30th Mar 2006
Ms. Theologian remarks on jumping into the boss’s lap
Dear Ms. Theologian:
I’m in love with my boss. He doesn’t know how I feel. He’s happily married with two adorable tykes. I haven’t idealized him at all; I know his strengths (he’s kind, he’s loving, he’s considerate) and weaknesses (he’s always late, he wants to please others too much, he has a lot of debt).
It just kills me to work with him and maintain my self-control and not leap over his desk and into his lap and you know the rest.
Love Struck in Long Beach
Dear Love Struck:
You need a new job. Seriously.
But first you need to do a little self-reflection. What attracts you to your boss? His kindness? His considerateness? His devotion to his wife and the tykes, perhaps? Try to identify why you are attracted to him because it will probably reveal a void in your own life.
One of the challenges of love (or even a crush) is that it tends to blind us to the consequences, so I think you have to do a little thought-experiment here. Imagine yourself jumping the desk, landing in his lap, and him shrieking. Yes, indeed, it might not go well, but let’s pretend it does and he welcomes you into his arms. Imagine the family waiting for him at home and the tykes asking, “Where’s Daddy?” Imagine how his debt increases as he tries to impress you with flowers and hide his credit card purchases from his wife. Imagine how his front lawn grows out of control, producing only dandelions because he’s out with you on Saturday rather than doing chores. Play this all out in your head. Whenever you see hot sex, think STD. Whenever you see yourself with him, consider that he’s abandoning his family. Mmm…adultery. Sexy. (That was sarcasm).
Now you need to find a new job. It’s easier to do than you might think. Somehow I think you’ll have a glowing recommendation from him.
And finally then you need to address the void in your own life so that your own life is rich and full and complete. I don’t mean you need to find a man, but I do think that if you were actively dating, exercising, gardening, bowling, painting, fishing, or whatever you please, you would not find the time to try and fill your life with someone else’s husband.
Don’t jump over any desks, please,
Ms. Theologian
To write to Ms. Theologian, send an email with your question to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.
