11th Apr 2006
Ms. Theologian contemplates abuse
Dear Ms Theologian—
My husband has been offered a great job in a city that is closer to my family. The trouble is that my family and I are estranged because of some abuse issues. The idea of moving closer to them scares me, frankly, despite the fact that this is a good opportunity for my husband.
Scared of change
Dear Scared:
It strikes me that you may not be scared so much of change, but of abuse. If you have not seen a therapist to deal with the abuse issues, you should do so. She should be able to help you sort of these issues in terms of moving to a new city as well. You should also be clear with your husband as to why you are hesitant to move closer to your family ,if you haven’t done so.
One of these really tiring characteristics of abuse is that while the actual incidents may take place over only minutes, the effects may take place over many years. Because we can be so seriously influenced by past abuse, we need to address it head on and be aware that it is not something we can sweep under the carpet again and again. It always re-emerges. Always.
And keeping abuse a secret or not dealing with it allows the abuse to alienate us for ourselves in many ways, from others, and from our relationship with God.
I’m sorry that I can’t advise you more simply, but I see no way to move ahead with a decision without exploring the underlying issue more.
Be brave,
Ms. Theologian
If you would like to write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.
