Filed under: letters
Dear Ms. Theologian –I love what I do (as an administrative assistant at an art gallery), but I don’t like the people I work with. They’re all 20 or 30 years younger than me and we don’t have a lot in common. I try to talk to them, but they seem obsessed with their children or their home or things I went through a long time ago. I don’t want to change jobs, but I end up feeling isolated.–Conflicted in the southwest
Dear Conflicted –
Oh how Ms. Theologian relates to your question, but in the reverse (she often works with people much older than herself). This seems like an issue of alienation amid community.
It often seems as though problems develop when people get lumped into one category (young people, old people, white people, black people, people like me, people not like me, etc.) Ms. Theologian has heard a similar question from someone who was a different religion from his coworkers.
Make an effort to talk to your coworkers one-on-one. Learn Susan’s hobbies, Dan’s favorite foods, John’s children’s favorite toys, and Rebecca’s remodeling dilemmas. Banish thoughts such as, Oh, here come the young people again with their stories about their children and drywall tales. Treat people with respect and as individuals with names, passions, interests, and lives. You will find the effort returned tenfold. Communities in the workplace may seem like amorphous groups, but they are truly individuals. They no doubt will appreciate you in the same way that you appreciate them, no?
–Ms. Theologian
Dear Conflicted,
Many people feel like you do, especially when there are age gaps.
While the “third person” perspective of Ms. Theologian might help you feel better about yourself, I recommend a more practical perspective:
You co-workers are not your friends, nor do they need to be. You’re a team, not a family. A salesforce, not siblings.
Let them focus on what they’d like to focus on. In the interim, understand that you all work in an ART gallery and thus you have a mutual point of focus and interest.
Aside from that, suck it up and take your extensive years of experience and show them how to be successful by example.
Comment by Anonymous 12.18.05 @ 11:19 amThanks, anonymous, for chiming in.
One of the challenges in the workplace does seem to be that a work team often seems like a work family, complete with squabbling and rivalries. I’m not actually convinced that they are that different.
I hope that Conflicted takes what she needs to from our posts and finds a way to be less torn about her relationships in the workforce.
Comment by Stephanie 12.19.05 @ 10:12 amHaving been in both situations, two where my teams were more than teams but were my family (and I am still close with a lot of them, have been to their weddings, and held their children, and loved them dearly…) and my current one, where I don’t feel like I would ever want to be their friends, I can say that both have their advantages and disadvantages, but it is much more fullfilling when there is affection and camraderie in the workplace.
H
Comment by Anonymous 12.20.05 @ 6:37 amLeave a comment
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