Surviving the Workday

Dear Ms. Theologian-I’m sitting around at work with nothing to do. I know there will be a lot to do later, but this is just a quiet time. Should I be telling my boss this and asking for suggestions of things I can do? I don’t really like being bored, but on the other hand, I don’t want to end up with more things permanently added to my list, making life more miserable in the too-busy times.

Dear Guilty –

You are asking if you have an moral responsibility to be doing something for every paid minute of your time.

Ms. Theologian posits that you are paid to be there in many cases for emergency use as well. (She is reminded of an archiver at a former job who stored files in between reading novels all day. He was eventually fired after he sold a plaque on ebay honoring a coworker that contained an egregious mispelling). Ms. Theologian misses him a little every once in a while.

If long periods of time elapse when you are doing nothing, then, yes, you should tell your boss. If short periods of time elapse in between projects or crises, no, please, for your well being, do not say a word. This is downtime. It’s not badtime. It’s just less hectic than a crisis and is known in some circles as “peace.” Use your time to reflect on your job, plan for your career future, address new and inovative approaches to the workplace.

Yours in down time,

Ms. Theologian

Dear Ms. Theologian –I was laid off four months ago when I was six months pregnant. I now have a beautiful baby boy. The problem? My ex-boss keeps calling me. It was a horrible job and I don’t want to deal with her, but now she’s stopping by with baby clothes from her grandchildren. What should I do?

–Happy and Unemployed

Dear Happy –

Ms. Theologian is sooooo pleased with the birth of your baby. She is not pleased with the your continued interest from your boss. She sees three options:

a. leaving the house when you see her pull up (granted, covert moves may be more difficult with a baby strapped to breast)

b. opening the door, but not inviting her in, “We just refinished the floors with asphalt and don’t want you stuck in them.”

c. an honest conversation with her

A wise woman once told Ms. Theologian that pretending to be nice wasn’t nice. Ms. Theologian was shocked! She thought it was nice! She’s slow that way. Perhaps you can have a conversation with her, “Ex-boss, I really appreciate your gestures of kindness to me. However, seeing you reminds me of a really painful period of time in my life. I’d prefer not to see you right now.”

That feels compassionate and honest.

–Ms. Theologian

Dear Ms. Theologian,What do I do if I quite simply don’t like the people I work with? I guess I like some of them, but I don’t want to be friends with them, and some of them I downright distrust. Is it possible to maintain my sanity when I am used to being close friends with people I work with? How long do I wait before I decide to just keep my head down and do my work? Is friendship an integral part of spiritual wellbeing in the workplace?

Dear Tired –

Does Ms. Theologian need friends in the workplace? You bet.

Does everyone? At the very least, most people need polite, respectful interactions in order to thrive (except for those sick folks who like to be emotionally maligned during the workday, but we’ll assume that you’re not one of those….

While you may have thrived in a previous workplace culture with friends where you can forward silly emails, bitch during coffee, and hang out on the weekends, when you don’t have that kind of workplace, you have two options:

a. get a new job (not a bad idea, mind you, just a bit drastic)

b. allow yourself to grieve for the loss of your other workplace and in the meantime change your expectations.

To allow yourself to grieve, make sure that it is okay in your psyche to feel sad about the loss of your former workplace and your relationships. Feeling sad sometimes is okay. It happens when things change. It also happens when things stay the same.

To change your expectations, you have to become accustomed to being friendly, but not being friends. That’s a key distinction. And friendliness paves the road for being friends.

Will this work for you, Tired? Be friendly, be patient, and be hopeful that someone cool will be hired soon. If your patience wears out, perhaps it’s time to look for another job.

–Your colleague in these workplace struggles,

Ms. Theologian