Filed under: letters
Dear Ms. Theologian:I’ve befriended one of my coworkers. We have a daily ritual of going to lunch together. Two other people in the office always see us go off at the same time for lunch. I feel bad because recently one of them asked me if we were going to lunch and I said no. Of course, we were, but I still feel bad because I didn’t want to eat with them (or worse, get into the habit of eating with them every day).
How can you help me?
Hungry for lunch
Dear Hungry,
Ms. Theologian does not perceive that you are obligated to spend your lunch hour with people you don’t like. But by meeting your befriended coworker in the office, you are creating a scene in which the other coworkers are obviously left out. That’s unkind.
A compromise? Invite the other coworkers every once in a while to lunch with you two. Meet your friend out of the office the rest of the time on a daily basis.
Glad she lunches alone,
Ms. Theologian
I remember having the same problem when I was teaching full time. Often I would say that we are talking about personal issues and it would be inappropriate to have others join us. And, we often did discuss things about our lives that were not intended for all ears.
Comment by G-Man 12.15.05 @ 12:19 pmAh, that’s a good solution too. It’s hard when you work in a community when people are supposed to all get along…but we all obviously get along better with some people than others.
Comment by Stephanie 12.15.05 @ 1:02 pmChiming in late to say, I have the opposite problem. I don’t want to be friends with my coworkers, and one of them always wants to go out to lunch, or get pizza for the group, or feels “sorry” for me because I am reading and eating alone.
I’ve learned that some interruption of my personal time (because lunch is off the clock so it’s MY time) is inevitable.
Either way, it’s a matter of being able to firmly say no without making it an issue or making it personal.
Comment by Anonymous 12.18.05 @ 8:10 pmLeave a comment
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