Surviving the Workday

Dear Ms. Theologian,

Where does my responsibility end?

Dear Where does my responsibility end?:

In short, your management responsibility for this person does seem to have ended. But your mentorship responsibility may only be beginning. And this is something that can take as much or as little time as you want to devote to it.

You have the opportunity to help someone improve her workplace skills. I hope you seize it.

In general, when we are speaking a language other than our native tongue, we benefit from seeing graphs, charts, or anything that helps make something visual. Also, you may find that if she uses more visual methods to communicate with others, she may find that she can make a point more clearly. And who doesn’t love a nice histogram, eh? Joke. But graphs, flow charts, tables–these help all of us to communicate better, providing they are well done.

As you probably recall from language classes in high school, when we hear things rephrased, reworded, and simplified in another language, this generally helps us. It will probably help when you work with her if you stress how she may need to explain something to coworkers in multiple ways, not as an annoyance, but if it seems like they are not comprehending what she is saying. She may want to practice this ahead of time, before meetings and important presentations.

She might also benefit from role playing with you as a coworker and her as herself attempting to communicate. Again, who doesn’t love a good role play. I’ll be the cheerleader and you can be…anyway, joke.

I’ve had a number of mentors and benefited greatly. I think you will find that it is mutually beneficial, both on a practical level by creating a more satisfied and happy employee (even if you’re not immediately supervising her) and spiritually because you are finding a way to use your skills to address the needs of others.

–Ms. Theologian

P.S. If you wish to write to Ms. Theologian, send your problem off in an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com. And she loves updates. That Ms. Theologian just loves to know how people are doing months later!

In Christian-lingo, Intercessory Prayer is when you pray on behalf of someone for divine intervention. This is often what people mean when they say, “I’ll pray for you,” when someone is going through a difficult time.

In the largest study of its kind, researchers have found that intercessory prayer played out less than positively in the field. In the Study: Praying Won’t Affect Heart Patients patients who knew they were being prayed for by strangers had a slightly higher risk of complications during heart surgery.

With any scientific study, there are a number of variables. Some might find the idea of prayer from strangers to be comforting (I mean, I’d prefer I knew the people who pray for me), but others might find it a bit freaky.

But this was very legitimate research, co-investigated by Dr. Herbert Benson of Harvard, who is about as reputable in mind-body research as you can get. I’m actually re-reading his book Beyond the Relaxation Response now.

Easter is coming and that means it’s time for the cuter than cute display of what makes a family for the White House Easter Egg Hunt.

And Soulforce, PFLAG, Metropolitan Community Churches, and more really cool organizations have planned Family Pride Day as well. They
plan to get tickets for GLBT families to participate in the White House Easter Egg Hunt. And they welcome everyone.

Ms. Theologian–

Lost

Dear Lost:

I’m really sorry to hear about your father. There is a great sense of totally aloneness and abandonment that many people feel after the death of a parent and I’m really sorry that you may be there now.

Please see your doctor and have a depression screening. Your doctor may advise that you see a therapist and/or suggest an antidepressant. There are options out there, but once brains get into this particular funk sometimes they need a jumpstart to get undepressed. Sometimes depression occurs with a trigger (like a death), sometimes not. Please see your doctor.

There are other things which you should do after that:

You don’t mention exercise, but there are some studies in which exercise is as effective as antidepressants for alleviating depression. I’m not suggesting skipping anything your doctor says, but I am suggesting that some movement might help, preferably something fun.

You mention skipping meals and then what amounts to a TV dinner. Try eating fresh foods regularly (like 3 or 4 times a day). Bodies really don’t run well on processed crap or on nothing at all.

From your description of your life, you are entirely alone. I’m not sure if you’ve left out a significant other or if you really are alone. Find ways to connect to your coworkers, friends, and family. Please find a way to reach out to others. Company can help.

Although it would be easy to think that your job is the problem, I think you should refrain from making any major decisions without getting a more objective opinion, probably from a doctor or therapist. If you are depressed, you may not want to shift jobs until you address the depression issues.

Finally, although you could have received most of the advice above from any advice columnist (or any blogger), I would like to add one thing:

Find your Truth.

Without having a clear idea of what is important to you (god, work, love, companionship, kindness, empathy, connectionetc.), it is really impossible to sustain a work life because it’s not clear why you are working. What do you think is truly important in life? How are you working toward that everyday? These are important questions and it’s important to take your responses seriously. You may not be able to answer these questions immediately, but spend some time getting to know yourself. You may surprise yourself.

-Ms. Theologian

P.S. To write to Ms. Theologian, send an email to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

Dear Ms. Theologian:

Love Struck in Long Beach

Dear Love Struck:

You need a new job. Seriously.

But first you need to do a little self-reflection. What attracts you to your boss? His kindness? His considerateness? His devotion to his wife and the tykes, perhaps? Try to identify why you are attracted to him because it will probably reveal a void in your own life.

One of the challenges of love (or even a crush) is that it tends to blind us to the consequences, so I think you have to do a little thought-experiment here. Imagine yourself jumping the desk, landing in his lap, and him shrieking. Yes, indeed, it might not go well, but let’s pretend it does and he welcomes you into his arms. Imagine the family waiting for him at home and the tykes asking, “Where’s Daddy?” Imagine how his debt increases as he tries to impress you with flowers and hide his credit card purchases from his wife. Imagine how his front lawn grows out of control, producing only dandelions because he’s out with you on Saturday rather than doing chores. Play this all out in your head. Whenever you see hot sex, think STD. Whenever you see yourself with him, consider that he’s abandoning his family. Mmm…adultery. Sexy. (That was sarcasm).

Now you need to find a new job. It’s easier to do than you might think. Somehow I think you’ll have a glowing recommendation from him.

And finally then you need to address the void in your own life so that your own life is rich and full and complete. I don’t mean you need to find a man, but I do think that if you were actively dating, exercising, gardening, bowling, painting, fishing, or whatever you please, you would not find the time to try and fill your life with someone else’s husband.

Don’t jump over any desks, please,

Ms. Theologian

To write to Ms. Theologian, send an email with your question to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com.

But she thinks that all work-related problems must have gone away this spring. No matter–she can call on people if things get really slow.

Doesn’t everyone love an article with a number of steps in it?

Create your own miracles (in eight steps!) deals with a way to create an opportunity to experience a miracle. This seems like an attitude that would work well at work. It’s creative, essentially as you create the opportunity. Let me know if it works for you.

Tips for creating a miracle include:

Be very clear.
Expect the best.
Let go of fear.
Open your mind to all possibilities.
See yourself as you want to be.
Keep the power.
Do what needs to be done by you.
Pray. Pray often. Prayer works.

The United Church of Christ (UCC) has had a second commercial rejected by major networks, including ABC, CBS, NBC, WB, and Fox.

The “controversial” commercial features a black woman, gay couple, middle eastern man, and elderly man with a walker being ejected from church. It’s nicknamed the Ejector. The message says, “God doesn’t reject people. Neither do we.”

I’m so glad that major networks think it’s okay to glamorize violence, underage sex, and totally crappy food but think it’s not okay to comment on religious conservatism and bigotry.

Bob Chase, director of Communication for the UCC, asks, “When was the last time you saw a mainline progressive religious leader on TV?

Never, I’d say.

Here’s the commercial (I can’t see it, but I can hear it):

The UCC’s have a web site dealing with their commercial, Accessible Airwaves.

Second UCC ad rejected as too controversial

Are you happy? Do you think most people around you are happy? What about most people in your state or country?

Traditionally, economists have measured happiness in terms of income or in terms of spending power. On a larger scale, this translates into gross national product (gdp). But does how much you earn measure your happiness?

Carol Graham in At What Cost Happiness? in Science and Spirit describes how happiness is being measured.

This new line of research highlights the importance of looking at factors other than income when gauging well-being. Broadening the investigative scope will allow us to answer questions about societal, cultural, and physiological elements that may limit happiness, such as pervasive inequality, persistent violence, and emotional disorders—factors that fall outside the predictive powers of traditional economic indicators.

How would you measure happiness?

I’ve been trained as a chaplain and had always heard that there was a market for chaplains in corporate America.

This excerpt from Chaplains in the Workplace in Science and Theology News details the role of the chaplain.

“Among the typical types of services a workplace chaplain can provide to an employee is financial and debt counseling, marriage counseling, and alcohol and substance abuse counseling,” said Dwayne Reece, vice president of Corporate Chaplains of America based in Wake Forest, N.C. “Workplace chaplains are also trained to intercede if domestic abuse is suspected and provide help, if needed and asked for, to the victims.”

It sounded like a good part-time job for me, but after some investigation of the Corporate Chaplains of America on their application during which I found out that I would have to detail my conversion experience and the transforming experience of Jesus Christ in my life (as well as abstaining from alcohol), I decided to keep the writing gigs.

Have I mentioned that if I get divorced I lose my job with them? Now, I’m not getting divorced, but isn’t that totally UN-CHRIST-LIKE to take your job away when you’re going through some personal trauma?! I think so.

Such a good idea. Such poor execution.

There are so many of you. Like all of my friends and companions (other than my dog, who is a Unitarian Universalist, like her mother).*

And you’re not going back to church, are you? Mais non! You were Catholic and now you are, as we say in the field of religious demographic research, “unchurched.”

Research from the Barna Institute suggests that 3 out of 10 unchurched people are former Catholics, which is the largest sub-group of any denomination.

Just to put this into perspective, there are just as many unchurched folks in the U.S. as there are baby boomers. And we know how many baby boomers there are (77 million!). And if my math is correct, if 3 out of 10 of the unchurched are formerly Catholic, that makes about 23 Million lapsed Catholics in the United States.

Mon Dieu! You are a religion unto yourselves.

*Please understand that at least half of my religious heritage is from the Lapsed Catholic side of the family, which became Episcopal after an unpleasant dealing with a priest 80 years ago, and then later Unitarian Universalist, and now is thoroughly and completely unchurched. The other side of the family is lapsed Greek Orthodox and now is in academia, a religion unto itself.

Did you know today is Khordad Sal, the birthday of the prophet Zoroaster? It’s a holiday celebrated by wondering about your life and actions. Zoroastrianism is the first monotheistic tradition in the world.

More about Khordad Sal from Surf India:

Origin of Khordid Sal
Exact year of Zarathushtra’s birth is not known, but commonly acknowledged that he was born in the beginning of the first millennium BC. So the celebration is marked symbolically. In the past, the king and nobility, observed Khordad Sal as Navroz-I-Khas. On this day, many historic events of Iran are believed to have happened. Years later, it is observed as Zarathushtra’s birthday.

Celebrating Khordid Sal
Parsis wear new clothes, the house is cleaned and decorated with rangolis, fragrant flowers are arranged and delicious meals are also prepared. The ritual of Jashan, or thanksgiving prayers are offered at the temples.. A grand feast is prepared to mark the occasion..

In India, since the Parsi community is a well-knit religious society, Khordid Sal serves as an ocassion for kiths and kins to get together. Also, an opportunity for the Parsis to ponder about their lives and actions, and to make certain ‘good’ changes in the future.

For more about Zoroastrianism, click here.

The Four Immeasurables

May all living beings have happiness and the causes of happiness;
May all living beings be free from misery and the causes of misery;
May all living beings never be separated from happiness, devoid of misery;
May all living beings abide in equanimity free from prejudicial attachments and aversions.

- The Buddha

is taking questions again.

Send your work-related questions to ms dot theologian at gmail dot com. And, yes, I do dress like that. But only while ice skating.

Or simply completing boring work.

I’ve been trying to research this, but have found nothing about how to get through repetitive work. And we all know that most work if done often enough is repetitive.

I’ve found that breaking a task into small parts and setting goals in terms of time for each part helps.

I’ve also found that rewards help, even if it’s something as simple as reading another blog or the newspaper.

Other ideas?

Be kind to the animals, particularly if they are your coworkers (non-human and human).

Prayer for Animals

Hear our humble prayer, O God, for our friends the animals,
especially for animals who are suffering;
for animals that are overworked, underfed and cruelly treated;
for all wistful creatures in captivity that beat their wings against bars;
for any that are hunted or lost or deserted or frightened or hungry;
for all that must be put death.
We entreat for them all Thy mercy and pity,
and for those who deal with them we ask a heart of compassion
and gentle hands and kindly words.
Make us, ourselves, to be true friends to animals,
and so to share the blessings of the merciful.

- Albert Schweitzer

According to Barbara Ehrenreich (who wrote Nickel and Dimed, an excellent book) in Those Corporate Homewreckers, there are two types of employers who are ruining this country:

I’m thinking of two categories of employers, which often overlap: 1) Those who don’t pay enough for their employees to live on, thus forcing them to work second jobs, and 2) those who abuse their salaried employees with expectations of 10 or more hours of work per day. Apparently there are more and more such anti-family employers, as Americans now surpass even the famously workaholic Japanese in annual hours on the job….

…All variety of things suffer when work expands to fill evenings and weekends — health, for example, and citizenly participation. How can you frame an opinion on the issues if you never get a chance to read or have long discussions with friends?

But families — and especially children — take the worst hit. It’s just not possible to be a responsible and responsive parent or spouse if your work leaves you with barely enough time to shower.

Sadly, I think many of us have had both types of employers.

Thanks to Ann, aka Granny for the post.

It’s really not that complicated. Without respect, human relationships have nowhere to go. They devolve into all sorts of bad behavior, particularly in the workplace.

Today I had an appointment with an orthopedist to look at my wrist. The details of my wrist are extremely boring, even to myself (and I enjoy a good x-ray, if I do say so).

I arrived at 3:25 p.m. for a 3:30 appointment. I signed forms, I filled out medical information, I gave them my delictable x-rays. And then I waited. And waited.

Soon, I was able to determine that the filled waiting room was full of people with wrists in braces, splints, and casts. All waiting for the same doctor. All waiting before me.

I learned the details of the other injuries (don’t pick up a block of marble, whatever you do, and watch out for car doors).

I watched as a toddler learned a word (I have condensed this “lesson” from 30 minutes to 30 seconds):

Mommy: Pick up the backpack, backpack, backpack.
Toddler: (silence)
Mommy: Pick up the backpack, backpack, backpack. Pick it up for mommy. Backpack, backpack, backpack.
Toddler: (silence)
Mommy: Backpack, backpack, Mommy loves you, pick up the backpack.
Toddler: Bok-bok.

Two children played loud video games nearby. Other children played tag. And all of the parents talked on their cell phones discussing the idiotic things that people discuss on cell phones: prom chaperoning, weekends at Mammoth, and dinner.

And then I learned the detail that clinched it for me: the doctor was running two hours late. This, I learned from another patient, not the receptionist, not the assistant, and god forbid, not the doctor. And so I left the doctor’s office (grabbing my x-rays on the way out).

Enough is enough.

“Do you want to reschedule?”

Uhm. Let me see. No. Bok-bok.

Jay Walljasper writes in It’s Not Sexy Being Green

Sooner or later every idealist, activist and anyone else interested in changing the world comes face to face with a hard fact: Most people aren’t idealists and activists. There are only a few Gandhis and Rosa Parkses in the world at any one time.

It’s not that people don’t care about a more equitable society and a greener planet. They do—quite a lot. But they’re preoccupied with making a living, caring for their families and, in the time left over, having some fun.

Given the choice between going dancing or sitting through a meeting about toxic waste, the majority of folks from Alaska to Zimbabwe are headed straight to the dance.

He writes of the importance of fun, something that is too easy to forget about but integral to staying young, being happy, and even being productive in the long-term. How do you have fun at work?

Why not revamp your thinking about work on the Spring Equinox?

Have you ever listened to your self-talk during the workday?

If you’re like most people, you’ll find that you may be your own worst enemy.

“Oh God, I should have started this weeks ago. This will never get done. I don’t have enough time or energy to deal with it…hey, is there chocolate stashed in my desk?”

That just randomly came to me. Let’s pretend it’s someone else’s self-talk for now.

Once you’ve identified that you may have a problem with negative self-talk, you can take concrete steps to correct it.

1. When you hear negative self-talk, correct it. Rather than, “Oh God, I should have started this weeks ago” use “Oh God, I’m finally starting this project. It’s good that I’m taking the bull by the reins.” Or some less bull-driven metaphor.

2. Write affirmations (positive self-talk). Use the present tense and “I” rather than the future tense and “you” or calling yourself names.

3. Make each afirmation matter by making is short and to the point. Repeat regularly. Here are some examples:

I deserve to feel good.
I am healthy and strong.
I have unique abilities and talents.
I take care of myself.
I feel safe and confident.
I deserve to enjoy time to myself.
I can make a difference.
I am a good friend.
I am willing to take risks to grow and change.
I am a good person, mistakes and all.
I am worthy and capable.

Give it a shot. You deserve it.

The return of light to days of darkness has been celebrated for thousands of years in just about every religion in some way.

Spring equinox (also known as vernal equinox) is the point when the amount of light during the day equals the amount during the night. Symbolically, this is a time of rebirth (Conceive now and birth on winter solstice!), fertility, and growth.

Read more about spring equinox celebrations in many different religions.