Filed under: notes
Dear Ms. Theologian…
I have had some long-awaited recent success in my career, as had my husband. We are embarking upon some very exciting changes with nothing but positive outcomes expected. However, I’m suddenly overcome with anxiety and fear, as if all our success is a sham, and we don’t really deserve it. It is having a negative affect on my mood, and straining my relationship with my husband. Do you have any spiritual advice for how to open oneself to success?
I could really use some
Yours,
Anxious in California
Dear Anxious:
It’s always shocking when long-awaited success shows up at the front door dressed up in a bright tuquoise mumu. You don’t know whether to give her a big hug because you’ve been waiting for her for years or to shut the door again because she’s not really what you expected. Either seems equally scary.
Let’s deal with the issue of deservedness first and get that out of the way. You may or may not deserve it. (I’m going to pretend I don’t know that you do. You do.) Regardless we all get things we don’t deserve throughout our lives and have to deal with them the best we can. So it doesn’t really matter if you deserve it. You got it, baby.
So let’s focus on how to seize this success, shall we? Here’s my advice: pretend that you deserve it. Pretend that you can embrace it. Pretend you know what to do with this success. Tell your friends, have a party, buy yourself something you’ve been eyeing. Regardless of how you celebrate, find a time and a space to honor the hard work that you’ve put into getting to this place in your career.
Embracing success may be pretend at first, but if you can fake it temporarily, you brain will catch up to your body. It seems like your brain is just used to it’s normal state of trying to make it and has trouble getting used to the made it.
I’m struck by the fact that suggesting “taking things you may or may not deserve” and “faking it” may not, in fact, be “spiritual advice,” so let me backtrack for a second to two important ideas:
1. Fulfilled work lives are generally governed by higher principles that we think are important. Remind yourself of what those are. Here are some samples (creativity, love, helping others, helping the world–those are ones I like, but here are some more popular ones–money, taking all you can before you die, and screwing others). Rediscover what is truly important to you and connect to it to this success.
2. Anxiety can be managed with drugs, exercise, or meditation. Some of these are easier options than others. I suggest starting a meditation practice or deepening the one that you have. This will quiet that jumpy little monkey mind that gets excited by the big future ahead.
Congratulations and Om,
Ms. Theologian
P.S. If you would like to write to Ms. Theologian, send your problem in an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.