Dear Ms. Theologian:

At the moment I work as a part-time temp secretary, while I try to decide which direction to take in my life. I left an organisation where I had been happy and was appreciated because the job was expanding and I was more or less being expected to work full time.

Another temp took my place and we said that we should have lunch sometime, and had in fact booked a day. The day before the lunch I got a call on my mobile from my ex-boss saying that the temp was going to be let go at the end of the week for various reasons, and would I return with a guaranteed four day week. The temp knew nothing about this.

The job suits me, I like the place, they’ve met my terms, so I said yes for a month trial period.

I cancelled the lunch because I couldn’t face knowing what I knew and not being able to tell her. I feel guilty, complicit in her downfall, lacking in solidarity, though I know I’m not, and dreading an accusatory phone call from her.

What should I do? Try and make contact with her and explain I had nothing to do with her departure? Let sleeping dogs lie? And why do I feel so guilty?

–Anonymous

Dear Anonymous –

While Ms. Theologian thinks that the standard career advice would be to just move on, she has a question for you:

If you were in her shoes, what would you like to have happen?

Yes, The Golden Rule.

If Ms. Theologian were in this situation, she would not mind receiving a carefully crafted letter expressing your deep sense of regret that she was laid-off and extending an offer to lunch (you should pay, btw, you are the one with the job).

As far as guilt goes, Ms. Theologian can only speculate. Perhaps you see that you have the ability to alleviate some of her suffering? Perhaps you see that you could have warned her? Perhaps you see that you are benefiting from her loss?

One of the challenges in our society is that we are discouraged from connecting to others. Consider if you were in her shoes how you might want to be treated. After the sting of being laid-off has faded, she might welcome contact. She might not. But you are in a better position of taking the first step.

–Ms. Theologian