Surviving the Workday

Bridge of Light is a new holiday, beginning today, January 1, 2006. It is a holiday about honoring the diversity of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender communities and about honoring the unity, dignity, and equality of all people.

The primary ritual of Bridge of Light involves lighting six candles in the shape of a bridge according to six core principles:

1. Creativity (light a purple candle)
2. Freedom (light a red candle)
3. Integrity (light a blue candle)
4. Self-Reliance (light an orange candle)
5. Compassion (light a green candle)
6. Faith (light a yellow candle)

Bridge of Light

So much of what seems to bother people in the workplace seems to be discontentedness with coworkers and their behavior.

If we each made the conscious decision to live in the spirit of peace, love, and goodwill every single day, our world would slowly start to change.

Naomi Drew reflects on how to live with the spirit of peace in Peace in the New Year.

This is a great meditation for the new year. It’s invigorating, reflective, relaxing, and thought-provoking.

Meditation for a Happy New You

The end of the year is a time for reflecting on the past year and preparing for the year ahead. Many cultures have traditions and rituals for New Year’s Eve:

The American custom of spending the night with the one you love and kissing them at midnight insures that the relationship will flourish during the coming year. In Rio de Janeiro, more than a million people gather on the beaches on December 31st to honor Yemanja, the Yoruban “Mother of the Sea,” who brings good fortune.

Even the color of underwear Brazilians wear on the first day of the new year has meaning. Pink brings love, yellow, prosperity; and white, peace and happiness.

excerpted from The Meaning of New Year’s Traditions

I find it fascinating how interpretation seems to be just about everything with sacred writings. The Muslim Women’s League has an interesting position paper in which they discuss various interpretations of these verses from the Qu’ran:

Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which God has bestowed more abundantly on the former (men), than the latter (women) and with what they may spend out of their possessions. (4:34)

and

Men shall have a benefit from what they earn, and women shall have a benefit from what they earn. (4:32)

Women in Society: Economic Rights

I was at the Skirball last night, which got me thinking about humanism in general, and humanistic judaism.

Humanistic Jews affirm that:

Human beings possess the power and responsibility to shape their own lives independent of supernatural authority. In other words, not all Humanistic Jews believe in a God: Your own beliefs are up to you.A Jew is a person who identifies with the history, culture, and future of the Jewish people.

Judaism is the historic culture of the Jewish people.

Jewish history is a human saga, a testament to the significance of human power and human responsibility.

Jewish identity is best preserved in a free, pluralistic environment.

The freedom and dignity of the Jewish people must go hand in hand with the freedom and dignity of every human being.

excerpted from Humanistic Judaism on Religious Tolerance.

Ms. Theologian:A coworker, Bill, always comes in late. We all cover for him. I’m sick of Bill. How can I end this?

Dear Irked:

Ms. Theologian assumes you mean that you wish to end the practice of covering for Bill. This is simple. Just stop. The larger issue here is how we best work in a community with one another.

If your boss asks where he is, perfect your best shrug. If your boss asks again, just tell the truth: you fear he might be late.

Bill will only be on time if there are consequences for his lateness.

Of course, there are consequences for your actions too. Bill may be angry with you. Can you deal with that?

-Ms. Theologian

I keep a small volume of poetry handy at work because poems seem to double as prayers. I’m not actually sure when they became totally separate entities, but there is more on this topic at Poetry as Prayer.

Poetry activates the memory, attitude, and perception, and it may be a good beginning or refresher for persons interested in eliciting the peace, power, and the active inner life of prayer. Prayer and poetry originally come from the same place, and much early poetry was sacred. Poetry, like prayer, accompanied ceremonies both at the temple and at the court. They were observances of the priest and king. They had the function of ritualizing, raising, and celebrating a sense of higher life. They were a training and discipline of inner attitude towards public and divine and even supernatural events. They were the developers of the culture.

And here is my favorite Wordsworth poem,

I WANDERED lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed–and gazed–but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood, 20
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

This is one of the most interesting interviews I’ve ever read with the Dalai Lama….

Spalding Gray: We’ve both been traveling these last weeks and the most difficult thing that I find on the road is adjusting to each location, each different hotel. I have a tendency to want to drink the alcohol, which, as you said in an earlier interview, is the other way of coping with despair and confusion. Just what are some of your centering rituals and your habits when you come into a new hotel?

The Dalai Lama: I always first inquire to see “what is there.” Curiosity. What I can discover that is interesting or new. Then, I take a bath. And then I usually sit on the bed, crosslegged, and meditate. And sometimes sleep, lie down. One thing I myself noticed is the time-zone change. Although you change your clock time, your biological time still has to follow a certain pattern. But now I find that once I change the clock time, I’m tuned to the new time zone. When my watch says it’s eight o’clock in the evening, I feel sort of sleepy and need to retire and when it says four in the morning I wake up.

And later….

Spalding Gray: But you are flying a lot and the pilots are drinking. That’s what I’m always afraid of. I’ve always said I would never fly on a plane where the pilot believes in reincarnation. When you get on a plane to fly, do you have to work with your fears?

The Dalai Lama: I used to have a lot of fear when flying. Now I am getting used to it. But when I get very afraid or anxious, then yes, as you mentioned, I recite some prayers or some mantra and also, you see, the final conclusion is the belief in karma. If I created some karma to have a certain kind of death, I cannot avoid that. Although I try my best, if something happens, I have to accept it. It is possible that I have no such karmic force, then even if the plane crashes, I may survive.

Spalding Gray: You walk out.

The Dalai Lama: Yes. So that belief, also you see, is very helpful. Very effective.

Spalding Gray and The Dalai Lama

“Matunda ya kwanza” is Swahili for “fruits of the harvest.”

Seven Principles of Kwanzaa

Umoja — Unity
Kujichagulia — Self-Determination
Ujima — Collective Work and Responsibility
Ujamaa — Cooperative Economics
Nia — Purpose
Kuumba — Creativity
Imani — Faith

Kwanzaa Primer
An interview with Maulana Karenga, founder of Kwanzaa

Ha! This is fun. Many Hanukkahs with friends during my childhood helped out with this quiz.

Put on Your Yarmulka, Here Comes Hanukkah

The traffic is terrible and you’re running late for an important business meeting. At last you arrive, hang up your coat, and open the door to the conference room. You slide into an empty seat and look around. You can’t help noticing that there is tension hovering in the air. No one pays any attention to you. Then one person looks at you meaningfully; the others seem unusually preoccupied with their pad and pencil. The discussion is definitely constrained. No one is really saying what’s on his or her mind. The chair of the meeting now turns to you and asks you to present your new idea. What’s the best strategy?

Angels on the Job

Dear Ms. Theologian:I just started a job. I was unemployed for five months and I’m really grateful for it. The trouble is that I don’t have any vacation days accrued so I’m working pretty much through Christmas, December 23rd, 26th, 31st. I’m trying not to feel resentful….but you got any advice?

Dear Grateful –

Ms. Theologian advises gaining some perspective. Sometimes life is hard and we have to do things we don’t want to do. You are gainfully employed. Enjoy it.

All that stuff you see on TV and hear from people is just hype. Real life is getting up in the middle of the night to wipe vomit from your partner’s mouth. It’s illness and starvation. Real life is miscarriages and dead pets. It’s war and genocide. Real life involves people you love dying.

It is also penultimate joy and love and snuggling.

You can deal with working through the holidays.

Ms. Theologian

Dear Ms. Theologian:My boss bought me a Christmas gift. I don’t celebrate Christmas. I’m not obligated to buy her a Christmas gift, am I? I’m Jewish.

Dear Perplexed:

In the most ideal circumstances, gifts are authentic symbols of our thoughts and are given out of kindness, love, appreciation, or generosity. But workplaces are not necessarily ideal circumstances.

In the workplae, sometimes “Christmas gifts” are really end of the year holiday bonus gifts, so I don’t think you are obligated to reciprocate, especially since the gift comes out of a religious tradition that you do not belong to. I do think you are obligated to write a thank you note.

–Ms. Theologian

Dear Ms. Theologian:Last year at the office holiday party, I got drunk (apple martinis). It was awful. This year, I’m tempted not to go at all. Any good excuses?

Dear Sober:

You could say that your AA meeting conflicts with it?

In general, Ms. Theologian does not drink at work events. She will drink with friends. It’s difficult when work events involve people that are friends, but as long as there are non-friends involved, it may be best to abstain. It’s not unheard of.

Soberly,

Ms. Theologian

Dear Ms. Theologian:I work with this guy, Bob, and our boss, David, is a Buddhist, and Bob didn’t think he could deal with it because he’s a Christian. I told Bob he was an ass. What do you think?

Dear Annoyed:

David has Ms. Theologian’s sympathy.

Bob needs to take a deep breath and understand that there are different religions. There always have been. Many religions think they have the corner on the market on truth. They don’t. No doubt learning about other religions might broaden Bob’s world view, but Ms. Theologian is not sure how calling Bob an ass helped, eh?

–Ms. Theologian

I’m celebrating Winter Solstice this year (tomorrow, December 21), more out of a theological alignment than a religious conversion. The UU church I grew up in always celebrated St. Lucy (Santa Lucia) on Christmas in a melding of the two traditions.

Here’s one ritual suggested in from Celebrating the Light

Seeds of Light
1. Place a large candle unlit in the center of the table or floor.
2. Sit in front of it, or if doing this in a group, have everyone sit in a circle around it. Everyone present should have their own small candle.
3. Turn all lights out. Experience the feeling of sitting in utter darkness–the silence, the stillness, the inwardness. If children are present, have them say out loud what it feels like (soft, scary, cold). Ask them to imagine what life would be like without the sun, and share their answers aloud.
4. Now consider all the gifts the sun brings us. Again, if children are present, have them call out what comes to mind.
5. Contemplate how the seed of light is even now being born within the womb of darkness. (An adult can explain to children how the wheel of the year is now turning towards the light.) Light the central candle with a taper.
6. Now each person in turn lights their taper from the Sun candle and wishes out loud for three things they would like to have happen in the coming year: make a wish for yourself, a wish for someone you know, and a wish for the planet.
7. Now the room is filled with light and warmth. Finish the celebration with seasonal song, circle dance, or food.
8. At the end of the gathering, individual candles can be snuffed out with the reminder that the flame continues to burn brightly within our hearts. If possible, let the central candle stay alight throughout the night (with obvious safety precautions!) to welcome back the Sun.

May peace and plenty be the first to lift the latch on your door and happiness be guided to your home by the candle of Christmas.

– Irish Blessing

Celebrating Solstice
Light Born out of Dark

Dear Ms. Theologian: I was laidoff a few weeks ago. I’m suspending my job searching and networking during the holidays (no one is hiring this time of year), but I have trouble dealing with comments from relatives about the layoff like, “Poor you,” or “God, this must be so tough,” or “What are you going to do?” I say that I’m fine and will find another job, but I’m irritated.

Dear T-d off:

I’m very sorry to hear you were laidoff.

Often when people don’t know what to say exactly or how to express concern, it comes out wrong. That’s how Ms. Theologian understands those remarks that you quoted. Those folks care, but they’re not sure how to say so or how to help.

A thought–people are indeed hiring this time of year and often there are less resumes floating around. Consider applying for jobs and maintaining your schedule of networking. It will give you some strength in your replies to those queries. Just tell your relatives where you’ve applied. Assure them you’re fine or ask for their help.

Ms. Theologian

You may have heard of the Four Noble Truths as taught by the Buddha. These relate to the workplace.

1. All life is impermanent. (All jobs are impermanent.)

2. Attachment to desire is the origin of suffering. (Attachment to coworkers, job, boss is the origin of suffering–all will change.)

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable. (Yes, there are some who do not suffer at work, in particular, those who are less attached to it.)

4. The Eight-fold path leads to the cessation of suffering: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration. (These steps are one path toward not suffering).

Four Noble Truths

Dear Ms. Theologian –I love what I do (as an administrative assistant at an art gallery), but I don’t like the people I work with. They’re all 20 or 30 years younger than me and we don’t have a lot in common. I try to talk to them, but they seem obsessed with their children or their home or things I went through a long time ago. I don’t want to change jobs, but I end up feeling isolated.–Conflicted in the southwest

Oh how Ms. Theologian relates to your question, but in the reverse (she often works with people much older than herself). This seems like an issue of alienation amid community.

It often seems as though problems develop when people get lumped into one category (young people, old people, white people, black people, people like me, people not like me, etc.) Ms. Theologian has heard a similar question from someone who was a different religion from his coworkers.

Make an effort to talk to your coworkers one-on-one. Learn Susan’s hobbies, Dan’s favorite foods, John’s children’s favorite toys, and Rebecca’s remodeling dilemmas. Banish thoughts such as, Oh, here come the young people again with their stories about their children and drywall tales. Treat people with respect and as individuals with names, passions, interests, and lives. You will find the effort returned tenfold. Communities in the workplace may seem like amorphous groups, but they are truly individuals. They no doubt will appreciate you in the same way that you appreciate them, no?

–Ms. Theologian