Filed under: letters
Dear Ms. Theologian,I must confess: I am in love with my boss. She’s married.
The upside of this is that I feel motivated to do a great job.
The downside is well…you can guess.
Should I get another job? Confront my boss?
Thanks.
Lusty Dusty
Dear Lusty:
Hmmm… Ms. Theologian must first congratulate you on your work ethic. She also imagines that you are a snappy dresser in the workplace.
However, Ms. Theologian is left to infer a couple of things from your letter, including that:
a. you aren’t sure how your boss feels about you;
b. you aren’t married or involved in a relationship; and
c. you can find another job fairly easily in this economy.
She’s going to base her reply on these inferences, which might be wrong, but here it goes….
You need to stop this. It is not the path to love. It is close to the path to hell (at least your own personal emotional hell). Love involves intimacy. It involves knowing your partners greatest fears, joy, shame, snoring patterns, and possibly bowel movements. It’s f-ing scary. Being in love with your boss keeps you in a place where you don’t have to be intimate and you are emotionally unavailable to someone else (someone single).
(As far as confrontation goes, how do you imagine the confrontation going?
You: I think I’m in love with you.
Boss: (blushing) OMG, I feel the same way about you.
You: You do?
Boss: Do me here. On the desk.
Granted, this assumes that your boss isn’t the same person who wrote the letter about too much clutter on her desk. Now THAT would be a good reason to clear off your desk top.)
Ms. Theologian won’t lecture you on the sanctity of marriage, but frankly she would find it easier if her husband could go to the dentist without the dentist (a blonde bombshell) telling him he looked like Superman while she wields her drill at his molars. Catch my drift? Stay away from married folks. They aren’t supposed to be options for love. They’re considered taken.
So your question is whether you should find a new job. Yes. You should. And as you drive away, you should listen to any album by EmmyLou Harris. The good news? You can find someone for yourself to be intimate with who won’t judge your work. At least not at work.
–Respectfully,
Ms. Theologian