Filed under: letters
Dear Ms. Theologian,I’m really and truly pleased for those adults who procreate. I’m even more pleased when they care for their children well and hold down decent jobs.
What does not please me is when I work in an office with said procreaters who get to leave early/take unpaid leave/leave workundone/etc/etc because they are parents and have to a) pick their children up at daycare or b) stay home because it’s school vacation and their nanny has the flu or c) have to work from home when no one else gets to because Biff has a cold. Etc.
Now, I am not heartless, and I do want their children to be well cared for, it’s just that many times what happens is that I and my other childless coworkers are left to pick up the slack. And this makes me a) angry, b) bitter, and c) feel bad that I don’t have a kid of my own.
Truthfully, there have been times I’ve felt like I was about to blow over the whole thing.
I guess I don’t really know what my question is other than how can I get these folks to be more sensitive both to the needs of their children and their coworkers.
Thank you.
Signed,
Childless in Chicago
Dear Childless:
Oh how Ms. Theologian relates to your letter. And thank you for providing a clear cut dilemma. Here’s your plain and simple answer: you can’t get these folks to be more sensitive to your needs (or their children). You simply can’t. You may be able to work on management from an equity point of view.
What we need is flex time for everyone, so it doesn’t matter if you have an infant, an aging mother, a sick dog, or you’re just needing time with your own inner child, you can still work at home in the afternoon or come in late on Wednesdays or whatever. It’s not going to happen unless people ask for it.
How do you ask for it? You might broach the topic with your boss in reference to adopting a policy across the board to address emergencies that require flex time. You might talk with other childless coworkers to make a sample list of what exactly you want (e.g., Do you want the option to work at home on Thursdays? Do you want the option to extend deadlines if an emergency comes up so that you don’t pick up someone else’s slack?) What exactly do you want? Figure it out. And ask for it.
Childless in a Child-Centered Haven,
–Ms. Theologian
An interesting question and one I have a personal stake in… at times it’s not the having or not having children, it’s the parent. I worked with someone who constantly demanded accommodation over her parenting responsibilities, and most of the rest of us also had children. It seemed to me that her kids’ needs were just more important than mine. (And yes, all parents love their kids the most, but societally, we need to acknowledge that all children need their parents sometimes, and that all jobs need reliable workers.) I think your answer makes a lot of sense, that’s it about a mutual and respectful exchange in the workplace, eg, when your kid is sick, I trust that s/he really needs you, you go, and I take up your slack. Likewise, when my boyfriend’s mother dies and he needs me there, you let me go and you take up my slack.
Comment by Anne Bauer 12.04.05 @ 2:25 pmYou make a good point. All parents don’t engage in this practice equally.
Comment by Stephanie 12.04.05 @ 2:45 pm