Surviving the Workday

Ursula Goodenough has integrated her life’s work as a biologist into a religious orientation, that of a religious naturalism.

I can live my life to minimize suffering and promote as much as good as I can, and try through whatever work I do to help others. We can’t get around death, but we can get around poverty. We can try to avoid women being brutalized. We can curb environmental degradation.

One can start from the perspective of a religious naturalist or from the perspective of the world religions and arrive at the same place: a moral imperative that this Earth and its creatures be respected and cherished.

Interview with Ursula Goodenough

This Wednesday is the shortest day of the year and the longest night of the year, the Winter Solstice.

Starhawk reflects on grief and renewal at the Solstice and what she’ll be doing this Solstice.

The Solstice has much to teach us about grief. At Solstice, we descend into the dark. We can allow ourselves to face those emotions and impulses we generally keep hidden. We can feel the pain and touch the depths, for we know that the time will soon come to rise again, that darkness is always followed by increasing light. Solstice teaches us that everything is a cycle, a dynamic process, and no end is ever final.

Grief can lead us to create other losses. We put aside the pain of our lost friend, and then forget where we parked the car and spend hours in frantic searching. We hold ourselves together when we receive the layoff notice, and then cannot find our wallet, or become distraught over a forgotten bag of groceries.

Grief takes time. A life loss is not something we recover from in a day, or a week. A major loss will throw us into at least a year of acute mourning, for we must experience an entire cycle, every holiday and marked date, without the loved one, and grief afresh.

At daybreak if the weather is fine, I go into the garden. This time of day is very special to me. The sky is clear, I see the stars and I have this special feeling of my insignificance in the cosmos, the realization of what we Buddhists call impermanence.

From “Words of Wisdom: 2005 Calendar” courtesy of Andrews McMeel Publishing. Copyright © 2004 by Margaret Gee.

More thoughts from the Dalai Lama about the impermanence of life

Biography of His Holiness

It seems like the holiday season has kicked into high gear (and by “holiday season” I mean preparations for multiple holidays). It’s natural to feel down at this time of year.

Ten Ways to Beat the Holiday Blues

This seems to have been a particularly difficult (i.e. shitty) week for a bunch of different people, so please consider doing this meditation. It’s something that you complete while seated with your eyes closed. The narration is Real Player. It’s only 7 minutes, and I can almost guarantee that your energy will change positively.

Meditation of Lovingkindness

May all beings live in safety. Be happy. Be healthy. Live with ease.

Dear Ms. Theologian —I work the third shift, 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. Everyone I work with gets along well, but often the person who replaces me is late. Just 5 or 10 or 15 minutes, but it’s still late, and man, I’m tired and want to go home. We joke about it. “Hey, you’re late, ha, ha. “Yeah, ha, ha, traffic, you know….” The boss is never around at that hour. Should I tell on my coworker?

Dear Sleepyhead –

When you find yourself using language like “tell on my coworker” it’s time for a maturity-check.

Ms. Theologian thinks that you should speak to the coworker directly, honestly, and explain how the lateness affects you. You should only “tell” your boss as a last resort.

Promptly,

Ms. Theologian

A while back, Kristie asked for recommendations on where to shop. While reading The Vegetarian Times, I came across a site that can help Idealswork, which rates companies on the conditions you select (animal-welfare, gay-lesbian issues, women’s issues, nuclear energy, etc).

Dear Ms. Theologian:I’ve befriended one of my coworkers. We have a daily ritual of going to lunch together. Two other people in the office always see us go off at the same time for lunch. I feel bad because recently one of them asked me if we were going to lunch and I said no. Of course, we were, but I still feel bad because I didn’t want to eat with them (or worse, get into the habit of eating with them every day).

Dear Hungry,

Ms. Theologian does not perceive that you are obligated to spend your lunch hour with people you don’t like. But by meeting your befriended coworker in the office, you are creating a scene in which the other coworkers are obviously left out. That’s unkind.

A compromise? Invite the other coworkers every once in a while to lunch with you two. Meet your friend out of the office the rest of the time on a daily basis.

Glad she lunches alone,

Ms. Theologian

Boston.com features a collection of essays called View from the Cube.

It did not make me want to work in Boston (check out Dealing with the New Boss Blues), except for this essay, When the Office is as Comforting as Home.

Dear Ms. Theologian:It has recently come to my attention that my boss reads my personal emails. I know this because when she misread one of them and thought I had taken a day off for reasons other then I’d stated. When I asked her why she’d think that, she told me she’d read my email. And THEN she continued to discuss other personal matter of mine she’d read through my email.

Dear Violated:

Ms. Theologian understands that you feel violated, but you need to stop emailing anything that isn’t work related from work.

You have no privacy on the phone, in voicemail, in email, and on your screen. If you can’t do that, your options seem to be:

1. Talk to your boss about this. You say she’s crazy and you might lose your job though.

2. Talk to your boss’s boss about this. You might also lose your job this way though.

3. Try to find another job (within the company or outside of the company).

4. Find an internal way to reconcile this. We like this solution the best.

Ms. Theologian, for example, would delight in writing all emails as if her boss would read them.

“Dear Prudence: My boss looked especially stylish in her tweed skirt. It was so 1970s, but so now!”

Sounds crazy, no? Sometimes Ms. Theologian finds that the sane among us must go undercover to survive in the modern workplace.

Peace,

–Ms. Theologian

You have none.

But at least you don’t have your employer inspecting your home. Apparently Henry Ford used to. Nice.

Dear Ms. Theologian:How does one while working at home resist the temptation to surf the net all day? I still get all my work done. Should I even resist?

Dear SurferGrl:

Ah, temptation.

If you are using an internet connection provided by your employer or monitored by your employer, you must resist this temptation. You have no privacy there. You know this.

If you are using your own private internet connection, Ms. Theologian has no problem with surfing (if you get your work done).

There are many temptations to resist: online porn, cheesecake, velour, breast implants, azaleas….but surfing while working productively at home isn’t one of them.

–Ms. Theologian

Jordan reminded me how important it is to connect.

And Dr. Weil often has kind, helpful things to say (though I hear that other times he suggests stuffing garlic in your ears) about ways to connect (with nature, animals, others, God, peanut butter, whatever): Eight Ways to Connect to Others

Dear Ms. Theologian:

At the moment I work as a part-time temp secretary, while I try to decide which direction to take in my life. I left an organisation where I had been happy and was appreciated because the job was expanding and I was more or less being expected to work full time.

Another temp took my place and we said that we should have lunch sometime, and had in fact booked a day. The day before the lunch I got a call on my mobile from my ex-boss saying that the temp was going to be let go at the end of the week for various reasons, and would I return with a guaranteed four day week. The temp knew nothing about this.

The job suits me, I like the place, they’ve met my terms, so I said yes for a month trial period.

I cancelled the lunch because I couldn’t face knowing what I knew and not being able to tell her. I feel guilty, complicit in her downfall, lacking in solidarity, though I know I’m not, and dreading an accusatory phone call from her.

What should I do? Try and make contact with her and explain I had nothing to do with her departure? Let sleeping dogs lie? And why do I feel so guilty?

–Anonymous

Dear Anonymous –

While Ms. Theologian thinks that the standard career advice would be to just move on, she has a question for you:

If you were in her shoes, what would you like to have happen?

Yes, The Golden Rule.

If Ms. Theologian were in this situation, she would not mind receiving a carefully crafted letter expressing your deep sense of regret that she was laid-off and extending an offer to lunch (you should pay, btw, you are the one with the job).

As far as guilt goes, Ms. Theologian can only speculate. Perhaps you see that you have the ability to alleviate some of her suffering? Perhaps you see that you could have warned her? Perhaps you see that you are benefiting from her loss?

One of the challenges in our society is that we are discouraged from connecting to others. Consider if you were in her shoes how you might want to be treated. After the sting of being laid-off has faded, she might welcome contact. She might not. But you are in a better position of taking the first step.

–Ms. Theologian

It seems to me that careful spending of your money at places that support your values is one way to take your sense of spirituality (i.e., your sense of connection to the world around us, to other human beings, and to God) out into the world.

Here’s some information worth considering if you’re doing any purchasing with your hard earned dollars. Scroll down for violations of human rights, environmental principles, reallocation of funds in directions you’d be surprised, and much, much more

Philip Morris
Exxon
Nike
McDonald’s
Monsanto
General Electric
Sara Lee
Gap
Nestle

Dear Ms. Theologian:I work for a nonprofit that has been approached by a big fast food chain to help us with a fundraiser. We desperately need the money and they are willing to give us a portion of their profits if we staff the place for the night. I’m hesitating to agree to this because of things I’ve heard about them. On the other hand, we need the money. What would you do?

Dear Hungry,

Ms. Theologian assumes you have researched their corporate record. Not that you said McDonalds, but, for example, check out McDonald’s Corporate Record including human rights abuses, descriptions of unsafe workplaces, union busting, environmental debauchery, and many other dirty deeds. I assume these are issues your nonprofit would seek to change and not to support.

Corporations listen to money. Ms. Theologian suggests finding another restaurant to host a fundraiser, preferably a small locally-owned business. Then write a thoughtful letter to your fast food restaurant explaining why you aren’t going to accept their generous help. Don’t spend your hard earned money at places that don’t support your values.

–Ms. Theologian

Dear Ms. Theologian:I have a coworker who brings her problems to work. She’s loud on the phone dealing with babysitters and kids, loud in other people’s cubicles complaining about her life, and just plain loud. How do I deal with her?

Dear Cowering:

It seems to me that you have an opportunity to act with grace here. And by grace, Ms. Theologian does not mean sanctification by God, but acting with kindness and dignity.

Yes, some coworkers are annoying. We know that. We can name names.

But someone is clearly suffering LOUDLY and you have the ability to either listen actively or try to tune her out. Sometimes Ms. Theologian has noticed that people speak loudly when they fear that they are not being heard. Try actually listening to her. And let her know that you hear her. And listen to her response. Ms. Theologian bets it is not as loud.

Quietly,

–Ms. Theologian

Ms. Theologian:Every year I organize a Christmas tree ornament party at work for a tree in our employee lounge. I love decorating, but remarks from a few coworkers make me think that I may not be that sensitive. I’m calling it a holiday tree, anyway. What do you think?

Dear Full:

Just so you know, Ms. Theologian isn’t keen on “the holidays,” a phrase which tries to lump a bunch of end of the year holidays that don’t have a lot in common together. For Christians, Christmas is a big deal (note the similarity between Christ-mas and Christ-ians). Do you know of any other modern world religions that encourage chopping a tree down and cover it with strings of dried pasta and ornaments from egg cartons? It’s a Christmas tree. So stop with the “holiday tree” nonsense.

As far as decorating goes, Ms. Theologian tends to do exuberant things until people ask her to stop. So decorate away. But try not to mutter things like, “If you just accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, then you’d get to go to heaven and celebrate too!” or “God, isn’t it so great that we ALL have holidays at the end of the year? It’s like we’re all one big Christian family!” That pisses people off. Big time.

Merry Christmas,

Ms. Theologian

Are You a Lion or a Witch?

Unlike the holiday cartoons quiz, I actually passed this one.

Researchers have found that reflecting on your values before undertaking a stressful activity can significantly affect your level of stress. In the study, college students who reflected on values they had identified as important to them were less likely to see a rise in cortisol.

This seems especially relevant to the workplace, a place in which we often engage in stressful activities.

Consider spending some time reflecting on your values before your next stressful activity. Can you identify values that are important to you?

Psychological Study: Reduce your stress, reflect on your values

Dear Ms. Theologian:

I can’t help but be annoyed by the frenzied pace this time of year. All I hear my coworkers talk about is gifts they bought online and planning the spouse-required-to-attend-holiday-party. It seems like everyone is so earnestly pursuing something, but what?

I feel left out and slow.

–Unaware in Urbana

Dear Unaware,

Ms. Theologian does not know what people are so earnestly pursuing this year, but she suspects it is a Bratz Remote Control Cruiser or possibly King Kong 14” Action Figure.

That is to say that people get “caught up in the spirit of the season” and that often translates to “gone completely bonkers with their credit cards.”

You might try digging a bit deeper and celebrating Advent, if you have Christian roots.

Take care of yourself (and ignore those coworkers)

Ms. Theologian