Dear Ms. Theologian,What do I do if I quite simply don’t like the people I work with? I guess I like some of them, but I don’t want to be friends with them, and some of them I downright distrust. Is it possible to maintain my sanity when I am used to being close friends with people I work with? How long do I wait before I decide to just keep my head down and do my work? Is friendship an integral part of spiritual wellbeing in the workplace?

Dear Tired –

Does Ms. Theologian need friends in the workplace? You bet.

Does everyone? At the very least, most people need polite, respectful interactions in order to thrive (except for those sick folks who like to be emotionally maligned during the workday, but we’ll assume that you’re not one of those….

While you may have thrived in a previous workplace culture with friends where you can forward silly emails, bitch during coffee, and hang out on the weekends, when you don’t have that kind of workplace, you have two options:

a. get a new job (not a bad idea, mind you, just a bit drastic)

b. allow yourself to grieve for the loss of your other workplace and in the meantime change your expectations.

To allow yourself to grieve, make sure that it is okay in your psyche to feel sad about the loss of your former workplace and your relationships. Feeling sad sometimes is okay. It happens when things change. It also happens when things stay the same.

To change your expectations, you have to become accustomed to being friendly, but not being friends. That’s a key distinction. And friendliness paves the road for being friends.

Will this work for you, Tired? Be friendly, be patient, and be hopeful that someone cool will be hired soon. If your patience wears out, perhaps it’s time to look for another job.

–Your colleague in these workplace struggles,

Ms. Theologian