30th Nov 2005
Ms. Theologian Comments on Other People Making Snide Remarks
Dear Ms Theologian:There is a woman I supervise who tends to get overwrought about things and works a lot of overtime because she tends to waste time on things that are unnecessary, but that she is overwrought about. I am working on keeping her from doing all that unnecessary work.
But the real problem is, all the others in the group (that I don’t manage, but are in the same dept, and include my manager and other managers) have a tendency to make snide comments about her both to her face and nastier ones behind her back.
I have a policy of trying not to say anything about other people that I wouldn’t say to their face. But it’s hard not to participate in these snide comments because truthfully, she drives me stark raving mad.
As her manager, I feel I should defend her, but I can’t quite bring myself to do that completely. So I try to limit myself to just making silly comments that would not be hurtful if she heard them, without actively discouraging others from making them (recall that one of the people is my boss.)
Any advice?
Signed,
Not a backstabber, not yet a supporter
Dear Not Yet a Supporter:
Ms. Theologian thinks that your job as a manager is to support your people in just about any way you can (other than abject whoring). So if you’re not supporting this woman (in front of her and behind her back), you’re not doing your job.
Have you ever noticed that most people have some sense if people are talking about them behind their backs? People sense this sort of thing consciously and unconsciously. It’s degrading and it can’t possibly make the problem better.
Because your boss engages in this sort of behavior, Ms. Theologian thinks it’s time for a chat with the boss to bring the boss in on your side,
“Boss, you know I’m managing Ms. Overwrought and focusing on stopping her from completing unnecessary work and managing her time better. (Include details here).
And I know that you are supporting me in that work. One of the challenges for her is that her work is not supported by others (for some very good reasons) and that makes the problem worse (include details here). I want to stop talking about her in these ways (include details here). Can you help me in doing this?”
You have Ms. Theologian’s sympathy. She only manages one person, that would be her dog (Do you want to know how many times Ms. Theologian had to instruct the dog to sit for the photo below? Many), and she does a very poor job of that. You can do better.
–Ms. Theologian
