Dear Ms. Theologian,

The head of our company acts like a crass, frat boy. Recently they had an advertisement that was very offensive to me as a woman and as a Christian. Any suggestions on how to deal with him? He doesn’t really give any regard to the HR woman who I have also shared my objections with.

–Sick of frat boy antics

Dear Sick,

A long time ago, when I trained to be a geologist at field camp (a remote location in Montana with 12 men for every woman), one man insisted on wearing a particularly offensive T-shirt. The T-shirt advertised his fraternity and showed a large well-hung Squirrel-Man dragging off two drunk Squirrel-Women (presumably to go feed them acorns).

It had any number of rape-connotations, not to mention alcohol-abuse. Every woman at field camp was offended, we talked to him, we talked to those in charge. What happened? He wore the T-shirt more often.

What is the point? This was a pervasively misogynistic culture, which was not amenable to change. Certainly not from us. This sort of culture wears you down. It’s gradual. You don’t even notice it. And all of a sudden you’re deeply depressed and can only conceive of yourself as an about-to-be-raped-drunk-squirrel. The solution was to get out.

Is that the case in your workplace? I’m not so sure. I do know that culture is very hard to change, especially when those in charge maintain a fratboy mentality.

What can you do to change this culture? You need to try and balance your sense of justice with self-care. See if any of these options make sense for you.

1. Read up on what constitutes a hostile work environment. Consider if there are any other elements in your workplace that contribute to a hostile work environment. Think deeply about this. It’s a serious question.

3. Consider talking to the HR person again and framing your inquiry around questions based on your research rather than just concerns about the advertisement. If you do determine that there is a hostile work environment in place, there are any number of legal concerns that she should take seriously.

4. Consider aligning yourself with a sympathetic male at work and others who share your concerns. Consider asking this person to approach the management about the advertisment.

Good luck with this. My thoughts are with you,

–Ms. Theologian