understands, and Jimmy for more thoughts on Station 5 (it’s a popular one, no?)

Station 6 Jesus’ face is wiped by Veronica

Who comforts you in your time of need? Who do you comfort?

How is part of your burden removed through comfort? What part of your burden remains?

Read Crossroad Dispatches for another blog entry on Station 6.

Some bloggers are posting on all stations:

Ianua, Things of Infinite Importance, Argent by the Tiber, Best and Worst, Lofi Tribe, The Rest of the Story, Progressive Catholic, Holy Comforter, Trepanatus, and Cirque de Moi.

More than 30 interfaith spirituality and religion bloggers are posting their thoughts and impressions of the Stations of the Cross through Via Crucis.

It’s always interesting to see what different people do with the same starting material. Read their recent posts at their web sites:

Sententiae et Clamores
The Holy Comforter
Argent by the Tiber
Things of Infinite Importance
Wanderings of a Post Modern Pilgrim
Trinity Prep School
Ianua
Cirque de Moi
spoke: journal of christ
church geek
living on both ends

As you may know, I’m blogging this week with a group of religion and spirituality bloggers through Via Crucis. Today, we’re blogging about Stations 3 and 4 of the Stations of the Cross.

To quote Gary Wills, New Testament scholar, “The Gospels are scary, dark, and demanding. It is not surprising that people want to tame them, dilute them, make them into generic encouragements to be loving and peaceful and fair.”

The Stations of the Cross are not only as the journey that Jesus makes from condemnation to death to resurrection, but as the journey that we all make through life, full of moments of pain as well as joy.

His First Fall

How are you stumbling in your own life?

Where have you fallen in your own work in the world?

How have you recovered?

He Meets His Blessed Mother

Who nurtures you in the workday?

How do you nurture in the workday?

Who do you love with all your heart?

To read more posts about Stations 3 and 4, click here.

Gary Wills, a top-notch Biblical scholar, wrote an excellent article about Jesus and his views on the place of religion in politics in today’s New York Times.

In short, “There is no such thing as ‘Christian Politics,’ Wills writes. “If it is politics, it cannot be Christian.” Wills believes that Jesus was the original believer in the separate of church and state, “Let Caesar have what belongs to him, and God have what belongs to him (Matthew 22:21).”

Furthermore, Wills writes, “He (Jesus) is an apocalyptic figure who steps outside the boundaries of normal morality to signal that the Father’s judgment is breaking into history.

His miracles were not acts of charity but eschatological signs–accepting the unclean, promising heavenly rewards, making last things first….

The Gospels are scary, dark, and demanding. It is not surprising that people want to tame them, dilute them, make them into generic encouragements to be loving and peaceful and fair.”

I think it’s important during Holy Week not to simply accept what has become the everyday assumptions about what the Gospels mean. They mean far more.

Christ Among the Partisans

For Christians, Holy Week is the week before Easter. While Easter celebrates the resurrection of Jesus, Holy Week is devoted mostly to Jesus’ journey toward death.

I’m blogging with a group of religion and spirituality writers on Via Crucis.Because so much pain and suffering seems to go on in work lives, I’m focusing mostly on Holy Week and workplace issues. Today we’re blogging about the first two stations of the cross.

1. Jesus is condemned to death.

Being condemned to death is nothing new. It is the state of our our being. We are all condemend to death. There are no loopholes or outs. This is where you are going–somewhere in the ground, into the air, into the atmosphere around us. There is no way out.

Much of us spend our lives–both our play time, family time, and work time–avoiding this reality. That is one of the reason hearing about the deaths of others is so upsetting–we had almost forgetten that we were condemened to the same fate, perhaps not in the same way, but the same result.

Do you live your life with the knowledge that you are going to die?

Does your work life acknowledge this reality?

I wrote the above before the Gospel of Judas came out to the public. I think it provides the opportunity to deepen our awareness of Jesus’ attitude toward death.

For so many of us, we were taught that Judas betrayed Jesus. The opposite may be true: Jesus asked Judas to turn him over to the authorities. They colluded.

How does this change our attitudes toward death? The death of Jesus becomes not an act of betrayal, but an act of choice. Jesus may have sought to lose his earthly form. I don’t think we need to fear death as we do. If one of the great prophets of our time sought it, it may not be as bad as we fear.

2. The cross is laid upon him.

The cross becomes a physical burden for Jesus.

What burdens do you carry throughout the workday?

How can you alleviate your own suffering?

Dear Ms. Theologian:

–Envious from one cube over

Dear Envious:

I’ve come to believe that envy and jealousy are helpful signals from our brain. They tell us when someone else has something we want (and often something we think we deserve).

In your case, you’re jealous because someone else (and I’m not going to call her Broomhilda, I might go with Jane or Samantha or even Gertrude, but not Broomhilda) has what you want: children and promotions and possibly adoration.

What you really need to do is to humanize this woman. Having three small children and working full-time must be tough, if not impossible, but in your portrayal of her, her life seems effortless.

Look for clues that she’s human–this should help abate the jealousy. Because, trust me, she’s working incredibly hard, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s crying into her pillow at night for any number of internal conflicts that we all feel.

I’m going to let you in on a secret: we all have our own struggles. Life isn’t easy, not for kings and presidents, not for workers at Wal-Mart. None of it is easy. So everytime you have a twinge of jealousy, I want you to repeat this to yourself: She has her own struggles.

After you try to humanize her (continuously), you need to keep working on your own life. One of the challenges of working with fertility issues is that between the doctors appointments and planned sex, fertility tends to take over so that all you think about is whether the egg found the sperm (or vice versa).

Don’t let ivf rule your life. Go to the movies, plays, concerts. Keep reading, thinking, breathing, meditating. Don’t let the rest of your life crumble. That will make you more jealous.

-Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you would like to write to Ms. Theologian, send your problem in an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

I’m writing posts to do with Holy Week starting this Sunday until Easter. Hopefully I will be posting about the stations of the cross and the workday, but really who knows what will happen.

A group of religion and spirituality bloggers across religions will be posting too, which you can access through Via Crucis.

Hopefully, we can all acknowledge that many people believe the Bible to be a carefully collected, carefully edited manuscript that seeks to encourage some views and perceptions and discourage others.

The two versions in the Old Testament/Pentateuch of the creation story, for example, were intentionally left in by Ezra, the editor, to please different groups of people and alienate neither.

Now, it turns out there is a Gospel According to Judas, the most exciting find in at least 60 years, if not far longer. And this version of Judas is not the one who betrayed Jesus, but the one who collaborated with him as Jesus sought his own death. Passages in Mark allude to this, so it is not entirely surprising.

Gospel of Judas Surfaces After 1700 Years

Dear Ms. Theologian,

–Am I really the problem?

Dear Problem –

It sounds like the actual work is good, but that there is a significant lack of connection to your colleagues. For some people, this truly doesn’t matter. For others, it would be hell.

If you find that connecting is important to you, I see that you have three choices:

1. Find ways to connect with these folks (buy some hair spray? sleep with your boss? that was a joke….);
2. Find ways to connect strongly with people outside of work so work time is just part of a whole rich life of connection; or
3. Find a new job (People do find jobs in recessions; it’s just a bit harder).

One more thought–and this is only based on your letter and how you signed it–is it possible that the guy who makes fun of you is a bully?

I mean, yes, spending a lot of time in the bathroom with their hair is mildly annoying (though amusing) and the CEO sleeping with your manager is inappropriate (and setting himself up for a lawsuit by any number of people), but being constantly teased is just intolerable. That seems like something worth paying attention to.

If this is what the problem really is, (Does any of this behavior sound familiar?) this is something to spend some serious time thinking about and come up with some strategies to combat this.

Hope this helps,

–Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you’d like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email with your problem to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

Prayer for Kindness

Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity. Be fair in thy judgement, and guarded in thy speech. Be a lamp unto those who walk in darkness, and a home to the stranger. Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring. Be a breath of life to the body of humankind, a dew to the soil of the human heart, and a fruit upon the tree of humility.

- Bahá’u'lláh

Basics on Bahai from Beliefnet:

Dear Ms. Theologian,

Sleepless in New York

Dear Sleepless:

You have job satisfaction, but little money. And you’re considering trading the job satisfaction for money. This is the classic dilemma of many of the self-employed. It’s satisfying work and you have the best boss in the world (yourself), but the money is rarely regular.

Let me tell you a story.

Not so long ago, I had a job where I earned 50K. That was more money than some of my coworkers, but much less than many others who earned six figures. That made me jealous (Think of what I could do with that money! I could afford Kiss My Face lotion for my entire body, not just my face! I could buy new floors and pay someone else to put them in! I would look so well in a new wardrobe by Ann Taylor rather than wearing at least one-season behind! I could begin to think of retirement without guilt!)

But, let me tell you, boy oh boy, honey, did those folks earn those six figures. They were essentially Obedient Lap Dogs of Doom for the president of the organization. They worked 100+ hours a week while I usually put in 40-50. I was more of a neighborhood dog, just browsing, carousing, stopping by to help, but not sitting on the president’s lap savoring her sour breath and every divine word. At least not all the time.

So, in summary, there is a myth out there that some of these six figure jobs are easy and these folks have the time of their lives with unlimited Kiss My Face lotion. Sometimes that’s in fact what they tell you. But don’t be fooled–that job will become your life. And, if it isn’t your entire life? You’ll be “let go.”

However, let’s be clear on this: opportunities are good.

You have the opportunity to investigate. I would contact the recruiter, say that you are interested in exploring this further, set up an interview. That way you can evaluate in person if there are going to be job satisfaction issues.

What are the spiritual aspects to your query?

The search for self, the knowledge of self, is ultimately what separates those who are satisfied at work from those who are not. You know what is important to you in your work life. You identified it in your letter. You have enough self-knowledge to be hesitant about this opportunity and to investigate cautiously. But do investigate–one way or another it might be a business opportunity.

Thankfully,

Ms. Theologian

Ms. Theologian—

Weekends Ruined

Dear Ruined:

Coincidentally, Ms. Theologian is working this weekend.

Here’s how I look at it. Right now is a snapshot: I’m tired now, I don’t want to do this anymore, I’m ready to quit. But this feeling is a small snapshot of my life.

The snap shot, this frame, is part of a much longer film of my life. And this film has really great moments with beautiful views, kind people, and lovely animal companions–the kind of moments that make you weep with joy. And let me tell you about tulips. There are the biggest, reddish tulips that make you think that life couldn’t be so miraculous (and so full of pollen) in a home garden.

So if working weekends a snapshot, then you can survive it. But if you think of your life as a film and every shot, every single frame is you working weekends at your retail job, then, my friend, it is time for a change.

Practically speaking, you need to find a new way to approach your boss (Boss, my productivity might be improved if I had two days off in a row every once in a while to recharge and then I could take on this extra project. How about April 15 and 16? And how about Project X?) or present an alternative (Rose has agreed to fill in for me this weekend so I can have time off to recharge. I’m working her shift on Tuesday and Wednesday) or quit.

Remember that the best films aren’t all about tulips. There’s highs and lows. But without the lows, you would never notice the tulips.

Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you would like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com

P.P.S. Ms. Theologian recommends Heaven’s Gonna Be My Home by the Crooked Jades for times like these. And by “times,” she means any time.

Oh Lord, before I die,
Lord lift me up above the sickness
Show me a world cruel and senseless.
Must be a better world. Must be.